Cultivating Away Fear and Suspicion from Deep Inside
Over eleven years of Dafa cultivation, my most difficult attachments to eliminate were fear and suspicion. Before I began practicing Falun Dafa, I was an extremely timid person. If someone hurt me, I would never yell. My health was poor. I was to the point where I was afraid of interacting with people in general.
Master allowed me the opportunity to discover Dafa in my most miserable and hopeless stage. Over the last eleven years, I have never dared to slack off. I've always tried my best to eliminate all types of attachments, but the attachments to fear and suspicion continued interfering with my life.
Before the Olympic Games, I was attached to the prophetic sayings as I clarified the truth. Those stories indicated that certain things would happen during the Olympic Games. After the Games, people blamed me for providing wrong information. A few days later, several CCP officials knocked on my door, twice. (I have been persecuted many times in the past.) Even though my righteous thoughts were strong and I refused to open the door, my heart was beating faster and faster, my arms and legs were weak and shaky, and my voice was quivering. As I was sending forth righteous thoughts, my hands shook. The CCP officials pressured the landlord and forced me to move out. Due to my fear, I did not clarify the truth to the landlord. When I was moving, I noticed that the CCP officials followed me, and my fear resurfaced. I constantly studied the Fa, my righteous thoughts became firm, but I still was afraid of being followed.
Before the CCP conference, I continued doing things to rectify the Fa. I unwittingly noticed that I was being followed by more than one person. I went out several times, and they followed in close proximity, but due to my fear, I didn't confront them. During the process, I wisely hinted to fellow practitioners that I was being followed, and cut down on my contact with fellow practitioners. Since I had not completely eliminated the fear, they attempted to pressure the landlord to force me out again. I notified fellow practitioners to send forth righteous thoughts, and I went to see the landlord with righteous thoughts. I told her about my experiences and talked about the concept that there is justice in this world. These stories reinforced the notion that "kind deeds are met with good rewards and that evil acts are met with tribulations." The landlord no longer asked me to move out.
After the event, and whenever I walked on the street, I felt as if someone was staring at me. I was nervous and upset. No, I thought to myself, I should not be this way. I began learning Hong Yin and Lunyu by heart. When I walked on the street the first time and recited Lunyu, I felt that my body was surrounded by warm energy, and had not an ounce of fear. The comfortable feeling was beyond description. Just like that, I gradually let go of the fear and suspicion. When they later resurfaced, as soon as I began to recite the Fa, both disappeared.
During the entire process, I could feel Master's constant encouragement and protection. One night my primordial spirit came out and followed Master. I witnessed how busy, and how difficult and how much Master has endured for all sentient beings. Master is great and magnificent. Master encouraged me through one miracle. My watch stopped working months ago when the battery ran down, but it began to work again. It was almost as if it had recharged itself. It heralded a brand new start.