I obtained Falun Dafa in 1996 in Changchun City, Jilin Province in Northeast China. At that time, I was a junior high school student. I read the book Zhuan Falun (the main book of Falun Dafa) in two days. The book answered many questions that I had about life, and unfolded an unknown world in front of me. I attended the group practice and group Fa-study (study of Falun Dafa's teachings) at the practice site at the Jilin University of Technology, Changchun City, Jilin Province. The practitioners who I have met there were all very kind. I started my path of cultivation.
In 1998, I was admitted to the University of Shanghai for Science and Technology in Shanghai City. So I continued practicing and Fa-study at the local university practice site.
Now I will briefly write down what happened to me after July 20, 1999 (which was the date when Jiang Zemin Regime began persecution of Falun Gong in China).
On July 20, 1999, practitioners went to Shanghai People's Square to collectively appeal for Falun Gong . I was registered as the only student to appeal from the University of Shanghai for Science and Technology.
On July 21 and 22, someone from the university police department security office and the university's political and ideological instructor [1] talked to me. They wrote down "inquiry records."
At the end of July 1999, I went to appeal for Falun Gong to the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist Youth League (CCYL) with three practitioners from East China Normal University in Shanghai.
In August and September 1999, someone from the university talked to me many times. However, I declared that I would continue to practice.
In November 1999, I was the only student at the university who continued practicing Falun Gong, so I was sent to a so called "sealed type study class" (in fact, a "brainwashing class") for nearly 20 days. I was not allowed to see anyone. I had to guarantee that I would not go to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong before I could return to my class.
In March 2000, I drafted an "Indictment against the Ministry of Public Security of PRC for Violation of Constitution." I was going to take legal proceedings to the Supreme Court in Beijing during the annual "Two Meetings" period [2]. However, I failed to do so for various reasons. The Shanghai Police Department Wenbao Branch detained me on "criminal charges" for one month. I was locked up in First Detention Center in Shanghai, which mainly detains criminals who had been given life sentences or death penalties. I was later released on bail until a trial could be held.
In November 2000, I distributed some truth-clarification material about Falun Gong in Liangcheng New Village in Shanghai City with another practitioner. Someone reported us to the police. We were detained at the Detention Center in Hongkou District, Shanghai City and were illegally sentenced to one year in the labor camp.
After the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) in 2001, I was transferred to the Shanghai First Labor Camp in Dafeng City, Jiangsu Province. At the labor camp, I had to endure the harsh military training type physical abuse for a long time. I had to sit on a small backless stool for extended periods of time. I was deprived of normal sleep. Criminal inmates in the prison threatened me. The prison arranged for me to meet with my family members and be pressured by them to give up my practice of Falun Dafa. I was forced to read the articles written by former practitioners who had enlightened along an evil path (believed the propaganda against Falun Dafa). I had to watch evil propaganda programs. Under high pressure and interference from the affection between family members, with the human attachments, I enlightened along an evil path--I accepted the brainwashing and "enlightened" to reasons for giving up Falun Dafa. I thought that compromising and transformation [3] were part of the arrangements in cultivation. I thought I should observe the "legal laws and regulations" and should not oppose the government and so on. I even cooperated with the prison officials and helped transform other practitioners. When I was in the labor camp, agents from the National Security Bureau in Shanghai City came to talk to me. They asked me if I would work for the government. I agreed as I continued to enlighten along the evil path.
In June 2001, I was released from the labor camp after a reduction of my term. I was able to return to the University of Shanghai for Science and Technology to continue my education. I had been forced to leave school after I was released from detention center in March 2000.
The forced labor and brainwashing had left a shadow in my psychology. I didn't study the Fa after I regained my freedom. I thought I would cultivate again later. I didn't want to read Teacher's new articles even when fellow practitioners brought them to me. My studies had been delayed for nearly two semesters; therefore, I just wanted to study hard and graduate.
After I was released from the labor camp, agents from the National Security Bureau (abbreviated to Bureau in the following text) often came to talk to me. They chatted with me, or invited me to dinner. They wanted to make sure that I didn't "relapse" [4]. They inculcated a lot of deviated ideas in me, such as Falun Dafa was supported by the overseas anti-Chinese groups, Falun Dafa accepted financial support from overseas governments, Falun Dafa opposed China, and so on.
By the end of October or beginning of November of 2001, the agent who had talked to me when I was in the labor camp, came to me again and ask me to work for them. He promised me that if I accomplished my job, he would help me get my diploma.
In my evil-enlightenment state at that time, I thought it was a good deed to help the government to transform those "infatuated" practitioners. (I called those steadfast cultivators "infatuated" at that time). And at the same time, I would be able to get my diploma. So I agreed to help them.
