Becoming Mature In Cultivation
(Clearwisdom.net) I was first introduced to Falun Dafa in October of 1998, but it was not until March of 1999 that I began to practice. During that time, what I did was just go to the park to practice the exercises in the morning and read Zhuan Falun if I had time. I didn't quite understand the true concept of cultivation. After "April 25"(when Falun Gong practitioners in China went to appeal on behalf of Falun Gong at the Central Appeals Office), the school where I worked began to collect information on the number of people who were practicing Falun Gong. A fellow practitioner who worked in the same office with me took into consideration the fact that I began to practice rather late and asked me to decide for myself whether I wanted to report it to the school or not. Though I didn't know too much about the theories of Dafa, I felt that this practice was to teach people to be good. Besides, since I had already begun to practice, I was a part of Falun Dafa. In this case, I felt that I should admit this fact without hiding anything. So, I was placed on the school's blacklist.
On July 21, 1999, the government of China banned Falun Gong. After that, the persecution became more and more severe. There were reports slandering and stigmatizing Falun Gong everywhere, on TV and in the newspapers. The leaders of the school also talked to me and tried to put pressure on me to stop practicing Falun Gong. At that time, I was truly at a loss to understand what was going on. But there was one thing that I knew very clearly: what was broadcast on TV was totally different from what was written in Zhuan Falun. The TV was distorting the facts. This was the first time that I began to doubt the words of the Communist Party. If I hadn't gone through all these things personally, I really wouldn't have believed that the media of a country would do such a thing as calling black white!
I didn't know what to do then, so I just continued practicing Falun Gong at home. Whenever and wherever anyone asked if I was still practicing Falun Gong, I answered without hiding anything that I was. I had a very simple idea, which was, to let more and more people know that I still practiced Falun Gong. By doing this, I wanted to show them that Falun Gong was not destroyed by the persecution. If I had a chance, I would also let every person know that Falun Gong was entirely different from what was being said on TV. Although I obtained the Fa late and had not studied quite as diligently as some, and although I had lots of attachments and my enlightenment quality was low, inside my heart I placed the Fa in the correct position. Since I had made up my mind to cultivate, I practiced every day. When others chatted and played games after work, I read Zhuan Falun. I never shied away from others when I read. Even now, I read Dafa books and study the Fa at my workplace without hiding it from anybody. No one has ever caused any trouble for me because of that.
My contact with fellow practitioners was dignified and upright. Studying the Fa is sacred. I had nothing to fear. I realized that only when we put Dafa in the correct position in our hearts, can we be correct in our words and behavior. And only in this way would others respect our beliefs. When I saw that some fellow practitioners were afraid to greet each other as if they had done something wrong, I felt very sad.
In September 1999, many practitioners went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa. My instincts told me that I should go too. But I hadn't understood the theory behind this point of view; I only do things that I truly understand - that is the kind of person I am. As a result, I never planned to go to Beijing. But every time the leaders of my workplace asked me to promise not to go to Beijing, I said that I could not promise them this, because I thought that by studying the Fa, I would one day finally understand this principle. When that day came, I would definitely go to Beijing. Because of this, the place where I work reported me to the police. On September 28, the police came to my workplace to talk to me. They asked me whether I still practiced Falun Gong. I said yes. They asked me to write a statement guaranteeing I would not to go to Beijing. They were very polite to me and said many nice things. They said that they also needed to support their families as well as themselves. They said that if I went to Beijing, they would lose their jobs. Since I was not clear about the theories in the first place, and because of my human sentiments and human heart, I wrote the promise. But they would only let me go when they also had a guarantee from the place where I work. However, my workplace didn't give any guarantee because they were afraid of taking any responsibility for my actions. As a result, I was sent to a detention center.
In the detention center, I had the opportunity to make the acquaintance of lots of other practitioners. We studied the Fa, practiced the exercises and shared understandings together. I was deeply moved by the understanding of some practitioners towards the Fa and their benevolent words and behavior. By sharing understandings, I began to truly see the meaning of cultivation and I began to understand that Falun Dafa not only improves one's mind and body and teaches people to be good, but that it also has a much deeper meaning. I also understood that the elevation of levels could only be realized by true action in accordance with Dafa. I also realized the sincerity and seriousness of cultivation. Five days later, because several fellow practitioners went on a hunger strike to protest our illegal detention, the municipal government released us.
