Experience Sharing

Greetings Master Li. Greetings fellow practitioners. I am a practitioner from New York City.

Throughout my entire adult life, I have firmly held to the belief that one's true responsibility during this life is to seize the opportunity of having a human body to practice a spiritual discipline and cultivate one's own heart. When I first obtained the Fa in the summer of 1999, I was grateful to find the Dafa and dedicated my time and energy to cultivating my own heart and mind in Dafa.

Over the past year and a half, however, I have come to realize that to be a true Dafa disciple in the current process of Fa-rectification involves various aspects that go way beyond the cultivation of my own heart. This is a unique time in history and we are all involved with something that has never happened before in the history of heaven and earth. Therefore, I would like to relate some of the understandings I have come to during my cultivation.

Beginning with the New York Conference in September of last year, I began to become more aware that I did not have a good understanding of what it meant to be a Dafa disciple during the Fa-rectification period. That is to say, my primary focus was still on my own cultivation, and because of my many attachments much of my focus was also on my own personal interests. Around this time, I continued to participate in many of the Dafa activities because I understood that to promote Dafa and clarify the truth about Dafa was extremely important. However, I continually found myself participating out of a human sense of duty or obligation. That is, my participation often did not stem from my own heart. Consequently, I would frequently find myself falling short and/or being ineffective in my actions.

I would go in and out of this state off and on for a number of months. Sometimes I would reach certain understandings and do well, and other times I would fail to understand and not do so well. Still, my fundamental viewpoint of Dafa and cultivation remained focused on myself. The question in my mind continued to be, "was I doing well? Am I doing good work for Dafa?"

Then in December, Master gave a lecture at the Great Lakes conference, in which he said:

"In the past, in whatever we were doing you would think: "How can I study the Fa well? How should I work for Dafa? How can I improve myself? How I can do better?" You always felt that you were learning Dafa, rather than that you were a part of Dafa. After this year I find that you've completely changed. You no longer think as you used to. No matter what you do for Dafa and no matter what it is you're doing, you are placing yourselves in Dafa and not thinking about "I want to do something for Dafa" or "I want to improve myself in this way or that way" as you did before. No matter what you do, you aren't thinking that you're doing something for Dafa, about how you should do things for Dafa, or "how can I do things well for this Fa." Instead, you are placing yourselves within Dafa. Like a particle of Dafa, [you feel that] no matter what it is, you should just do it. Even though you aren't conscious of it or aren't expressing it clearly in words, that is in fact how your actions already are. This is the biggest change I see in you after this year. In other words, you are completely in the Fa already. This is most apparent in the conduct of veteran students, in particular. Before it could be said that you were a student. Lately, I often use "disciples" instead of "students.""

Upon reading this lecture, there was one clear and distinct feeling in my heart...guilt. It was clear to me that I was still very much a "student" and not a "disciple." I was not a true particle of Dafa because the fundamental perspective from which I viewed the universe was still focused around myself. It was not from the perspective of Dafa. I was aware of this fundamental shortcoming, but I couldn't quite see how to rectify the problem. It was quite frustrating.

At the time, I was in Taiwan attending the Experience-sharing conference. Among other things, the Taiwan conference served as a much-needed break from the schedule I had been keeping in the month or two leading up to the conference. In that time I had become very busy with Dafa activities. So busy in fact, that I would often go days without doing the exercises. While I continued to be strict with reading, making sure that I read every night, I had allowed my exercise schedule to slack off so much that I did not bring a righteous heart to my reading. On many evenings, I was so focused on the work we were doing for Dafa that I would find that, while reading the book, my mind would wander all over the place and not pay attention to what my eyes were reading. In Towards Consummation, Master wrote: "Even now some people still can't concentrate on reading the books. Those of you who do work for Dafa, especially, shouldn't use any pretexts to conceal the fact that you don't read the books or study the Fa. Even if you do work for me, your Master, you still need to study the Fa every day with a calm mind and cultivate yourself solidly. When your mind wanders all over the place as you read, the countless Buddhas, Taos, and Gods in the book see your laughable and pitiable mind, and can tell that the karma in your thoughts is controlling you, which is detestable."

