The Ins and Outs of My Decision - Whether to Go Beijing or Not

I am a practitioner living in Australia. Recently many Australian practitioners were thinking about whether they should go to Beijing or not. I myself went through this process too. I would like to share my experience with everybody, and please do not hesitate to point out any inappropriate point.

It was the beginning of October when I read an article on the Internet titled "Let the side that has attained Falun Dafa dominate you." The article mentioned the state of those practitioners who fail to be enlightened to step in an upright and dignified manner, which was very encouraging. I felt my blood boiling after reading it and thought of going to Beijing at that moment. I believed that going to Beijing was the best way to safeguard Falun Dafa. However, I reconsidered my situation. I have two young daughters, one is only one year and the other is under four. It would be really troublesome if I brought them with me to Beijing, I could not take care of them there, let alone preparing naps and food. If I left them with my husband, his job would be affected and of course he would object to it. So after communicating with my friend, I gave up the plan temporarily.

One day, one of my relatives in Mainland China who was also a practitioner called me and said all the passage of information had been blocked. He desperately wanted to know information about Falun Dafa practitioners. Since I didn't have a fax machine, I called my friend to deliver some of the latest news for him, some of which were experience sharing. He felt it was great and made a lot of copies for distribution in his area. Some of them got to know the truth with the help of the articles and stepped out to safeguard the great law aboveboard, and some of those practitioners who had already intended to give up the practice came back again. I thought that maybe I should buy a computer or fax machine to help practitioners in China to know the truth, which was what they needed the most at that time. I had been thinking of doing something to safeguard Falun Dafa. Actually, our teacher had seen through my heart and he arranged everything for me so that no trouble would be made to my family and my children wouldn't have to run back and forth with me. But I failed to be enlightened to it at that time. I did not grab the opportunity clearly. Being unable to go to Beijing was just like a shadow of guilt following me. I had a feeling that those people who went to Beijing were the most extraordinary. They could let go of fame, personal interest and affection. How great it was! I wondered whether the real reason for being unable to go was because I didn't let go of my attachments completely.

The thought kept on my mind for a while, till one day, a veteran practitioner called me that they were going to Beijing. Some of them gave up their jobs, and some others, even their families. They were going to Beijing to safeguard Falun Dafa no matter how difficult it would be. And I was told it was going to be the last chance. No more chances would be available for consummation like this. They told me not to hesitate and lose this opportunity. They encouraged me at that time. I was not willing to miss the last chance to complete my cultivation. I told them to reserve me an air ticket without thinking further.

However, I thought it over after I cooled down: there was something wrong. It seemed my motivation for going to Beijing was being fanned by others and just for that last chance of gaining perfection. Was cultivation meant to have such an intention as to go to Beijing? How could I complete my cultivation like that? What paradise would accept me? Due to this thought, I called them to withhold booking my ticket. I would buy the ticket on my own after I really understood why I should do it. I needed to adjust my ongoing mentality. I asked myself what caused me to fail to go to Beijing. Isn't the fear of getting my family and myself into trouble? Was the mentality of affection on my husband and my children still along with me? I often heard about stories of other practitioners letting go of everything for practicing cultivation of Falun Dafa. Their realms of mentality were superbly high. Should I disregard my husband's objection and the feelings of my children? Just go to Beijing for Falun Dafa, no matter what happens? It seemed it was the most difficult and hardest thing to me, but isn't it the best way to gain mighty virtue for my cultivation?

After pondering for a whole day and night, I decided to leave my children with my mother-in-law. She could take care of only one child because her health condition was not good, so I would take my older daughter with me. I was going to leave a note to my husband before departing. I thought I must go to Beijing for Falun Dafa and for to let go of my attachments. I called my friend after I made up my mind. She, just like me, went through such a painful process of giving up attachments. She even cried, holding her daughter in her arms. We two planned to book tickets back to China that Saturday. Because I thought at that time: What was it that I was unable to give up for Falun Dafa?

Fortunately, we had group study that Friday night. After reading the emergency notice from Falun Buddha Society and open-heartedly communicating with some practitioners, I cooled down all at once. I needed to reconsider it. I opened up Falun Dafa Lecture at the Conference in Switzerland and read it carefully. I found many statements of Master Li's that answered my questions. It shed a light upon me. I understood that I had done something wrong. The decision I made was for personal purpose. In summary, I would like to share with you the following points (for your reference only):

1. We should deal with everything with a calm and reasonable mind. Don't be uneasy or let your blood boil. Even if the information comes from a practitioner who has practiced for a relatively longer period or one who has shown a higher level in practice, we should never be too emotional or too excited about some issues, because practicing cultivation is a personal business and a serious issue. If we were easy to be fanned up by another's point of view, then probably someday if a deity tells us something new we would definitely follow him. One should control himself at this critical time, and be responsible for his cultivation. Master Li states that one will show demonic nature when one is in a state of losing control of temper, being irrational and violent, and one will show Buddha-nature when he is in the state of rational, kindness and benevolence. One could be easily used by demons if he loses his rationale, even if he is making efforts for Falun Dafa.

