(Clearwisdom.net)
I obtained the Fa in March 1999, but I was not diligent enough, so I wasn't able to recite very many of Teacher's scriptures. In most cases, I remembered only the gist or a few sentences here and there. I could not recite all the poems in "Hong Yin" or all of "Lun Yu" [statement of comments in the book, Zhuan Falun]. When I sat in meditation, I could not sit for the whole hour. Later on, I gradually improved my xinxing, I made it through these obstacles by virtue of my righteous thought of selfless altruism and with a staunch belief in Dafa. This made me deeply recognise the profound compassion of Teacher as I experienced the power of Dafa.
During the past two years of cultivation, the changes in my health and the elevation of my moral standard made me appreciate the preciousness of Dafa. Lies and fabricated rumours from the media helped me to understand who was really right and who was evil. I have been deeply convinced in my heart that the outrageous injustice that Dafa has been suffering is going to be redressed and the day of Fa-rectification in the human world is going to arrive. I had come to realize a long time ago that as practitioners in the Fa-rectification period we should appeal, go to Tiananmen, expose the fabrications and lies and tell the Government about the wrong that Dafa had been suffering. We should not be sitting at home and enjoying the good results of Dafa cultivation. But I had always thought that I should cultivate more and be in better shape before I go, so that I would have stronger righteous thoughts and thus be safer. Quickly, more than half a year had passed by and my mind was still able to focus very well when I was sending forth righteous thoughts. I was thinking that if I kept cultivating like this, I would not be able to improve this even by the end of the Fa-rectification. While getting closer to the Party's 16th Congress, I had no time to think about myself any longer. Instead I thought about how the Government should correct their mistake on the Falun Gong issue, how I should approach the Party Representatives, attract their attention and let more people learn about the truth.
Eventually, I decided to display a Falun Gong banner in Tiananmen Square. I resigned from my position at work in order not to bring any trouble to my work unit. In the beginning, I was still attached to my comfortable life and good job. I was afraid of the dangerous consequences of going. I stopped hesitating when I realised that Dafa gave life and happiness to me. I went to Beijing and sent forth righteous thoughts close to the People's Hall, and then later shouted "Falun Dafa is good", "Falun Gong is suffering the biggest injustice". I was able to successfully displayed a banner that said "Falun Dafa is good".
I was arrested and sent to the Tiananmen Police Station. I knew that I should not cooperate with the evil and would not allow them to take my photo or disclose my name and address. I did my best to peacefully clarify the truth to them. Most of the agents in the Tiananmen Police Station were kind-hearted, and their attitudes towards Dafa disciples were clearly different from those towards others. They were talking politely. They did not care much when we were sending forth righteous thoughts. That was the result of many Dafa disciples' Fa-rectification efforts over the past 3 years. An immediate sense of respect for those true Dafa practitioners arose from my heart. But there were still a few police agents that were very evil, full of profanity and physically abusive towards practitioners. They grabbed me by my hair in order to force me to take photos.
During the first 24 hours of my detention in the station, they did not give me any food or drink and I was only allowed to use a washroom once. Here, I experienced first hand the Jiang Regime's so called "democracy" and "human rights".
Eventually I was transferred to another police station. I was scared and I did not know how to deal with what was going to happen to me. In the midst of the confusion, I thought of Teacher, and suddenly I felt peaceful inside. Gradually my mind was becoming clear and alert: I should take the Fa as my Teacher. In my heart I was once again strengthening the thought of boycotting the evil with determination. I asked Teacher for strength and help and recited quietly in my heart Teacher's words when he told us how to send forth righteous thoughts. From the article Righteous Thoughts, Teacher said,
"You should focus your attention and your effort, your mind has to be absolutely clear and rational, the force of your thoughts needs to be focused and strong, with an air of supremacy and of destroying all evil in the cosmos."
I was imagining that Teacher was right beside me, compassionate, peaceful and omnipotent and that Teacher was guarding me the whole time. I imagined that I was a sacred, dignified god protecting the Fa and that I was supreme and unmoveable. I imagined that I had a huge Falun just as Teacher said in "Clear Mind (Xin Ming)", "Turning the Falun and the heaven and earth rectified". I was determined that wherever I went, I would rectify all that was not righteous. With that thought, my body felt light and ready to float. Suddenly, I was full of energy. I immediately realized that my thought was correct and that Teacher was helping me. I felt solid and certain about what I was going to do next. I would do what Teacher told us to do. Keep righteous thoughts all the time!
