Standing Up and Walking on My Own
Greetings Master, Greeting fellow practitioners!
First, I would like to thank Master for giving us this opportunity to share our experiences. I would like to thank the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net) also, for building this communications bridge for us. As a Dafa disciple in the period of Fa-rectification, I feel honored and grateful to Master for being able to follow Master in the process of Fa-rectification to this day.
I obtained the Fa two months before July 20, 1999. I didn't have any goal in my life then and felt lost. When I first heard Master's lecture I could not help crying. My heart was full of respect for Master and I felt that I found the only truth in the world, so I decided to start cultivation. Nevertheless, the persecution soon started. The lies were so overwhelming that I was duped and gave up the desire to cultivate. Master is benevolent, however; he kept calling me. When I am alone, I can always hear Master's lecture. Two years had passed by then, and I finally woke up. I resumed reading Zhuan Falun again.
In the beginning, Master constantly watched over the "kid who cannot walk."
Initially, since I didn't realize the significance of Fa study, I didn't study the Fa very well. Master used many means to remind me, "It is time to read the Fa." When I ran into conflicts or difficulties, when I was misunderstood by others, or when I felt that life was so hard that I wanted to give up, I would hear Master's voice. Then, my heart would be moved and I would cry. Only reading the Fa can make me stand up again and face all of life's difficulties. Just like this, I learned how to discipline myself and study the Fa with great care.
Sometimes in my dream I saw that Master was helping me walk forward, making me feel that Master is taking care of me. Later in my dream, when somebody tried to hurt me or catch me I would shout "Master, Master!" Then those people would leave. I really felt that Master is amazingly great. I grew up under Master's protection.
"Standing up and walking on my own"
Gradually, I saw the wonders of Dafa and realized that I should be with fellow practitioners. When we are together, fellow practitioners' behavior influences me much, making me realize that I should be among them. After intently reading Master's new articles, I had a deeper understanding of Dafa and realized the principles of the universe and Dafa, the significance of studying the Fa and the meaning of the three things. I realized that my life is for Dafa.
With fellow practitioners' help, I learned how to do the exercises and send forth righteous thoughts, and also how to clarify the truth and look inward. When I first started clarifying the truth, because of my attachment to fear, I only dared to do so when I was with other practitioners and only dared to hand out one or two copies of truth-clarifying materials when I rode the bus. Since I always went out to clarify the truth with fellow practitioners, I learned from their discussions that we are actually saving people by clarifying the truth. Gradually, when there were not many people around, I was able to tell others that Dafa is great. Sometimes I told others objectively that Falun Dafa is good for health. After reading the Fa and [articles on] the Minghui Weekly, I also tried to find the shortcomings in my truth-clarification. I sent forth righteous thoughts quite often, and my mind was getting more and more clear and rational. I learned how to "stand up and walk on my own."
Recently I started doing the three things on my own. I don't do the exercises well, although I read a lot every day, because doing the exercises is really difficult for me and I have to forbear the pain. With fellow practitioners' help, I also started forcing myself to do the exercises. When I was pregnant I needed to walk a lot. So I took this chance to go to a lot of places to hand out materials. Sometimes I went with practitioners. Since all the doors of the buildings in the subdivisions are automatically locked, I could only enter when the door is open. Initially, because of my fear and lack of righteous thoughts, most of the doors were locked. Sometimes, even if I entered the building while sending forth righteous thoughts, I still sweated a lot and my heart beat rapidly when I left. After looking inward for my own shortcomings, I learned that I should send forth righteous thought first before going to hand out materials. Gradually, I was able to enter more buildings and my speed also increased. Since I had less fear, the area where I handed out material also became larger.
But I still didn't do well clarifying the truth face to face. I was always afraid that people wouldn't accept what I say and report me. Once I tried to clarify the truth to several people. They all refused to accept what I said and they were strongly against me. After then I was quite frustrated. I didn't want to talk to people face to face; instead, I decided to focus on handing out materials. But after reading stories of fellow practitioners' righteous actions from the Minghui Weekly and other articles about clarifying the truth, I was encouraged. Gradually I started going out to talk to people again. I let go of my fear and didn't try to force people to accept my opinion; instead, I let everything happen naturally. After I put down my human mindset, I found that more and more people would listen to me and I was able to talk to them eloquently. Thank you, Master, for giving me the wisdom and capability of speech.
One afternoon I went out to post the words "Falun Dafa is great" and "Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance are great." Since it was already daytime, many people passed by and I felt fear then. Although I kept sending forth righteous thoughts, I could stick my posters on the wall. I eventually had to go home. After I got home I started looking inward for the reason I was afraid. When I read, "What's there to fear? My body would still sit there even with my head cut off." ("Huge Exposure" from Essentials for Further Advancement), I suddenly realized that I was afraid of death. After reading the Fa and sending forth righteous thought, I decided to go again the next day to affix the posters, since I realized that I should not be afraid of death. The next day during the daytime, I went out after sending forth righteous thoughts. When I got there, due to my strong righteous thoughts, I didn't have any fear. Under Master's protection I displayed the poster on the bus stop bulletin board. With the power of compassion, every word was golden and shining.