During this time, the work I did for Dafa also became much less effective and much more difficult to accomplish. On one occasion, I remember sitting in front of the computer working on a Dafa publication. Every piece of the publication seemed to be so difficult. I couldn't think straight and had great difficulty deciding what to include, what to remove and how to arrange things. Every little act seemed to be very difficult. My immediate reaction was to question whether or not I was getting enough sleep, etc. I was looking externally for reasons and, of course, failed to find any solutions. Another thing I noticed was that my attachments seemed to become stronger and more prevalent in my life. I would find myself easily becoming jealous of other practitioners or even making negative statements about others. My XinXing had indeed dropped a good deal. Coming back from Taiwan, however, I carried with me one clear lesson, which is "the mind must be righteous." In Master's article "Towards Consummation" he says, "The only way to prevent the old, evil forces from taking advantage of the gaps in your mind is to make good use of your time to study the Fa." I understood coming home on the plane that only with a righteous mind can work for Dafa be done properly, and only by diligently studying the Fa and diligently practicing could I remain in the Fa with a righteous mind. Upon my return, I resolved myself to re-double my efforts to diligently read and practice the exercises. Incidentally, the morning after I returned to New York from the tropical Island of Taiwan, the overnight low was approximately 10 degrees Fahrenheit. Still, the next morning I got up, bundled up in my winter clothes, walked down to the pier on the Hudson river and practiced for two hours. The next morning, I did it again. I also paid close attention to my reading, making sure to read calmly each night regardless of how much other Dafa work was needed to be done. Because of this, things improved a great deal. Deep down, however, I could still detect a fundamental problem with my perspective of cultivation in Dafa, and this problem continued to surface in my life as attachments, difficulty in working for Dafa as well as inability to see what is needed for Dafa rectification in various situations. As before, I could recognize this problem in my perspective, but failed to understand how to correct it.

Luckily, I live in New York and there are many other practitioners around me to share experiences with and to encourage me. Two days before the Hong Kong conference was to start, a group of us decided to buy tickets and go. We put everything else on hold and flew to Hong Kong. During our last night in Hong Kong, I was at the house of one of the Hong Kong assistants. We were saying good night on our way out the door, and we also congratulated one of the Hong Kong assistants for the hard work he put in to making the conference possible. He responded by saying that many others also contributed to the effort and, of course, we should also thank our Master who made the whole thing possible. When he said this, I was a bit shocked. Shocked because it never even occurred to me to thank Master for the conference. I was again being shown how my perspective on Dafa, Master and cultivation within Dafa was extremely limited. Something was still holding me back. It was very frustrating because while I knew I was being held back from placing myself in Dafa and having a truly righteous mind, I could not see what it was.

On the way back from Hong Kong, we had a layover in the Tokyo airport. About 15 practitioners who were all traveling together stopped to do exercise 5 at our gate. During this meditation, I began to see all the problems that had surfaced in my life over the last few months very clearly as specific attachments, such as jealousy and the competitive mentality. I could clearly see instance after instance of these attachments surfacing in my day-to-day activities. I was very thankful for being able to see a new level of attachments because at that moment I clearly understood that these were post-natal conceptions and not my true self. With this realization, these attachments...at whatever level I was seeing them...no longer held me. That is to say, I could see them as something separate and distinct from myself, and therefore, easily just let them slide away. What was left in my heart upon their departure was a tremendous sense of peace and calm. I sat peacefully in the fifth exercise for the remainder of the practice.

Afterwards I opened my eyes and smiled. I had almost forgotten how happy and free I feel upon recognizing an additional layer of attachments and separating myself from them. In the days that followed, I would continually see aspects of these attachments attempting to arise in my heart. For example, on one occasion I was discussing various Dafa activities with fellow practitioners. One practitioner began talking about something that a group of other practitioners were doing that was very good, and then suddenly I would notice something in me...very subtle, but still present. A tightening of the stomach or my smile would slightly fade, and I knew it was the attachment of jealousy attempting to arise within me. But now, I could see it clearly and I knew it was not me. I looked at the attachment, smiled and calmly said in my mind, "no more. I can see you and you longer have an affect on me." With that, the attachment evaporated and I happily continued the discussion with my fellow practitioners.

