Finding the Human Notions that Obstructed My Cultivation
"Without 'nothing,' it is a human feeling. If it is a human feeling, then it's not bei (compassion)."
Teacher spoke these two sentences during "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U. S. Conference" on February 28, 2004. I reviewed this Fa teaching and these two sentences many times during the last two years. Reading this Fa teaching again one day in June 2006, I suddenly understood the meaning of these two sentences. Now I will briefly talk about the Fa principles I have enlightened to and the obstacles of human feelings that I have detected. Please kindly correct any misunderstandings I may have.
1. The Correct Method of Studying the Fa is with "No Intention"
I felt happy and curious when I saw these two sentences Teacher gave us. Therefore, I tried to examine the sentences word by word. I wanted to understand the hidden meaning Teacher was really telling us. Since my thoughts were not righteous and the method of study was not correct, I found nothing in the end. Teacher reminded us a long time ago:
"When learning Dafa, intellectuals should be aware of a most prominent problem: They study Dafa in the same way that everyday people study theoretical writings , such as selecting relevant quotations from renowned people to examine their own conduct. This will hinder a cultivator's progress. Furthermore, upon learning that Dafa has profound, inner meaning and high-level things that can guide cultivation practice at different levels, some people even attempt to examine it word by word, but find nothing in the end. These habits, acquired from studying political theories over a long period of time, are also factors that interfere with cultivation practice; they lead to a misunderstanding of the Fa." ("Learning the Fa" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
"While learning the Fa, you should not search for relevant parts, stubbornly intending to solve a particular problem. In fact, this is (with the exception of those problems that need an immediate solution) also a form of attachment. The only way to gain a good understanding of Dafa is to study it without any intention. " ("Learning the Fa" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
In June 2006, I enlightened to the Fa while reading it from cover to cover without any intention. Teacher said,
"As a matter of fact, this is because the same Fa has different transformations and forms of manifestation at different levels, and it can play different guiding roles for practitioners at different levels." ("Different Levels Have Different Fa" from Zhuan Falun)
I enlightened to Fa principles during my seven years of cultivation. I still remember when I first studied the Fa, I did not understand the meaning of "return to the original, true self." I enlightened to the meaning gradually through my Fa study. The words are simple in the two sentences I mentioned above, but I could not understand the inner meaning of the Fa." Different Levels Have Different Fa," helped me enlighten. My understanding now is that the Fa principles will not be shown to you until you have cultivated to that level, your xinxing has reached that level, or it is time for you to understand that level of Fa. Although, your xinxing may have reached a very high level, you may still have a lot of attachments you need to let go. Until you do, it is impossible for you to understand the Fa principles of higher levels no matter how hard you try.
I have realized how serious and sacred cultivation is. It is not taking something for granted. Genuine practitioners must cultivate in this complicated environment of everyday people. Only in this way can we melt into the Fa. It will not work if you have the slightest mentality of hypocrisy or leaving things to luck. Teacher said,
"Actually, in cultivation practice you ascend by improving yourself gradually and unknowingly. Keep in mind: One should gain things naturally without pursuing them." ("Learning the Fa" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
"Without 'nothing,' it is a human feeling. If it is a human feeling, then it's not bei (compassion)." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference")
My understanding of the two sentences at the moment is that our compassion will not come out if we still have human attachments to let go. As a practitioner, if we fail to cultivate ourselves well and have a preoccupied human heart, then the good things we are doing today are not from the compassion of an enlightened being, but from our human sentiment. It's only the kind-heart of a human being. This is what Teacher said about cibei "compassion,"
"Of course, the two-character term cibei is now being used in ordinary human society as well, but it's definitely not something human beings can attain. That's happened because today's culture has become confused. People don't believe in divine beings anymore, and don't know that they should cultivate anymore. Humans dare to be blasphemous against Buddhas, against Fa, and against Gods, and use cultivation terms among ordinary people. Humans have done all of that. But those are not ordinary human terms, it's just that ordinary people have taken them up and used them." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference")
It was only natural for me to recall the resistance and obstacles I had come across during of my Fa-rectification cultivation over the past few years upon realizing this bit of the Fa principles. I dug deep to find the root cause. It is that I studied the Fa very shallowly and failed to let go of my human thoughts. The lesson was profound.
2. To Let Go of the Attachment of Benefit and Human Sentiments
I had a fundamental change in my health during my seven years of cultivation. During all these years, I did not spend a penny on medical expenses. I felt very happy and began to talk about Falun Dafa with my family members. At that time, my daughter began to practice, but she stopped when the persecution started. The lies and fabrications by the CCP-controlled media seemed to eclipse the sky and cover the earth. My family members misunderstood Dafa. I clarified the truth to them to clear up any misunderstandings. I wanted them to be able to be saved, but I clarified the truth to them with an attachment of gain. I used my own terrific health from practicing Falun Gong as an example. I said that I have saved many medical fees. I said that belief in Falun Dafa and the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance would not only bring them wellbeing and save medical expenses, but also ensure the younger generation peace of mind about the health of their older relatives. Normally, old people are weak, sickly, morbidly obsessed with their illnesses and need to spend a lot of money on medical expenses. However, my thoughts were not righteous, the aim was not pure and I put the benefits above anything else, therefore, the results of my truth-clarification efforts have not been good over the past few years. My husband would not listen to or read truth-clarification materials. Although he knew in his heart that Falun Dafa was good, he never revealed it to me. On the contrary, sometimes he would say, "You are crazy and incorrigible." My daughter quit the CCP and its subordinate organizations after she learned the truth. However, it seemed she did this for the sake of my feelings and her belief in Dafa does not seem to be firm.
