(Clearwisdom.net)
Dear fellow practitioner,
After I read your letters, I thought a lot. I want to share my understandings with you.
I felt very sad upon learning that the conflict between you and your husband (also a Dafa practitioner) has elevated again. I felt again that Dafa practitioners' paths of cultivation are very narrow; and any omission will lead us away from the righteous path.
Regarding the attachments and problems of your husband you mentioned, here is what I think: even the third party should look inward for attachments when seeing conflicts between two parties. Many times, it does not matter who is right or who is wrong on the surface; what really matters is whether or not our hearts are moved. Truly looking inside for our own attachments is very difficult. Take me as an example: many times when there are conflicts, I always point out the other party's problems and attachments, and even when I look inward, it is based on the thought "the other party is for sure wrong." In fact, when I do this I am avoiding looking at my attachments or changing myself. As a cultivator, how could this be acceptable? We cannot always point out other people's shortcomings and help others to improve, yet firmly hold our own attachments without letting go. This is not true cultivation at all.
In "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference," Teacher said,
"You're a cultivator, so why is it that sometimes you have lengthy arguments where you refuse to give ground? Why do you always say it's because of other people's attitudes? Why is it that whenever someone else says something you're affected? Aren't you supposed to remain unaffected even when someone verbally assaults you? Many of the factors that contribute to a conflict are caused by that thing at work. Whenever someone hits on that thing you become rash and worked up, your heart even starts to pound, and at that moment you don't think of being responsible to the Fa but just get angry and can't get over it. Some people always insist, "My, how come that person always has such an attitude? Why is he like that with everyone?" And there are some people who say, "Well nobody thinks too highly of him." But if you ask me, your master, you're all wrong. When none of you are attached anymore to wanting to hear pleasing things, when none of you are affected when you're insulted, see if he'll still be like that. Exactly because you people have those attachments, there exist factors that hit on your attachments; and exactly because those attachments of yours are stirred up, you get irritated; when all of you have those attachments, the situation where everyone is irritated by the person who hit on their attachments comes about. If you can all keep a calm and steady state of mind while being assaulted by strong words, and you're not at all affected, then see if those factors still exist."
Recently, I have not been able to resolve conflicts with some practitioners. In the truth-clarification project I am working on, I also heard about other conflicts between practitioners. Before, I was frequently affected by various phenomena on the surface: "On this issue, practitioner A is right; regarding that, practitioner B is righteous and practitioner C is not thinking based on Dafa." I was busy analyzing others.
Later on when I thought about the issues, I became enlightened to a principle all of a sudden: all of the various phenomena are not there accidentally; they are corresponding to our various attachments. Fundamentally, their goal is the same: to drag your focus and attention away from the important Fa-rectification things you are doing now, and to interfere with you so that you cannot study the Fa with a calm mind.
Facing conflicts, if we can all maintain an unshakable calm, then could the evil's arrangements still work?
Teacher said,
"If you are not afraid, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist." ("Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
No matter how the evil interferes with us, if our hearts remain calm and persist in doing the three things Teacher told us to do, then the evil's interference will fail to work, and the problem will be resolved.
About the issue of publishing articles on Dafa websites (putting a practitioner's understanding about other practitioners' attachments or shortcomings on Dafa websites) I am not clear on what attachment that is. However, I think that Dafa websites are solemn places where practitioners help each other to improve and share experiences; it's a pure field. Also, Teacher's articles and Dafa books are also on these websites. Pointing out other practitioners' shortcomings with the mentality of helping them to improve, so that we take the righteous path as one body is good, but attacking each other and exposing each others' wrongdoings is not the right thing to do (except reminding practitioners about the special agents of Jiang's Regime).
Below is a related question and answer in "Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students."
"Question: When a husband and wife are both Dafa disciples and they have conflicts and problems that can't be resolved, can they divorce? (Audience laughs) Does it have anything to do with cultivation?
Teacher: Actually I'd say you have omissions in your cultivation, even though some students might say that you're doing all right. Aren't you overly attached to those human things? If both of you could let go of self and cultivate well and not have such a strong sense of self, then could you not handle those things well, given that both the husband and wife are Dafa disciples?
As for divorce, I've told you to conform to ordinary society as much as possible; today, whether it's getting divorced or getting married, I won't say anything. I discuss things in terms of Fa's principles. But I'll tell you, those things won't be allowed in the future. They result from the current state of modern society. I can't force you to do things a certain way, but the lives of the future won't be allowed to do this, nor would they [if they could].
Also, let's talk a little about human beings. Nowadays people consider emotion really important, yet emotion is one of the most unreliable things. "When you're nice to me I'm happy, and when you're no longer nice to me the feeling is gone." Then how could you count on that thing? Could emotional ties sustain a marriage? With human beings there's not just moral obligation involved, but also, between man and wife, you are indebted to each other. So in terms of the woman, when she has put her whole life in your hands, the man should realize, "This woman has entrusted her whole life to me. I have to be responsible for her." The sense of indebtedness that a husband and wife have for each other is something people don't recognize or value today. Of course, the state of society now isn't like [what I just described], so I don't hold you to that. As Dafa disciples you should handle yourselves well and try your best to avoid such things [as divorce].
Of course, just now I only talked about men. I need to talk a little about women now. (Audience laughs) Well, I'll go easy. (Audience laughs) As a woman, you in turn need to be understanding of your man. Women: you all want your man, your husband, to be a strong, upright and dignified, manly guy, but in your actions you always keep him down, keeping him under such tight control that he's like a woman (audience laughs). So how could he be manly? When the whole society is in this state, think about it, the society's men have all become she-men, (audience laughs) and all the women have become he-women , (audience laughs)--it's the inversion of yin and yang. Of course, that's how society is, and I won't insist that you be a certain way. We do have some female students who are indeed really talented, and there are some people who are really amazing, (Master laughs) and sometimes they surpass men in terms of abilities. But all the same, a lot of times you really need to be considerate of your men. As a cultivator, you have to be a good person wherever you are, and you have to be considerate of others--so in the home why can't you be considerate and understanding of your own husband? Aren't we to leave the future mankind with the best things? When both of you are cultivators you should each be considerate of one another, and with that how could you talk about divorce? Marriage should be something unbreakable. (Audience laughs) (Teacher sighs)"
