Being Grateful to Master Li for His Immeasurable and Benevolent Compassion
1. Hearing the music of paradise, finding my way back after being lost, breaking through the shackles and returning to a righteous mind
While I was steeped in painful regret, after adopting an incorrect understanding of the Buddha Fa and writing a repentance statement [renouncing my belief in Falun Dafa] so that I could return home from a labor camp, a practitioner overcame many difficulties to offer me her help. She kept delivering Master's latest articles and the articles from the Minghui Net to me, and she encouraged me to awaken myself and get out of the evil's manipulation. However, I felt that I had done such severe damage to Dafa (I had caused many people to become reformed after I broke away from Dafa), and that Gods shouldn't show me any mercy. I even thought that, if Heaven didn't condemn me, it wouldn't accord with the universal characteristic of "Truthfulness, Compassion, and Tolerance." No matter what punishment it would be, I deserved it. However, after I realized my faults, I still had a tiny hope from deep within myself that I could be saved and that I should not resign myself to a dismal fate of extinction.
One day I suddenly thought to myself, "Does Master still want to save me? If you do, please give me a hint!" During that night in a dream, I heard the sounds of Dafa music; it was clearly the exercise music. I suddenly woke and sat up. Master's poem of "Non-existence" appeared in my mind. Since I wrote the repentance statement, sounds related to Dafa had not appeared in my mind. I was so touched, that I couldn't control myself from crying. My long lost heart had returned to the bright road. The Dafa music touched and comforted my heart that had been in the dark for so long, and I felt the holy, immeasurable benevolence of our Master.
I started to read Dafa literature, but I didn't start practicing the exercises. One night, in another dream, Master let me see what I looked like after my demonic transformation. There was a mirror in front of me; I looked as ugly as a demon figure, my hands were especially ugly; they appeared dark gray and looked like a demon's claws. Facing the mirror, I kept saying loudly, "Master, I don't want to be a demon. I still want to be a Dafa practitioner and cultivate Dafa!" Every time I repeated the words, I looked better. I kept repeating the words until I looked like a dignified human. Before July 20, 1999 [the day the Chinese government banned Falun Gong], when I cultivated diligently, my main consciousness often left my body and witnessed many beautiful and wonderful scenes in other dimensions. I also saw many Buddhas, Taos and Gods as well as Master Li's law-body. However, since I wrote the repentance statement, I couldn't see anything at all. Then, after I saw that mirror in my dream, my main consciousness left my body a few times. But I always went to bad places and saw bad things, so I tried to keep myself from leaving my body because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from participating in the bad things.
Since I started studying the Fa [law and principles], my biggest obstacle was that I felt dirty and, therefore, unworthy of touching Dafa literature. I didn't realize that this was also one form of demon interference; the demon tried all means to keep me from reading Dafa literature. After failing several Xinxing (mind nature; moral quality) tests from my family members, I deeply realized how hard it was to start cultivating myself again. I thought of shrinking back while facing the hardships and that I might already have, as Master Li has described those people with a lot of karma, "so much karma that the body is shrouded in it." At that time, the practitioner visited me again. After telling her of my feelings of despair, she solemnly said to me, "The reason for Master to benevolently wait again and again and to suffer so much is to save more lives, but not to destroy lives. You should not think too much and just make time to read the Dafa literature. All of the factors that prevent you from touching Dafa and being away from Dafa are demonic interference..." Her words made me ashamed, so I made up my mind to study Dafa diligently.
For the following several nights, my main consciousness had been fighting with a demon that seemed to be formed from my karma. It followed me everywhere I went like a shadow. Previously, I couldn't distinguish my own thoughts from its thoughts, but now I could. It was the demon that didn't want me to study the Fa. At first, I was afraid of it. Later, my strength matched it, and at last, I overcame it and it ran away. During this period of time, I also saw my Para consciousness. She looked like me, but more dignified. I complained to her, "Why didn't you watch over me carefully and remind me not to write the repentance statement?" She just smiled and didn't say anything. As I think of this now, it is really funny; Master has said in his Fa lecture that the paraconsciousness will be unable to help if the main consciousness is very strong.