2. Cultivating xinxing and giving up all bad thoughts are the keys for a practitioner. It is not just to release something bad on the surface and to show others that one has given up all bad thoughts. I did not have a deep understanding on the statement of "Cultivation needs action". I thought superficial action was enough. In fact, Master Li says that one should do it with heart and soul. Master does not stress on forms but one's heart. Master Li states in the book "Even if you give up all the material interests, but you cannot let them go in your heart, that is, you abolish them reluctantly, hold on to it, and even think of them very often, then your cultivation is affected as a result. I would say that you had not given up at all. You are only forced to do so. So taking lightly the superficial materials is merely a formality. In my opinion, the true way that one can upgrade his cultivation level is the change of one's mind. Only when one's Xinxing (Mind nature and moral quality) and his realm of mentality have met the criteria has he genuinely improved himself." Everything happening around practitioners is designed to improve our xinxing, including whether to take a trip to Beijing. A trip to Beijing would be of no value at all if it doesn't achieve the goal of upgrading xinxing, although one gives up business, job, and family. On the other hand, it is a great accomplishment if I give up the attachment of affection, even without going to Beijing, after a long painful consideration. The Teacher states "A person with good inborn quality achieves his consummation upon his comprehension."

3. Master Li arranges the course of one's cultivation, not by the practitioner himself. One should not intentionally look for a hardship to endure. We should not pursue to accomplish well known matters but ignore small ones. It is necessarily untrue that the more one has done and the more hardship one endured, the better he cultivates. Also, one should not force him to do something beyond his capabilities and level. As to me, to transmit messages from overseas to mainland practitioners and do everything according to the Falun Dafa's requirement in my place is much better than to go to Beijing. Master says: "In order to reach the level of Buddha you need to have a cultivation process and a solid foundation of thought. That is to say, you continue your cultivation practice, go forward further and further, and improve your xinxing more and more. This is a step by step process. The achievement is fulfilled gradually." Forcing oneself to do something will attain nothing. Otherwise it is as good as spoiling things by excessive enthusiasm, and a strong desire may result in fruitless consequence. Without a real improvement in xinxing, I would not attain perfection in my cultivation, even if I went to Beijing over and over again. A good practitioner could cultivate to a high level in any environment. The key point is not the place where you are, but the level of your xinxing. Master will make a good arrangement for every practitioner if one can begin doing something around him and within his capability. My personal understanding is: It is the duty for every practitioner to stand up to safeguard Falun Dafa, but that doesn't mean that every practitioner has to step out of Australia, and go to Beijing.

4. When we do something good for Falun Dafa, we should not do it on a basis of "Being deeply grateful" to Master Li like ordinary people. It seems that the work is done for the Master and to show how much we have done and how much hardship we have borne. "Don't judge Buddha's thought by the way of ordinary people's." Master Li would like to see us genuinely improve and succeed in cultivation. My understanding is that what we are doing is not to prove what we have done, but to improve our xinxing.

5. "Follow the law as our teacher." No matter how impressed the words you hear and how excited you get from the articles you read, everything should be measured with the principle of Falun Dafa and judged by the criteria of "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance". You can accept them after filtering and treat them as a reference. Master Li keeps telling us the importance of reading his works. What I have experienced this time confirms this point. It is Master Li's works that made me understand all these matters. So we should spend more time on reading.

6. When looking superficially, it seems that we can do nothing for the great cosmic changes on the whole. In fact, it is, on the contrary, a best environment arranged for practitioners to improve them. When an incidence against Falun Dafa takes place, as Master Li says: "I will treat it as a real demon, but you can not. Anything you come across is related to your cultivation. So all of you should consider it as cultivation. You should look inside yourselves. Your cases are different from mine..." He also points out: "We should conduct our behavior with the side of kindness that we have." We should always be "a nice person" in any place, at home and in the society. It is an irrational excuse to forget about the commitment to being a good person, because of doing work for Falun Dafa.

The above comment is made only from a perspective of an overseas practitioner. It is my understanding toward the tendency of "Going to Beijing is the best way to safeguard Falun Dafa". What I just said may be unsuitable for the practitioners in Mainland China. I also need to point out that this sharing of mine does not intend to oppose any overseas practitioner to return to China. You may go ahead and do so if you think it is the best way for you to safeguard Falun Dafa, or you want to know what practitioners in China need the most and do something for them or try to communicate with them, etc. However, if you do have difficulties returning to China or something in your mind can not be given up and there is a better way for you to safeguard Falun Dafa right here. You don't have to push yourself to go or feel guilty. Because Master Li said "Don't consider your attachment as demonic interference, when you have a strong feeling achieving a goal in vain." This is because "A Great Way is formless," and the Teacher only values our hearts.

(Translated Apr. 6, 2000)