(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, a practitioner in our Dafa materials site was arrested because of surfing the Internet and still hasn't been released. The truth-clarifying material production was brought to a stop because we had only two people at this site. I am only in charge of doing chores such as doing odds and ends and taking care of living issues. I don't know anything about how to make the detailed truth-clarifying materials and I never thought of learning it. This practitioner had taken care of all the work at this Dafa material site, so it all came to a stop when he was arrested. Although just one practitioner was arrested, I saw that we, as a whole, had loopholes which the evil was able to take advantage of. In the meantime, this allowed me to find many weaknesses within myself, which I will now summarize so I may do better in the future.
1) I had the pursuit of comfort and didn't devote myself wholeheartedly in the Fa-rectification. I tended to select safe and easy work to do and did things that I preferred. I am used to relying on other people; I didn't like to think hard when doing things and didn't like to take responsibility. As a result I didn't have the sense of responsibility and didn't want to take the initiative in doing Dafa work. At the Dafa materials site, I usually just did some housework or helped to bind the materials. I still thought that I was also participating in Dafa work and so had a sense of satisfaction in my mind. Once when I was working at a materials site, a practitioner proposed that we should take turns doing the cooking, printing, and Internet surfing so that everyone could independently learn the work. At that time, I didn't realize the importance of this. Instead, I thought it was asking me to do something I am not good at and to make my life more difficult. Since I did not share in the responsibilities of doing Dafa work at the materials site, the burden was put entirely on one practitioner. I didn't realize that at the time. I realize now that my actions fell far short of the standard of a Fa-rectification Dafa practitioner and I feel very bad about that.
2) I didn't realize the nature of a Dafa materials site. I was not able to think from the standpoint of "one-body," so I didn't put all my energy into the Dafa work site. At the end of last year, I only focused on writing letters to clarify the truth of Falun Gong to my relatives, which took a large amount of my time. Actually, the work at the Dafa materials site is to tell the truth of Falun Gong to more people. It was something I should have paid more attention to. I should have focused on it and cooperated well with the fellow practitioner. That way, the Dafa materials site could have run more efficiently and produced truth-clarifying materials with better quality, thus playing a better role in our truth-clarifying efforts.
3) Fellow practitioners were unable to open their hearts to each other and to save face, we often failed to point out each other's mistakes. We often just kept our ideas or suggestions to ourselves. For instance, at one point, I thought of the possibility of hooking up to the Internet with a cell phone but I didn't speak out. Later, it was in this area that we met with trouble. Although I don't have much knowledge in this area, I still could have talked to the practitioner and we could have paid more attention to it. If we could have combined our efforts, things would have been quite different. Usually, when we found there was some sign of conflict, we failed to immediately communicate with each other to eliminate any misunderstandings. Instead, we allowed it to accumulate, which generated some disharmony and misunderstandings between us.
4) Being unable to realize the interference from the evil, I didn't have a good sense of one-body, and I didn't care enough about the fellow practitioner. Ten days before he was arrested, he had been suffering serious sickness karma. He had a toothache, swollen face, headache, and felt dizzy. Most of the time, he stayed in bed and therefore didn't spend enough time studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts. It wasn't until he wanted to put together an article exposing the evil in our local area that he started to show these symptoms. It was obviously interference from evil. At that time, I didn't have a clear understanding and didn't pay attention to it. If both of us had clear understanding and sent forth righteous thoughts, the outcome would have been quite different. The practitioner was suffering painfully when he was going to do the Dafa work, and so he asked Teacher for help. The pain immediately disappeared. His swollen face cleared up and he successfully finished the work. Three days later, however, the toothache and facial swelling reappeared and he was again bedridden. Because the Dafa work wasn't hindered the last time he was ill, he mistakenly thought it was karma-elimination. Since I didn't share my understanding with him, didn't realize it was the interference of evil forces, and didn't study and send forth righteous thoughts with him, the evil was able to find a loophole to achieve its goal. When the practitioner was enduring the pain, I failed to realize the importance of joining our efforts to break through it and I treated it passively.
I remember when I was holding a hunger strike in prison, a fellow practitioner in the cell quietly supported me. When I didn't feel good, she always came to my place and read Teacher's articles. Sometimes I asked her not to read but she never gave up and still read the Fa and so I had to sit down and listen to her. Very soon, I broke through the persecution and was released from prison. She was also released soon after. Whenever I thought of how she read the Fa to me and her pure heart of helping fellow practitioners I would be moved. Comparing myself with her, I saw how I fell short.
5) In the beginning I didn't pay attention to group Fa study and didn't understand the importance of it; therefore I treated it as a formality. But at the same time, I relied on group Fa study because I found it easier to concentrate and it was less distracting than studying alone. Later, the fellow practitioner proposed to study the Fa separately because he thought it would be more effective if he studied by himself. I thought at that moment that it might be pointing at my attachment to group Fa study. However, I gradually found that there was a lack of something between us. One day, I suggested studying the Fa together and he agreed. We read "Essentials for Further Advancement." He started from "Lunyu" and I couldn't hold back my tears once he started reading. I felt that what once separated us was melting and our individual spaces were joining together in unity. Our hearts were getting close and we were feeling a solidarity that we never had before. Later however, since I didn't tell him my understandings and didn't pay enough attention to it, we resumed studying the Fa separately.
Once I found that his Fa study was not that good so I proposed that we study together. It happened that we were both ready to read Lecture 5 so we read that lecture together. Later, the fellow practitioner told me with joy, "It's really good for us to study together. My headache is gone and the more I read, the more clear-minded I become." Since we didn't exchange our understanding on group Fa study, we did not pay enough attention to it. Teacher told us in the "Fa-Lecture at the Conference in Florida, U.S.A.":
"So when you study the Fa, don't just go through the motions." I enlightened that, in this special period in which Dafa is being persecuted, to form one-body and make everything perfect and indestructible is extremely important. Group Fa study can enhance and intensify the sense of one-body among practitioners and eliminate separation, thus forming a powerful and indestructible entity. In any circumstances, as long as there are over two practitioners, we should not ignore group Fa study.
Since I have not been clearheaded and have been in a muddled state, I missed many opportunities that were presented for my improvement. Because I did not quickly find the loopholes and fill them, a major loss to Dafa occurred. I now realize that as a Dafa practitioner in the Fa rectification period, I should study the Fa well and keep clearheaded. I will be more sensitive and won't ignore unhealthy trends and loopholes. I will exchange ideas, discuss and analyze issues with fellow practitioners, handle issues in a timely manner and never leave any loopholes.
This is the limited understanding at my level, so there may be some mistakes. I welcome fellow practitioners pointing them out.