The Xinxing tests followed. One day when I was waiting for a bus to go to work, I heard "Determined in eliminating karma and cultivating Xinxing" (one verse in Master's poem "Cause and Effect") echoed near my ears. I suddenly felt full of energy and had a vague premonition that there would be a Xinxing test. I encouraged myself to successfully pass any test. The next day, my mother (She was a very steadfast Dafa practitioner, but she had my repentance statement on her mind and she could not let it go.) and I had an argument over a trifle. She started to curse me vehemently. Although I had prepared for this in my mind, I still couldn't bear it. Our fight even became physical. Master had said in the Jinan (City) Fa lecture, "if it doesn't touch your heart, it cannot be counted. It is of no use and you couldn't improve from it..." I knew at that moment something was wrong, but I still couldn't control myself. It was a big demon breaking out.
Afterwards, I was extremely sad. Master had said in Zhuan Falun (Chapter 4), "Of course, you will not be informed of the tribulations or conflicts ahead of time. How can you practice cultivation if you are told everything in advance? They will also not be of any use. They will often occur suddenly so that they can test one's Xinxing." In fact, Master already warned me in advance, but I still didn't pass the test. I felt too ashamed to continue cultivating Dafa, so I sent my Dafa books away and gave up reading Dafa literature. I didn't keep in contact with that practitioner anymore. I felt I had let her down and that I was hopeless. I was in even more pain than before, and I remained in this depressed state for about half a month.
A couple of weeks later, that practitioner contacted me and asked if she could meet with me. I could not refuse her on the phone due to her enthusiasm, so we arranged a time. I considered telling her not to care about me any more and to stop contacting me. However, once we met, she immediately handed me Master's latest article: "Coercion cannot change people's hearts." I told her the whole story of how I didn't pass the test. After listening, she said, "Master gave you the hint before the conflict. It indicates that Master is still trying to save you. Although it's a pity that you didn't pass the test, it can't become an excuse for you not to study the Fa. It also indicates that you lack studying the Fa...Master even doesn't acknowledge the arrangements of the old forces, [so] how can you allow them to always manipulate you? You should break through your mind-barrier arranged by the old forces and study the Fa diligently. ..."
I read Master's article again and again. Suddenly, it lightened me up, and I finally realized the fundamental reasons why I couldn't pass the test. First, I felt guilty for straying from Dafa. My feeling of being unworthy of studying Dafa was also caused by the old force's manipulation, which prevented me from studying the Fa again. If I really stopped studying the Fa, I would be following their arrangement. I needed to break through it. Second, since I felt I was not qualified to be a Dafa practitioner, I didn't regard myself as a Dafa practitioner. How could I pass any test if I didn't consider myself a practitioner? After reflecting on this matter, my heart became strong and steadfast. Since then, I have maintained righteous thoughts, studied the Fa, and practiced the exercises. Now I'm a changed person.
2. The real mother expecting her child back; fighting with giant python to increase my righteous belief
At around 5am on April 24, 2001, I was about to get up to practice the exercises. Suddenly I saw a yellow, rotating spherical object coming toward me quickly. I thought it might come to destroy me, and I was willing to accept the punishment. In fact, deep in my mind, I still hadn't completely relinquished my dark past, or in other words, I was not quite steadfast to the Fa. When the object was moving closer and becoming bigger, I could clearly recognize it as a Falun [the law wheel] with the words "Truthfulness-Compassion-Tolerance" on it. It was the first time I saw a Falun since my mind returned to righteousness. I was nervous and excited. The object entered my body through the top of my head and flew out after making a circle inside. I was so moved that my main consciousness couldn't stop following the Falun and flying swiftly with it. I then realized that there were many small yellow Faluns around; they were turning and advancing together. I felt so happy that I raised my hands unconsciously to hold one in my palm in order to see it clearly. I was surprised that when I looked at my hands, they had changed from the demon claws that I had seen before; my hands had completely recovered. But they were smaller and more delicate than my flesh hands; they were like the hands of a five-year-old child. I immediately understood that it was Master who saved me and recreated me. Master has said in his lecture at the Great Lakes Conference in North America: "No beings could save today's people, that no Fa could save today's beings, and that no one could change today's people. What did I mean by that? I'll tell you. Today's people can't perceive their own warped thinking because the very nature of people has changed. No matter what cultivation way is adopted, you can only change what they can be aware of, but not the distortion of their very nature..." My change proves that Dafa can change everything that has been distorted.
