Examining My Attachment to a Family Matter
(Clearwisdom.net) I am a veteran practitioner who attained the Fa in 1994. I am 78 years old. Although I am older and have very limited literacy, I attained the Fa very early. I have usually been able to hold myself to the Fa's standard and I have walked through the six bloody years of persecution. I have distinguished good from bad on the big matters but have exposed my human mindset on some small matters.
In September 2005, my elder brother was very sick, and I visited him a couple of times. He praised his children for their attentive care during his illness, as the tenderness they showed touched him deeply. I began to wonder, "If I were in his condition, would my children take care of me like that?" After he passed away, his family members were very grieved and cried a lot. I couldn't help thinking about when my wife died a couple of years ago. I had all kinds of sad feelings and felt very distressed. When my elder brother was buried, somebody said, "We have to leave a couple of positions for his brothers." I said, "Don't do that, they might not come back." I was thinking of my own interests. Then I thought, "I will wait and see whether I come back."
At the time I did not realize that this thought was not right. Although a cultivator, my thoughts were not on the Fa. I did not look into myself and I did not eliminate this selfishness with righteous thoughts, so the evil in other dimensions took advantage of my shortcomings. I became very weak in my whole body and had difficulty walking. I needed to take a break just to walk to the fourth floor. There was noise in my ears, my voice became hoarse, my chest felt congested and I had a cough.
I remembered that a practitioner should not have illness, and wondered, "Has the evil in other dimensions used my attachment to persecute me?" Just like what Master said,
"You already know that the form of a Dafa disciple's cultivation has one cultivate here, in the world, among ordinary people, and that the cultivation directly targets one's mind. All human attachments and notions that interfere with validating the Fa and saving sentient beings must be removed. For cultivators traveling a divine path, is it really that hard to get rid of those attachments that arise from human thinking and to change those notions? If a cultivator doesn't want to get rid of even those things, well, how is he to show that he's a cultivator? Of course, most disciples who are in this state are that way because, at the beginning, they didn't realize that they had subtle attachments or were being interfered with by their own notions, and so the evil has exploited this gap and magnified those factors." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
I felt deep regret in my heart. I had cultivated for so many years yet still showed this state. I was ashamed in the face of Master's merciful salvation. I felt sorry for my fellow practitioners and felt sorry for myself. I had great pressure on my mind. How would I tell my fellow practitioners?
Then, I remembered Master's teaching:
"With righteous thoughts and righteous actions
He is diligent without letting up" (A Righteous God)
I went to the Fa study group, studied the Fa with my fellow practitioners, improved my understanding, and discovered my shortcomings. With my fellow practitioners' help, I improved according to the Fa, completely denied the old forces' arrangements, and earnestly asked Master to give me strength to eliminate the interference from other dimensions. In this way, I was able to quickly get out of this state. In the meantime, I also came to realize the seriousness of cultivation. Everything I do must be based on the Fa's requirements. I should truly maintain righteous thoughts and righteous actions in order to become a true practitioner in the Fa-rectification period! This is my personal understanding. Please correct any incorrect understandings.