In the following days, a variety of characters started to work on me in turns. I thought, among them, there must be many predestined people. I assumed an air of a god protecting the Fa, clarifying the truth to them in compassionate language, wisdom and determination. I told myself that I should embody the qualities of determination, compassion, wisdom, kindness and elegance of a Dafa disciple. I told them that I was a university graduate, a good employee for my work unit and a good wife and mother at home. They said to me: "We can tell that you are a well educated person, peaceful and cultured." I said: "Dafa makes me even more perfect. My decision to practice Falun Dafa is based on sound logic. And appealing on Tiananmen Square is not a case of disturbing social order."
While talking, I looked straight into the eyes of the other person. Not only was respectful to do so but I could also assert the commanding power of my righteous thoughts. There were two villainous agents that looked very evil and used terrible language of intimidation. You could guess what it must be like in hell from their demeanour. In the beginning, I felt a little scared. But I told myself, "Don't be scared; what is controlling them are those evil beings that are doomed to be destroyed. They are not worth mentioning." I was looking straight into the other one's eyes, and sending forth righteous thoughts in my mind quietly. My language was always peaceful and polite. After a while, they stuttered. One of them turned his face away, the other one even laughed. I knew that it was my righteous thoughts that made them scared. I was surprised that my mind was so clear, alert and peaceful. I knew from my heart that it was our compassionate Teacher who was helping me. We were trying to help people to assimilate to "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance". Everyone naturally has a kind heart. Even the worst person has the desire to do good. Every person has a good side. I was trying to sense their kind hearts and good qualities and then point that out to them. This way, they would be willing to continue our conversation in the tone that I wanted. Whenever I felt strong compassion for them and felt that I would like to treasure each and every being, it made me desire to be friends with them. With such a thought in my mind, I no longer felt scared. With Teacher's strengthening energy, my sending forth righteous thoughts was very powerful and strong without interrupting the discussion.
With freedom lost, I did not feel the desire to eat food. In the beginning, I would not eat or drink. And later on, I was sent to a brain washing class. It consisted of endless hours with dozens of collaborators [former practitioners of Falun Gong who have gone astray in their understanding due to brainwashing, torture, and intense pressure] all talking in an illogical manner. One moment they said it was OK to practice Falun Gong and the next moment they said it is not OK to practice. It was very humorous to watch. They took Teacher's words out of context and twisted them according to their own evil understanding. There was no way they could deceive a true practitioner who understood the universal Law of "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance". This was the first time I had ever met such people. Before this, I could not understand them. Since they already obtained the Fa, and already have gained from Dafa, how could they deny and renounce Dafa? Now I understood: They did not put Dafa in the first place, they did not cultivate according to "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance". They did not accept that "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" is the highest Buddha Law in the Universe. These people embarked on an evil path because they had too many fundamental attachments with a "selfish" heart.
I heard that the four fellow practitioners that I met in Tiananmen Police Station had all given out their names and were sent back to their original places. One of them said to me that she was tired of being persecuted for so long. Not long ago, one practitioner from my hometown said to me that he did not know why he felt attached to the comfortable life style again. A few days later, he was arrested again. His current situation is not good. I recalled what Teacher said: "Cultivation practice is a serious matter." ("Drive Out Interference" from Essentials for Further Advancement II) I was worried about those fellow practitioners that I knew. While sending forth righteous thoughts, I would tell them in my mind: "Hang in there, keep up with righteous thoughts all the time. The Fa-rectification is coming to an end. We should not slack off in the final stage." The collaborators here were very happy whenever they mentioned their "successes" in transforming practitioners. I thought I should be strong until the end, and lending no energy to them at all. Immediately I felt something cover my ears and their words could never come into my heart. In the end, they became hysterical. They were shouting and yelling pathetically. One of them said: "If our boss should encounter a few practitioners like this in one day, he would be extremely angry." These words let me know that I was doing the correct and righteous thing.
They realized they could not transform me in the brain washing class. They then transferred me to a detention center. I felt that I was a disciple during the Fa-rectification.
Therefore, the environment should change according to my mind-will. I did not sign, did not allow them to finger print me. I did not wear the jail uniform and I did not recite the jail regulations. I practiced the exercises whenever I wanted to. After 3 days into a hunger strike without any food and water, one villainous agent tried to pry open my mouth to force-feed me with milk powder. At that moment, I got a very strong righteous thought and felt there was an energy field around me and I said in my heart: "No one can move me. I am one of the great sentient beings: noble, dignified, and invincible!" He was unsuccessful in force feeding me.