What truly amazed me after discovering this additional layer of attachments, however, is that my fundamental view of Dafa has changed, enabling me to take further steps forward in rectifying the Dafa. For example, while I had always been willing and happy to pass out flyers and materials to people during large Dafa events such as parades and public exercise demonstrations, it was never something that I was naturally drawn to and it was something that I would never do if by myself. However, upon returning from Hong Kong, a wish has naturally emerged within me to take every opportunity to let more people know about Dafa. Consequently, everyday on my way home from work I now take a stack of Dafa newspapers and other materials and hand them out to people who are waiting in the subway stations. For the first time in my cultivation, I do this not because I feel a sense of duty or obligation or even out of some momentary inspiration to tell others about Dafa, but rather, it is a natural wish that comes from my own heart. I knew it was in there all along, but could never get in touch with it. After seeing and removing the additional layers of attachments in the Tokyo airport, however, such wishes to assist in the Fa rectification as well as righteous and beautiful thoughts about Master and Dafa have naturally emerged within me. In summary, it was my own attachments that inhibited me from rectifying the Fa and "assisting the Teacher in the human world." Having recognized and given these attachments up, almost automatically I have been placed in the Fa more than I ever have, and I find that the question of "how should I help rectify the Fa?" no longer exists. The wish to tell others about Dafa and the truth of what is happening in China just naturally arises within me and what is more, I feel more happy and free in this state than I ever have.

As practitioners, we might ask ourselves why have we obtained the Fa in this special period when Maser is teaching the righteous Fa for the last time in the Dharma Ending Period and on a level at which it has never been taught before in the history of heaven and earth? I believe the answer lies in a sacred duty we each have...one that arises not so much from a sense of duty as commonly understood by humans, but more out of an inherent wish deep in our own hearts to "assist Master in the human world." Not because we have to, not because it is some sort of obligation, but because it is who we are. That is to say, I believe that to not participate in the rectification of the Fa is to go against our own very nature. I believe this because when I was battling with my attachments over the last several months, I found that I had trouble helping with the rectification of the Fa and at the same time, I was often not very happy. Yet, upon removing many of these attachments, I find that I am happier and feel more free than I ever have, and at the same time, I find myself naturally rectifying the Fa in various ways.

I have often heard non-Mountain Climbers ask Mountain Climbers, "why do you climb mountains?" After all, it is dangerous. There is nothing tangible that one gets upon reaching the top. People just climb to the top, go back down and then do it again another day. Why? My understanding is that they do it because it is who they are, and although they may have families they love, a career they enjoy and other hobbies that keep them busy, they are only truly happy when they are climbing mountains. It is just who they are. That's the only way to describe it in human words. I believe the same is true for Falun Dafa practitioners and the process of Fa rectification. When we remove attachments and get more in touch with who we really are, we will find that our true selves emerge as particles of Dafa, naturally assisting in rectifying Dafa and in that process becoming more happy and free than ever before.

In conclusion, I would like to share a story I heard from a practitioner while I was in Taiwan. I was sharing experiences with practitioners in Taiwan during the Taiwan conference. A practitioner told me a story she had recently heard from China. I don't know where this story came from nor if I have all the details, but it did make a very important impression in my heart. Some practitioners in China were climbing a mountain road. They were on their way to Hong Fa to people further up on the mountain. Soon they came across an old woman. The woman was clearly a spiritual practitioner judging from her clothes. I guess she was wearing robes of something like that. These practitioners approached the woman, and while showing Master's photo to her, began to tell the woman about their "Teacher." The woman immediately bowed very respectfully before the photo of Master and then became very angry with the practitioners, saying something like, "How dare you call such a great being your Teacher!?!?!? This is a great god. How dare you address him so casually!" To what extent this story is true and exactly what the woman's words were, I do not know. However, this story makes a point and has engrained itself in my heart: Master Li and this Fa is something sacred and profound beyond anything we can imagine, so why have we obtained the Fa? What makes us worthy of even hearing about something so sacred? My understanding is that, while we cannot completely understand all of who Master is and how profound this Dafa is, we are all here and have obtained this Fa because it is just who we are. We are particles of the sacred Fa and as such we should at every moment see things from the perspective of the Fa and "assist Teacher in the Human World." Yes, we all have Karma that we must eliminate. Yes, we all have attachments that we must abandon. Yes, we all must do everything we can to cultivate our own hearts and minds, constantly reading the Fa to guide our cultivation, but we are all particles of the Fa and to participate in the rectification of the Fa is one and the same as rectifying our own hearts. These are just my understandings. Thank you!