After I got out of the detention center, I studied the Fa more and more. During those days, I read again Teacher's articles, "Digging Out the Roots," "Huge Exposure," "Expounding on the Fa" and others. Slowly, I understood that as a Dafa disciple, I should look at everything from the perspective of the Fa and not from the perspective of everyday people's concepts. Now Dafa was being persecuted, and as a Dafa disciple, I felt it was my responsibility to go to Beijing and say a fair word for Dafa. Even though I might not be able to see the person who works for the Civil Complaints Office, the deed of my going to Beijing itself was support for Dafa. I was only enlightened to this level at that time. So at the end of November, I went to Beijing. When I got there, I was stopped at the entrance of the lane where the public complaints office is located. Then I was transferred to the liaison office in Beijing. After that, I was sent back to the local detention center where I was detained for 15 days.
When I was in the detention center, my husband tried very hard to visit me. He told me that if I still wouldn't give up practicing, this time I would be sent to a labor camp. He asked me to consider it carefully. When I heard this, I couldn't sleep for the whole night. For me, this was a choice between life and death. The place I work used to threaten that they would fire me if I wouldn't give up practicing. But that couldn't shake my heart. I could lose my job, but if I were sent to a labor camp, that would be different. I thought of many things; I thought of my disappointment towards life before I began to cultivate and my understanding of the meaning and aim of life after I began to cultivate. I also thought of my child, my family and especially the cruel ordeals I would face at the labor camp. But in the end, I still chose to continue to practice. With tears in my eyes, I wrote a few words to my husband: "You don't need to plead to anybody for my release. I will keep on walking the path that Master has given me. Take care of our child and take care of yourself." Then I asked someone who was leaving the detention center the next day to give it to my husband. I felt pain in my heart. Because of my heavy emotions, it was really difficult for me to make this decision. The police came to interrogate me and asked me to write a statement promising to stop practicing. I said I wouldn't write it. Then he said that I could write that I wouldn't go to Beijing and wouldn't practice outside. I was thinking then that as long as I was practicing and cultivating, it didn't matter where I practiced and cultivated. What's more, I really didn't want to go Beijing then. So I agreed. Considering my feelings then and my understandings of the Fa, I thought that what I did wasn't wrong. I wrote the promise and went back to my workplace. I had already been deprived of my title as a chief and was transferred to another, lower, position.
After sharing with fellow practitioners, I realized that it was wrong to write a promise. That was to yield to, and indulge the evil. I also reflected on my behavior and asked myself why I couldn't come through at a critical moment. The main reason was that I didn't study the Fa very often and couldn't truly understand the meaning of the Fa. This event made me realize the importance of studying the Fa.
In June 2000, some fellow practitioners said that flyers were being circulated in some places. However, nobody in our area knew how to make a flyer, what should be included in a flyer or how to distribute them. During that time, the persecution inside the prisons was already very severe. I began to think that we should report the situation inside the prisons on a flyer. According to what I had been told by other practitioners about the situation in prison, I wrote an article about how Dafa disciples were being persecuted in prison. I printed it out and then made 50 photocopies at a photocopy shop and gave them to other practitioners to photocopy. I kept 7 copies for myself. This was the first time I distributed flyers. I truly made a great effort.
I lived in a district where many high-ranking people, such as the leaders of the province and of the city live. Although I was quite afraid, I thought that I must let these leaders know what was happening. I selected 7 families and found out whether their mailboxes were still in use. Then I began to distribute the flyers. My hands were shaking when I put the flyers in the mailboxes. It took me several days to distribute the 7 flyers. When I recall that situation, even I myself find it quite silly.
After that, I began my journey of telling the facts of Falun Gong and the persecution. At the very beginning, I clarified the truth only within the area near where I live, because I thought that I was responsible for the people who lived near me, especially the place where I lived. Besides, there were regularly many security guards around, 24 hours a day. Fellow practitioners didn't know the situation here and it would be difficult for them to distribute flyers. This was evident because no flyer had ever reached my house. So I knew I should take this responsibility. At the time, I distributed 100-200 flyers every week. I selected the mailboxes of the families of the local leaders, and put the flyers inside. Later, I gradually distributed flyers to more and more families. I also went to the countryside with fellow practitioners to distribute flyers and I accumulated a lot of experience from that.