The agent gave me instructions. A practitioner (Xiao Li) who came from Tongji City, Shandong province was arrested in Northeast China. An agent from the Bureau pretended to be Xiao Li on the internet and contacted another practitioner in Northeast China. The Bureau planned to have this agent (who pretended to be Xiao Li) recommend me to a materials site [5] in Northeast China. I would collect information in the name of helping the local practitioners in the materials site to setup internet access and print out truth-clarification materials. I was told that I just needed to find out more information about the site there, and find out if there was any financial support or instructions from overseas and so on. Actually I had been curious about this kind of work (as a secret agent) and I didn't think it was wrong to do it at that time. The National Security Bureau for several reasons chose me. First of all, I went to college in Shanghai. Secondly, I used to live in Changchun in Northeast China. Thirdly, I had practiced for several years. Fourthly, I was good at internet access. So the Bureau thought I was a suitable person to work for them.
They brought me back to my hometown Changchun in Jilin Province. They bought me a new DELL notebook computer. They also bought me a new cell phone with a new SIM card and a beeper. In the first few days, they even had me read Teacher's new articles so that I could be more convincing. Since I had an ulterior motive, I only read Teacher's articles to understand its surface meaning. Then, not long after, a local practitioner in Changchun called me and wanted to meet with me. This was part of the Bureau's arrangement, as the agent had told me. Before the meeting, I was given a leather belt with a recording device in it. When I met with the local practitioner, I answered the questions of how I began practicing Falun Gong, and what I did after July 20, 1999, but I intentionally omitted the part about being brainwashed in the labor camp. Since it happened that the practitioner who was in charge of technical support in this area had just been arrested, the local practitioners really needed someone who could help with internet access. So after a brief investigation of me, I was told to go to Nongan City, Jilin Province.
The Bureau knew about it and agreed that I go to Nongan. Several vehicles and more than a dozen agents kept me under surveillance. They kept track of my location with their instruments. I was not sure how they did it, but I don't doubt that they had put something in the computer that they gave me. I noticed that they constantly changed the agent or the vehicle that followed me. I had been under surveillance until I eventually left Changchun.
After I arrived at the materials site in Nongan, I suddenly felt that I had been put back into a pure environment. I listened to other practitioners' experience sharing. A practitioner had just come out of Huanxiling Labor Camp in Huanxiling City, Jilin Province. I listened to him talk about his righteous thoughts and righteous actions in the difficult environment in labor camp and his firm belief in the Fa and in Teacher. I could see the big gap between myself and them, because I hadn't studied the Fa for over a year. Later I watched a truth-clarification VCD about the staged "Self-Immolation in Tiananmen Square"[6], and I was deeply disturbed. During the few days I stayed in Nongan, a fellow practitioner told me about the internet security and how to contact Minghui (the Chinese Clearwisdom.net website) with a non-public email address for future article submission. Then I was to go to Songyuan City, Jilin Province. I took care of the editing and composing work of truth-clarification materials, as well as internet access and article submission (through emails). I stayed at the materials site and seldom went elsewhere. The practitioners and I studied the Fa, shared experience and practiced exercises every day. Over time, I unwittingly regarded myself as a practitioner also. As I input into the computer the experience-sharing articles handwritten by practitioners, it slowly broke the shells formed by my old thinking and evil enlightenment. At that time, Mr. Liu Chengjun [7] often came to pickup (truth-clarification) materials. He used the alias "Dayong" at that time. I didn't realize he was Liu Chengjun until I came abroad and read the memoirs articles by other practitioners. Mr. Liu shared with us his experiences and his understanding of Fa-rectification. Once, he magically walked through the multiple iron gates of a labor camp and got out of the prison. The labor camp feared to take responsibility for his escape, and delivered the "Release Notice from Labor Camp" to his home. [8]
The environment of the materials site, the righteous thoughts of Dafa practitioners and the power of the Fa summoned me back to Dafa. Without realizing it, I was editing and composing the truth-clarification materials about Falun Gong and the experience-sharing articles from the Minghui website, and taught the local practitioners techniques to access the internet.
During that time, the agents from Bureau didn't meet with me for a week. They just called me every day or every other day. They told me over the phone that I should rove around instead of staying at only one site. They wanted me to get more information about other materials sites. But I didn't follow the instructions. In the last few phone calls, they commanded me to lie to other practitioners that I had to go to Shanghai for an emergency. They wanted to arrange a meeting with me to give me further instructions. At that time, another practitioner had just learned how to access the internet, but he still had difficulty editing the materials. All practitioners encouraged me to stay, but I left 2 days after a short hand-off. I felt bad when I left. The practitioners who had been with me daily didn't know my true identity. The righteous thought from deep in my heart also summoned me. I felt very bad.