Later I had a dream, in which two policemen searched a fellow practitioner's house for Dafa books. When they were outside, that practitioner and I were doing housework inside. I went out and asked them what they were doing there. They said that they were trying to find the Dafa books. I told them with my righteous thoughts, "There is no book. If you want to take something away with you, then I am here, take me!" They were hesitant at the beginning, but later they went out with me. On the way to the police department I clarified the truth to them, and we eventually became friends. This dream made me realize that everything we do is for the sake of saving people. As long as we have righteous thoughts, the evil must collapse, and as long as we believe in Master we can do anything, and we will be divine.
Cultivating with a child
After my child was born, my cultivation became more intensive and the manifestation of tribulations also changed. The surface level problems became more obvious. The child came here with a responsibility to obtain the Fa. He is pure, and needs the Fa to make himself strong.
I had then not yet noticed his reflection of my slacked cultivation status; I didn't realize that he also needed to study the Fa. When I didn't study due to attachments or conflicts in everyday society, when I didn't study due to my pursuit of seeking comfort, or when I didn't want to do the three things because of the hardship of taking care of the child, the child would keep crying, sometimes even manifesting the symptoms of a cold. At the beginning I cried but could do nothing. I knew that he came to obtain the Fa, but his sickness didn't go away. I asked Master for help, but with no results. Then I was mad inside, just like the person Master mentioned in Zhuan Falun who broke the Buddha statue. Although I didn't break anything, I was anxious and quite angry in my mind and heart. Finally, after trying everything, I had to sit down and look inward, which was a very painful process.
When I calmed down I recognized that it was my own problem. Then it occurred to me to send forth righteous thoughts and have faith in Master. So, I started sending forth righteous thoughts intensively. With Master's help and my strong righteous thoughts, I stood up again and started doing the three things.
Just like that, day after day, my child is growing, and I am growing also. I put down the attachment to a comfortable life, which I didn't want to give up before. I learned to listen to or watch Master's lecture when I played with the child. I learned to do the housework and to clarify the truth when the child is asleep. I learned to fully use the time at night to study the Fa and do the exercises. I don't take any naps in the daytime. Sometimes, to take care of the child and study the Fa, I forbear it when I am really sleepy. When he got big enough, I was able to take him with me to clarify the truth. He is always very quiet when I hand out the materials. Once he almost fell out of my arms but he didn't cry at all. When I am talking to people, he just listens to me quietly. He falls asleep when I need to do Dafa work, and wakes up when I am done. I know this is all Master's arrangement.
When he was able to walk he began to get into trouble, which made me develop an attachment. I always thought, "He is naughty, so I cannot do anything but take care of him." I didn't have time to do the three things, which agonized me. I started slacking off, and this state lasted for a long time. One day I had a dream in which I was about to make it to the top of a building. There was only one step left, but I fell. The dream awakened me. I recalled that in the process of the child growing, I ran into many difficulties. I had many human thoughts, attachments and a lot of everyday stuff that I didn't want to give up. I learned to stand up on my own, strive forward diligently through tears and falling again and again. Although my path has been full of difficulties, obstacles and tribulation, I struggled through them with Master's help. I thank Master for His protection, which helped my child and me improve together.
After reading Master's new articles "Walk Straight Your Path" and "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be", I realized that all of the so called tribulations are actually due to my own attachments to comfort and an easier life. Dafa disciples are great and special. We are the hope of sentient beings and the hope of the future universe. How can we still have attachments to the things of everyday society and the Three Realms? Actually, all the difficulties we encounter in ordinary society are due to our own notions. If we put down our human mindsets and notions, then our comprehension and judgment of things will change; also, we will be able to abandon the principles of the old universe and the principles of the evil Communist spirit, and we will be able to assimilate to the characteristic of the new universe--"Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance."
When I read stories of overseas practitioners' righteous anti-persecution actions, I felt ashamed of myself. When I saw the solid will of practitioners who were tortured, my heart was moved. Do I have any reason not to do the three things well? We all are Dafa disciples under Master's protection. If I don't do well, how can I face fellow practitioners and Master? Am I then not afraid that Master would give up on me if I don't put down my attachments? When I listened to the song praising Master I cried. My responsibility is to rescue people, because Master said, "The only thing you have a role in is saving people." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Chicago")
Master is waiting for good news from us. The sentient beings are waiting for us to bring them back. As a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification era, I don't have any reasons to give up on saving people. I will strive forward diligently with my child, and walk well the rest of the path. Master, your disciple only listens to you.
(Articles from the Second Mainland China Internet Experience Sharing Conference)
November 2, 2005