Missing the Child That I Was Forced to Abandon
(Clearwisdom.net) The other day while I was riding a bus, I saw a policeman making a great effort to take care of his child. The fatherly love he displayed was really touching. Upon seeing it, I felt a sense of sentimentality in my heart.
I also have a child who is only two years and two months old. He is very cute. I often recall a time when he was just over a year old. He held up a remote controlled toy car in his hand and said to me, "Mom, car." That was the first time he spoke, and also the last time I saw him. It seems to me as if everything just happened yesterday. It also seems to have happened thousands of years ago. But now, I'm away from my child and I cannot go to see him, simply because I am a Falun Gong practitioner.
My husband used to practice cultivation in Falun Dafa. It was actually under his encouragement that I began to practice. We were on good terms and never had arguments. After our son was born in 2000, I stayed at home to take care of him. Together we would watch videotapes of Teacher lecturing the Fa. The boy was pretty quiet and seemed to take a liking to listening to the tapes. But we were only able to watch for 20 days before one evening when my husband did not come back home on time. I anxiously waited together with my son, late into the night. I had no idea what had happened to my husband. Yet I knew one thing for sure. As a Falun Dafa practitioner, even if you did nothing, if you answer "yes" when asked by authorities whether you will continue to practice, you may be imprisoned. Later on, it was confirmed that my husband was indeed arrested because he went to photocopy a few truth-clarifying letters and planned to give them to his friends. Half a month later, he was sentenced to one year's term in a forced labor camp. After our son was born, our family was together for only 50 days.
Afterwards, I lived alone with our son for another two months. Then, I started working again, and my mother came to take care of the baby for me. Those days were quiet, but I knew there was always a hidden danger because I did not give up Dafa. In July 1999, when the suppression campaign was made official, I recall feeling lost in the face of the overwhelming lies against Dafa. After some contemplation, however, it becomes increasingly clear to me that there is nothing wrong with being a moral and noble person, and that what Master Li taught us is the most righteous thing in this world. On the contrary, if I was asked to return to my former selfish and narrow-minded self, I would definitely not like that. The truth was clear, although this decision could mean losing my job, my family, my house, or even being arrested or killed.
Not surprisingly, after getting the news of my husband's release ahead of schedule after he was brainwashed in the forced labor camp, my work unit demanded that I write a "guarantee letter" agreeing not to practice Dafa. After I refused, my work unit started to withhold my salary and sent out a group of officials to take me to a brainwashing class. Having no choice, I left my home with my child and lived in a room rented by my friend. The boy suffered from this kind of life. Due to the lack of good care, he cried very often. Sometimes he was very timid and would become anxious if he could not see me. Fortunately, because I practiced Dafa, the child also benefited. Despite lack of good care, his health stayed in good shape.
My parents were very concerned about the child and me. Their opinion was, "It's not a big deal to write a guarantee or say 'I will not practice' - you can still practice secretly." However, in saying anything, one should be responsible to oneself, to others, and to one's conscience. Nowadays, people speak and act against their conscience simply to protect the little bit of vested interests of their own. In fact, I used to be like that also. Through Dafa cultivation, I gradually understood the true meaning of life. Now I always try to live up to the principles of Dafa, speak and conduct myself truthfully, be compassionate to others, and be tolerant in conflicts. As a result, I have become more broad-minded and positive when facing difficulties. In the days when I was forced to leave home, the principle of "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" helped me overcome all the difficulties. Without cultivation, I could not have been so strong-willed. I sincerely hope that everyone who has cultivators in their families could treat them nicely. In face of the extreme and unreasonable persecution and torture, they need your understanding and support. By doing that, you are also displaying the strength of great compassion in the human world.
I understood that there were only three alternatives in front of me: giving up cultivation, being arrested for brainwashing or forced labor, or leaving my home. To an average citizen, those are the only choices I had. The first choice was something I could in no way accept, while both the other two meant that I had to leave my child. I did not want my child to drift about destitute with me. Therefore, I started to keep a distance from him on purpose, though he is so dear to me. At night, I let him sleep with his grandparents. In the daytime, I let him play with his grandparents and other children of his age. Sometimes even when he learned to call me "mom," I dared not respond. I was not sure what would happen if he remembered that I was his mom and then could not find me anymore.
My husband was released from the forced labor camp two months early. After being brainwashed, he picked up his old habit of smoking again, which he had quit after starting cultivating in Dafa. He even collaborated with the "610 Office" and the evil police by taking me to the brainwashing class. The "610 Office" told me that if I refused be transformed, I would be sent to the forced labor camp. We practitioners started cultivation by our own will. But today the Jiang regime uses force to change our hearts. They totally ignore that I'm the mother of a young child. They only know that every day they need to prepare lunch for their children to go to school, but they are seizing my child away from me. How can there be such injustice in this world?
Now I have managed to escape the den of evil, but I still cannot go home again to see my child. Has he grown taller? Gained some weight? Does he still remember me as his mom?
Like most people, I only want to live a peaceful life. I had never imagined that I would be forced to leave my child and my home. Who on earth has disrupted my peaceful life and broken my happy family? Evil policemen, who have been used by Jiang to beat and torture Dafa practitioners: you take care of your own children at home and in the streets. Do you know that the many Dafa practitioners you torture also have children, and that they, too, deserve the care and attention of their parents?