I met with the agents from the Bureau. They thought I had been staying with practitioners for long enough. They were afraid that I "relapsed" [4] (i.e., became clearheaded and enlightened correctly), so they arranged for me to go back to Shanghai for a few days. In the ordinary people's environment, the ordinary human attachment of reputation, self-interest, and feelings among everyday people came out again. The bad and incorrect understandings that I had when I enlightened along the evil path reappeared in my head. At the same time, the agents from Bureau kept inculcating the idea of national security and political stability into me. I thought, "I still want to cultivate Falun Dafa, but I don't want to be against my country. I can't destroy national stability. What the other practitioners have done is wrong." When the Bureau felt that I had been brainwashed enough, they sent me back to Changchun. This time they didn't allow me to return to the materials site in Songyuan. Instead, they required that I go around the neighboring counties to collect more information. So I went to a few nearby towns with another practitioner that I came to know when I was at Nongan. We went to teach about how to access the internet. I had just gone to one or two places before something happened in the Bureau. Mr. Li Rongqing, whose alias was "Xiao Li," escaped from the guards of National Security Bureau in Changchun by jumping out from the 2nd floor with righteous thoughts. He was the Tongji practitioner that the agent from the Bureau had pretended to be, as I mentioned previously. The Bureau immediately commanded me to find out about him. When I was in Songyuan, the practitioners there often sent righteous thought to help him and hoped he could get out of the prison. I didn't expect that he really could get out. After I heard of his escape, I again felt the magical power of Dafa.
I returned to the materials site at Nongan. The practitioners in Nongan didn't know that Mr. Li escaped yet. They told me that Songyuan site needed my help very much, so I went back to Songyuan. Mr. Li Rongqing had called a practitioner in Songyuan asking for help, because he broke his leg when he jumped out of the 2nd floor. So the practitioner (female) who received the phone call arranged for Li to live in a home in Changchun. I went back to Changchun from Songyuan with them. When the Bureau found out about this, they requested that I bring Li to my home to get more information. So Li was moved to my place to recover. I didn't know that the Bureau had installed wiretap service in my home. When Li was in my place, I learned from him how to contact the editors of Minghui. So I began to contact the editors and submit articles to them. Shortly afterward, the Bureau told me that the materials site in Songyuan where I used to stay was searched and confiscated. Practitioners were arrested and it caused a huge loss to Dafa. I felt so sad. I felt I had betrayed the practitioners. The materials site in Songyuan was destroyed. A practitioner who was arrested could not withstand the evil's "extortion of confession by torture," and gave away the identities of a few other materials sites. I heard from the Bureau later that a lot of equipment and materials were confiscated from the other sites. I felt that I had caused a huge loss to Fa. I didn't know how to face Li and other practitioners with my undercover identity. Once when I was not at home, Li and another practitioner somehow discovered my identity. So they quickly left the house before I came back. However, there were surveillance personnel from the Bureau covering the building, so they were arrested as soon as they got into a cab.
The Bureau believed that I finished my job and there was nothing left for me to do. I left Changchun with a guilty heart. I do not know what else they did after I left. The Bureau arranged a pre-paid trip for me to go directly to Hainan [9]. They wanted me to forget what I had done, and continue to work for them. After the trip, they awarded me 10,000 Yuan for my performance [500 Yuan is the average monthly income for an urban worker in China]. They planned to use me to contact the editors of Minghui via email in order to get more information about practitioners. Because of my knowing side and an awakened conscience, I did not want to work for the Bureau anymore, so I dodged it with the excuse that my family opposed it and wanted me to focus on my studies. I gradually broke off my relations with the Bureau. I thought that I had made such big mistakes that there was no hope for me to cultivate any more. So I just wanted to be a good ordinary person. I found myself a job. Occasionally I would take a look at Teacher's new articles published on the Minghui website, because I deeply cherished my memory of the Fa. The agents from the Bureau still kept in contact with me. They asked me out to dinner or dim-sum once a while, like "old friends."
I couldn't help but cry when I read Teacher's new lecture Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference. I knew Teacher still wanted me to return even though I was unworthy of such forgiveness. I started to talk to a few familiar practitioners individually. I also had the strong desire to return to Fa, but strong ordinary human attachments hindered me. The memory of my arrests and the persecution I had suffered made it very hard for me to resume the practice. I thought that if I didn't go abroad, I would not be able to go out and face the evil directly, I would not be able to publicly declare myself to be a practitioner, and the wait after millions upon millions of years and the opportunity to cultivate would forever be lost to me.