I remembered it was Falun Dafa Day. So we decided to put up banners at 3 o'clock in the morning. I really wanted to find a fellow practitioner to go with me, but that day I couldn't find anyone. I got out of bed at 2:30 a.m.. I wanted to ask my husband to go with me, because I had been afraid of the dark since I was very young. But my husband told me that since this was the path that I selected, I should walk it myself. I thought that this might also be a test for me. How could it be that a Dafa disciple could not overcome such a small problem? I walked out of the house resolutely. I felt the power of Dafa very strongly, for when I was outside of the house, I was no longer afraid. There was no one on the street. I hung the banner on a tree. The banner wasn't totally unfolded, which was not very good. I walked along the road, trying to find better places for the banners. Finally, I reached the park. There were many trees in the park but no lamps. However, it was very bright there. I knew that our Master was helping me. I hung all the remaining banners there without any problems and returned home safely. When there were no truth clarification materials coming from outside, I made truth-clarification banners with markers on colored paper that I bought myself. One night I went to put up banners, and I came to a place where many people gathered during the day. But there was a lamp there, which was very bright. I thought then that it would be better if that lamp were out. As I thought this, the lamp went out. I quickly put up the banner, and I could really feel that Master was right there beside me.
Since Master published the article, "Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World's People," I realized the importance of clarifying the truth to people face to face. I didn't like to talk too much and I seldom greeted other people. It was more difficult for me to clarify the truth face to face. But considering what Master had done for us, as well as the expectations of the worlds' people, I had no reason to hesitate. As soon as I set my mind to it, obstacles disappeared. What came along was opportunity. Practice had told us that when we were really determined to clarify the truth, Master would give us lots of opportunities. Now, I clarify the truth whenever there is an opportunity. And every time I clarify the truth, the results are quite good. Because of the situation at school, it was difficult for students to learn the truth of Falun Dafa. I thought that it was my responsibility to let people there know the truth, since I worked at the school. I thought of many ways to clarify the truth; for example, I worked with fellow practitioners to clarify the truth in the canteen at school. Because in the canteen all the dining tables can seat four people and the distance from table to table is very narrow, the effect was very good when two practitioners worked together to clarify the truth.
I also put CDs in places where students always passed by. When they saw them, they would take one. When it was time for class or time for break, there were more students passing by. At that time, the CDs were taken right after I put them there. It was both safe and effective.
Since the publication of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and our Master's, "Turning the Wheel Towards the Human World," I felt that I had more responsibility and that time was tighter. At first, I studied the Nine Commentaries and realized the true nature of the evilness of the Communist Party. Then I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil communist spirit inside myself. I purified my house by throwing away objects and books of the communist party and I wrote a statement of resignation from the Communist Youth League and Communist Party. I also passed the Nine Commentaries along to my relatives so that they could read them as well. I persuaded them to resign from the communist party and its related organizations. Finally, I told my colleagues and friends about the Nine Commentaries. I changed my methods when clarifying the truth to different people, and I continuously improved myself and tried to find better and better ways to clarify the truth so that it was much easier for people to understand and accept it.
Actually, when we clarify the truth, we are cultivating. When we are clarifying the truth, many of our human thoughts and attachments surface. Then, we need to eliminate them at once. Sometimes, there were some aspects that I was not very clear about. But after clarifying the truth, listening to other's questions and thinking them over and over again, I would finally think it through and understand. In my opinion, when every practitioner tries his or her best to do what Master told us to do, more people will be saved.
When looking back on my cultivation path, I can see where I have fallen down and stumbled. When I couldn't pass a test, I felt disappointed in myself. But I always remembered this word: "responsibility." Under the merciful protection of Master, I became more and more mature. I know that I still need to go on and there are still many things to do in the future. But I can say with conviction that I will surely keep up with Fa-rectification and I will cultivate all the way to the end.