On the fourth day of my hunger strike, they forced infusions upon me. A few people held down my arms. I tried to break it loose and was calling in my heart: "Teacher, please help me, I do not want these dirty things! Teacher, please strengthen my energy, Buddhas, Taos, and Gods please strengthen me." After half an hour's fighting, some needles became bent and some syringes were blocked as they tried to forcibly infuse me. In the end, I felt the energy that was always in my body gradually leave. I ran out of energy and ended up receiving the IV infusion despite my long fight against it. After returning to my jail cell, my eyes kept tearing up: "It is an insult to be infused. Dafa is invincible. Because I did not do well, did not guard well the dignity of Dafa, the evil took advantage of me." A few days later, the authorities successfully forced another infusion into me. This time, I felt the energy field that always surrounded me disappear. I started to look inside seriously and examine myself to find out which thought was not righteous enough. I found 3 reasons: the most important thing was that I was not up to the standard of selfless altruism and I was not always within the Fa. I was thinking that I could feel better after the infusion without being forced fed. I did not emphasise defending Dafa in the first place, and totally forgot the duties of a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period and forgot the purpose of stepping forward. Secondly, it was inmates that were watching me while I was forced to take an infusion. So I gathered if I took out the syringe, they would get into trouble because of me. In fact, what I did would harm them, letting them be able to help a tyrant do evil. Thirdly, I had images in my mind: images of my hands bleeding due to the forced needles and images of being force-fed food. What I encountered was exactly the result of what I had imagined.
When I realized all this, the energy field in my body suddenly became very strong, the strongest ever. My body felt light and floating and big. It seemed that I was sitting on top of a column. The evil that was persecuting me in another dimension started jumping and hopping in vain under the column. Those long tubes that they were using upon me were inserted into their noses. I released a Falun that melted all the evil. I was using the whole afternoon to send forth righteous thoughts and felt the strong energy field all the time. Regardless of whether my eyes were open or not, the effect was all the same. This was what I did not anticipate. The reason that I had been able to feel omnipotent was because our compassionate Teacher saw this one thought of selfless altruism in me and thus strengthened me. In the evening, when I lay down on the bed, I felt a spot under my back become pretty warm. It was as if something was holding me up. I thought that Teacher was guarding me and everything would be fine. Teacher's guarding me is not for me to live a comfortable life but for me to carry out our sacred Fa-rectification duties. Any selfish thought in the mind is dangerous. No matter what happens, we should not pay attention to it. All we should think about is how to protect the Fa, validate the Fa and help save sentient beings.
In the evening of the same day, they released me. Before I left, a police agent beside me said: "Finally, you are out." Whenever they saw me, they got a headache and felt it was hard to be around me. The Chief told his subordinates that they should no longer transfer phone calls to him regarding Falun Gong practitioners. If every Dafa disciple could step forward and be most determined, there would be no room for the evil any more.
I realized that the reason why I could get out of the jailhouse uprightly was because it was most important to firmly believe in Dafa and Teacher, to always be selfless and altruistic while defending Dafa, to send forth righteous thoughts and to clarify the truth. If any one of them was not up to standard, I could not get out. Teacher had hinted to me twice that I should send forth righteous thoughts more to have the evil receive retribution and to manifest the dignity of Dafa. Another time, Teacher hinted at me to hurry up in clarifying the truth and arranged for me many opportunities to meet lots of people. The effect was usually great while clarifying the facts with a compassionate heart. Many people gradually understood and learned the truth and offered to help for the sake of Dafa. I was very touched.
During the process of Fa-rectification, the discrepancy was huge between what I have gained and what I have paid off. I had gained so much and understood many aspects of the Fa. During the 7 days of my hunger strike without food and water, I did not feel any discomfort. On the contrary, my body felt light, my mind felt clear and my main consciousness was strong. I realized from my heart that my assisting Teacher in the Fa-rectification process was actually finishing our own consummation. As a person that regained my freedom, from the bottom of my heart, I thank Teacher and those true cultivators who suffered tremendous tribulations. What Teacher is waiting for is those of us who are not diligent in cultivation. I hope my experience can encourage those fellow practitioners who have lost confidence in themselves. Don't under-estimate yourself. We are Dafa disciples during the Fa-rectification period. As long as we have a righteous heart, Dafa will give us endless energy and strength. Our compassionate Teacher is not willing to leave behind any predestined person. All we have to do is to cultivate more diligently to justify Teacher's compassionate waiting.
This is my personal understanding. If inappropriate, due to the limitations of my current cultivation level, I sincerely invite my fellow practitioners to please kindly point it out.