When the agents from the Bureau learned that I planned to go abroad, they didn't oppose it. Instead they asked how they could help me. I didn't want their help. So I tried myself. Then I had some problems when I applied for my passport. At the scheduled date for me to pickup my passport, I was led to a small room upstairs in the department of the Ministry of Public Security that issued the passport. I waited for a long time before someone in charge showed up. He gave me a lot of excuses. He said my passport was not ready yet because they had too many applications to process, and I had to wait longer. He asked a lot of questions, such as where I worked. I could tell that somehow the Ministry of Public Security had my record on file. Then the agent from the National Security Bureau came to me again. He told me that I did not get my passport because I was a Falun Gong practitioner. The agent told me that the Bureau would coordinate with the Ministry of Public Security and help me to get my passport, but I had agree to continue working for them. After I got my visa, I was ready to go abroad. They came to me again. They wanted me to agree to keep in contact with them and inform them if I learned anything important. I compromised in order to go abroad. I agreed to keep in contact with them and provide information. They also warned me with a joking tone, that they did not fear me "relapsing" and restarting cultivation. They even said, "Do you think Dafa would still take you, with all the things you have done for us?" They told me not to be anxious and just focus on my studies. They didn't give me any specific instructions. Before I left China, they showed me a list of the key practitioners in France and Germany. I didn't want to memorize it at that time. Now I can only recall one name. There were only 2 or 3 names of French practitioners, but a longer list of German practitioners. They also gave me 1,000 US dollars for me to use abroad. I thought if I accepted their money I would have to work for them, so I refused.
After I came abroad, they sent me a few emails, and called me twice. They just inquired about my life and studies abroad, and tried to keep contact with me. They didn't request me to provide information about practitioners yet. In the beginning, I perfunctorily replied to their inquiries. I tried to stall communicating with them. After constant Fa study and sharing with fellow practitioners, I realized that I couldn't coordinate with Chinese officials any more. It was shameful for a Dafa practitioner to do that. So I no longer replied to anymore emails they sent to me.
However, the things that I had done in the past oppressed me all the time. It was a great burden on my heart, and seriously affected my cultivation. During the course of writing this article, my attachments kept coming out. The dark minions also came out to interfere with my writing. Whenever I encountered obstacles or interference, I studied the Fa and sent righteous thoughts. With help of Teacher and encouragement from fellow practitioners, I finally wrote down my experience. I felt like I had been "reborn." Looking at my understanding when I enlightened along an evil path and the deeds I did to cooperate with the evil, I seemed to be watching another me. Teacher has saved me for the second time with great compassion. I have to be doubly diligent in the future process of Fa-validation to wash away sins and to assimilate Dafa.
[1] In all schools (universities and colleges) in China, a political and ideological instructor, also called counselor, is assigned to each class or department, to monitor the student's ideology. The purpose is to make sure that the students do not have any ideology other than what CCP propagates.
[2] Two Meetings: Each year, two meetings -the National People's Congress (NPC) and Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference (CPPCC) were held around the same time.
[3] Transformation: means that a practitioner went astray due to brainwashing and brutal torture by Jiang Zemin's regime.
[4] Relapse: A Dafa practitioner who went through brainwashing and enlightened along an evil path realized his mistake, and resumes practicing.
[5] Materials site: refers to locations in China were practitioners create, print, and assemble literature that clarify the truth about Falun Gong and the persecution, such as flyers, banners, VCDs, etc.,
[6] Staged "Self-Immolation in Tiananmen Square," refer to http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/special_column/self-immolation.html
[7] Mr. Liu Chengjun, 32-years-old, from Nongan County, Jilin Province. He was arrested on March 5, 2002 for tapping into cable TV networks in Changchun and Songyuan. Working with several other Falun Dafa practitioners, he broadcast programs that revealed the facts about Falun Dafa and the evil nature of the persecution. The police illegally sentenced him to 19 years in the Jilin Prison. Mr. Liu was severely tortured in prison and died at 4:30 in the morning on December 26, 2003. In order to cover up their crime, the criminals responsible for his death cremated his body at 10:40 a.m. the same morning, against his family's wishes. Refer to http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2004/1/20/44264.html.
[8] A prisoner is supposed to have a "Release Notice from Labor Camp" before he is released. Mr. Liu Chengjun magically escaped the many iron gates and had no "Release Notice from Labor Camp" papers. So the labor camp delivered a notice to Mr. Liu's home to make up for this "oversight."
[9] Hainan: a province in south China, with beautiful scenery and attracts lot of tourists.
