Don't Forget to Improve Yourself While Validating the Fa
I began to practice Falun Dafa several months before the CCP launched the persecution. For over ten years, Teacher has always guarded me and guided me on my way; I can't tell you how wonderful that feels. At that time, when I shared with fellow practitioners, I often said, "Teacher shows me mercy ten thousand times a day." Fellow practitioners all admired me, and I felt good. Therefore, I never neglect my Fa-rectification work, and I go out on my own at night to distribute truth-clarification materials.
In 2002 and 2003, the persecution was especially virulent. I did not have a deep understanding of the Fa then--I knew only that I was right to learn Dafa. I knew that I should not listen to the government slander and that I must withstand the tremendous pressure. I did not know how to effectively stop such distortion of the facts. I felt there was no place to express my feelings, so I bought paint and a paintbrush to write on the walls in every village. Later fellow practitioners saw I had righteous thoughts and they gave me materials to distribute. I was aware of what a big responsibility this was, so I never refused. There were times when I went out to distribute materials after dinner and did not return until as late as 3 or 4 a.m. I did not hesitate to go to villages where I had never been. Once I even went out on a snowy day. Sometimes I visited as many as seven villages on my bike by myself at night, not stopping until I had distributed all the materials. Sometimes, even though I was not righteous enough, Teacher still safeguarded me, so things went well every time.
One day last year, after returning with materials, I talked with a fellow practitioner about how to distribute them. She said there were streetlights in several villages, and it would be too difficult for her to distribute materials there, so I suggested that she go to other villages and I would go to the villages with the streetlights. I became impatient with her when she said, "I do not want to go to this village because there are too many dogs." In an unkind tone I said, "Then you pick where you want to go and I will go to the rest of the villages." She then chose several villages and left.
She said to me the next day, "Alas, the villages I went to last night also had streetlights. I did not have many materials but I went to several villages to give them all out. It seems that, although I picked several villages, it just did not go smoothly." It was funny that, when I went to the villages that she did not cover, there were streetlights but nobody was on the streets. It was as if they all awaited my materials at their homes; it was indeed mysterious. From this incident I realized that in Fa-rectification, if a practitioner's attitude is not right or is selfish, they won't achieve what they seek to achieve. In turn, Teacher takes care of us. That is, Teacher makes such arrangements to let us enlighten, to show us the need to remove such an attachment.
The most difficult are xinxing tests. Actually, to regard them as "tests" shows one's enlightenment quality is already poor. Anyway, I enlightened to it at last and no longer wasted Teacher's care. This happened several years ago, but I still remember it clearly. During that time my nephew worked in the city. His home was far from the city while my home was close, so he visited me on his way home. Sometimes when he was off duty for several days, he stayed with me. After a while, I began to tire of this. I am his aunt and he regarded my home as his home. He went out during the day after eating, then he watched TV after dinner until midnight, and he did not get up until very late in the morning.
At that time I was looking outward and I did not see my attachment. I constantly felt displeased with him. I could see nothing good in him, I only saw his shortcomings. During a time that he lived at my place for several days, I left my room and saw him lying down on the sofa watching TV, looking quite comfortable. I became angry. I thought, "I feed him all day long, and he just ignores me, acting like a king on his throne. It is so annoying!" While I was doing housework, I was thinking about how to tell him to turn off the TV and not disturb my sleeping. Actually even if he wasn't watching TV, regardless of what he was doing, I was still displeased with him and I felt that he made so much trouble for me.
I had bad feelings in my heart and my words were naturally unpleasant. I said, "It is already 11. Do not watch anymore." He answered with resistance without even looking at me; he simply did not treat me seriously. I was already so angry, I wanted to ask him to leave immediately. At that time I only thought I was right and it did not even cross my mind that it was jealousy. The more I was attached to it, the angrier I became. I even thought, "I wish he would just die. He is such a waste of a life." It was only after this horrible thought that I awakened: I am a Falun Gong practitioner. I should be compassionate to others and consider others first. Why did I wish he would die? Not only is it incompatible with the standards of the practice, it is completely the opposite. What's going on? I thought it over and suddenly realized I was showing this opposite way to others. Isn't this the communist way of thinking? I can't think like this and I can't be a practitioner like this. With this thought, I suddenly felt my body become so light, as if I was finally relieved of a heavy load. I was full of mercy and compassion and I was happy. The way I felt is beyond what I can express in words. My nephew was still watching TV, looking quite content but I did not mind. I simply asked if his job was wearing him out. If it was too taxing, I could find him a job as a hairdresser so he could learn a skill and be relaxed. His manner changed all of a sudden. Immediately he sat up to talk to me and became gentle, as if he were another person. I have known him for so many years, but this was the first time I had ever seen him act in such a manner.
Writing now, I recall Teacher's Fa in Zhuan Falun:
"regard their suffering in life as being unfair."
Yes, you will be bitter if you hold onto the attachment and only pursue easiness and comfort. After you let go of the attachment, you can calmly deal with all things in life and you will no longer feel bitterness. I should enlighten more carefully on what Teacher said in Hong Yin: "Let joy be found in hardship."
Soon after I passed this test, my nephew stopped working in the city and since then no longer comes to stay with me. I have not seen him for nearly a year now. This possibly happened to target my attachment, let me see my problem, and find the attachment to be removed.
Teacher also said,
"From the day that a Dafa disciple takes up cultivation his whole life is rearranged. In other words, this life of yours is now the life of a cultivator. Nothing is by chance anymore, and nothing will happen just by chance. Everything on your life's journey is directly related to your improvement and cultivation." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles")
I practice with my celestial eye closed so I am unable to see things in other dimensions; however, I completely enlightened to Teacher's words from such a small experience.
Two years ago, a practitioner in my village died as a result of the persecution. After that we had to get materials from the county 20 miles away. I started to think about making the materials myself and asked a practitioner in that county to help. She said, "This is very serious, so I will have to discuss it with the other practitioners." A week later, when I went to pick up copies of "Minghui Weekly," I asked about their decision and a fellow practitioner smiled and told me it was okay. Several days later, a heavy snowfall blocked the road. I was worried because fellow practitioners need to read the current edition of Minghui Weekly. Small things in Dafa are big things and fellow practitioners need to improve as one body, so I had to do it. At 10 a.m., I pushed my motorbike to the front door, but I could not start the engine. I realized I should not ride the motorbike so I went on my bicycle. Forty minutes later I arrived at the practitioner's home and told him I had come to transport the equipment. He lent me his tricycle. We went to the shop to purchase equipment, paper, and ink. He then accompanied me to the major road on the edge of the county. That morning there had been heavy fog on the small roads in my village. I suddenly realized why the motorbike would not start: in such weather, there is no telling how many times I would have fallen from the motorbike, not to mention that it would not have been possible for me to ride with all the things I had in the tricycle. The snow melted at noon and then froze to ice when the sun went down. The road was like a skating rink. I thank Teacher for protecting me.
These are some of my experiences in my practice. Please correct me if there are any mistakes.