I continued to follow the big, yellow Falun, which was moving quickly. Then it reached a quiet and clean place surrounded by bamboo woods, and it started to turn around in a big circle. I stood in front of a thatched cottage. A female voice that was loud and resonated with benevolence called my name and said, "My child, do not relax. Firmly grasp the time to validate Dafa. Firmly grasp the time to validate Dafa." Once her voice stopped, my main consciousness came back to our dimension immediately.
For several days, I was anxious as I thought of ways to validate Dafa better, and how to do it using my Buddha-nature. At about 4am on April 29, my main consciousness left my body again. I saw a giant python that was as high as a three-story building when it coiled itself. Many practitioners who had written repentance statements stood nearby; they were scared and confused. I thought I must eliminate the python, and that it would be helpful if I had knives. Suddenly, several sharp knives appeared beside me. I quickly picked them up and threw them at the python. Every knife I cast hit the target. The giant python turned toward me and attacked me wildly. It bit my knee. I jumped around and kept attacking it with sharp knives, stones, and anything else I could reach. Although it was injured severely, it still eyed me covetously as it was about to attack me. At that time, I thought it would be better if I had something to dissolve it. Suddenly, I saw a basket of medicinal powder, and I immediately threw packets of the powder on the python one after another. The powder finally dissolved the giant python. I felt very tired after that.
At that moment, I heard a kind voice near my ear. It called my name and asked, "Have you started to validate Dafa?" I was abashed and answered, "Not yet!" The voice asked me again, "Do you still have a guilty conscience toward Dafa? You don't need to keep such a feeling any more! Do what you should do!" Then the sound of a bell brought my main consciousness back to this dimension. I realized that I didn't use supernormal power to eliminate the giant python; instead, I used primitive tools like knives and stones. This was because I didn't practice the exercises enough and my Buddha-nature was not very strong. I deeply understood that for the practitioners who had gone astray, after returning to the path of cultivation, they must study the Fa diligently to strengthen their Buddha-nature, overcome the interference from thought karma, validate Dafa again, and never forget Master's words: The true meaning of our lives is to connect with the Fa-rectification.
On the same day, with Dafa truth-clarifying materials in my bag, I was ready to distribute them to passers-by. Whom should I choose? I noticed a middle-aged woman with a kind expression. I walked to her and said, "Please read these truth-clarifying materials of Falun Gong after going home. It is very meaningful to your life." I got to know that she used to be a Dafa practitioner. She was in a confused state and her understanding of the Fa was distorted. She said that a few veteran practitioners had led many practitioners in her area to the evil understanding of the Fa. I talked to her about why the repentance statement was an example of the evil understanding of the Fa. I was surprised that she quickly understood what I said and acted like a person who just woke up from a dream. She said that she was so lucky to meet me and thanked me sincerely. She left her contact information. I told her that it was Master who was doing everything.
The above stories come from my countless cultivation experiences. These true experiences enable me to feel the immeasurable benevolence of Master and the remarkable greatness and holiness of the Buddha Fa. I understand that I am still weak and not very strong. The purpose of writing down these experiences is to validate the Fa and to sincerely advise those practitioners who have not awaken from the evil understanding of the Fa that writing a repentance statement will cause demonic transformation. Please wake up! Study the Fa and cultivate Xinxing! Start cultivation again!
A Practitioner from China
May 1, 2001