Previously, inadequate Fa study and not being able to melt into the Fa created a serious mentality of fear and interference of human feelings. This fear interfered whenever I tried to validate the Fa to save sentient beings. First of all, my human feelings told me that my family members, relatives and friends had greater predestined relationships with me, so I had to put an emphasis on them. Secondly, my fear mentality appeared, telling me that it would be safer just to clarify the truth to these people. I clarified the truth to them in a very earnest, serious and meticulous manner. I even expressed the urgency of the matter to them. I clarified the truth to other people without the same effort. It was not hard to see that I was doing truth-clarification in a selfish and biased way. Despite this, my truth clarification to everyday people produced unexpectedly good results, while the results of truth clarification attempts to family members and friends were not satisfactory. Some of them are still not quite convinced, and some are even against Dafa. The lesson is profound. If a practitioner still uses human principles when doing things, it is absolutely wrong. The requirements set by Dafa are: "Things are gained naturally, with no pursuit." "If it is a human feeling, then it's not bei (compassion)."
My husband served in the CCP"s army for many years and he was poisoned by the Party culture of "deceit, evil and strife." He was deceived by the CCP's propaganda which describes itself as a "great, glorious and correct" Party. Though he knows the CCP is corrupt, he seems to suffer from the Stockholm syndrome. He insists that the Party is "great, glorious and correct" even though he knows clearly that it is cruel and corrupt. I asked him to quit the CCP for the sake of peace. He remained indifferent, so I blamed him in my heart. This human sentiment became resentment. I started to blame him for not being reasonable and for not cherishing his life. Now that I have enlightened to the Fa principles, I questioned if I was worthy of being a practitioner when I had such strong human feelings.
My husband is one who does not want to take responsibility for anything. So, I handle everything big or small at home, especially the expenditures. He would never mention, ask about or contribute to the family business, as if he was an outsider. In the past we combined our incomes to pay our expenditures. Since the persecution of Falun Gong began, the family income has been divided into two parts. I felt wronged, but I didn't have any choice. My pension income and money from some manual labor was used for the family and other extra expenses. He was unwilling to spend his money on the family. Therefore, I was in a state of imbalance. I told my daughter, relatives and even fellow practitioners that he was mean and selfish. Sometimes I would get very angry when I talked about it. I even said, "If I was not a practitioner, I would be annoyed to no end."
Now, when I recall that period of time, I remember that I had that unbalanced feeling for a long time. In recent years, I have paid attention to Fa study and constantly let go of human feelings and attachments. I have realized that the problems that occurred were the result of my own karma and karmic relations. I enlightened to the Fa principles through continuous Fa study, genuine cultivation and following the Fa in everything. I let go of a lot of human feelings and attachments. My xinxing has improved as well. I maintain a peaceful mind and do not feel uncomfortable when other people verbally abuse and/or accuse me. I pay all the daily expenses for the family with my money and I do not feel unbalanced. However, when I needed to pay for something big, for example, buy an air conditioner or pay for our child's wedding, my husband did not give me any money or offer to help. I would then lose the balance in my heart. Why was that? Why would this happen at a time when I thought my xinxing had improved? I find that I still have the attachments of gain and selfishness when I dig deep. For example, when my husband and I mentioned money in our talks, my attachment of personal gain and loss emerges. My husband would cut in instantly saying, "You said you people don't talk about money. How come you are so preoccupied with your personal gains and losses. I am not cultivating, but I am doing better than you!" I had nothing to say, but I felt wronged in my heart at the time. Now I enlightened that Teacher used my husband's mouth to give me a hint. Teacher has really paid close attention to our cultivation. Teacher arranged one thing after the other and set up test after test for my improvement in cultivation and to help me reach consummation. His purpose is to help us let go of our attachments and human feelings. Teacher is saving me with grand compassion.
"Our school practices cultivation this way, enabling you, yourself to truly obtain gong. That is unprecedented since the beginning of heaven and earth--you may examine history. It is good because you will obtain gong yourself, but it is also very difficult. Amidst the complex environment of everyday people and its interpersonal xinxing frictions, you are able to rise above and beyond¡V¡Vthis is the most difficult thing. It is hard in that you knowingly lose your vested interests among everyday people. Amidst your critical self-interests, are you moved? Amidst interpersonal mind games, are you moved? When your friends or family suffer, are you moved? How do you weigh them? This is how difficult it is to be a practitioner! Someone said to me: "Teacher, it's enough to be a good person among everyday people. Who can succeed in cultivation?" After hearing that, I felt really disappointed! I did not say a word to him. There are all kinds of xinxing. One enlightens to however high one can; whoever enlightens obtains." ("Lecture Eight" from Zhuan Falun)
Didn't my husband provide me with a very precious environment? Without this environment how could I let go of my human attachments? Therefore, I should not have any resentment against my husband, instead I should thank him. As my mentality changed, so has my husband. Now he pays for expensive milk powder, washing powder, body lotion, tea and even meat. As a matter of fact, his behavior in the past was to provide me with a cultivation environment. Now when I look at him, I see that he is actually a very honest person. He does not cheat on me or gamble, nor does he smoke or spend money extravagantly. He is a righteous man who is not greedy, as far as money is concerned. He is only a bit selfish, but who hasn't got a shortcoming? I believe that, when I let go of all my human feelings, he might suddenly change and come to learn Falun Dafa.
 theoretical writings--this refers to the theoretical writings of Marxism, Leninism, Maoism, etc.