(Clearwisdom.net) Before the onset of the persecution in July 1999, I had already memorized five Dafa books (Zhuan Falun, Zhuan Falun II, Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa, Falun Dafa Essentials For Further Advancement, and Hong Yin) and all the articles Master had written up to that point. I could recite the Fa fluently, even faster than reading from the books and was in a great Fa -study state. I often sat down for two to three hours to memorize the Fa. Sometimes when I was acutely focused, it felt like my body no longer existed, and as if a giant energy field covered me. I also felt a shock wave going through my body when I suddenly got an insight into specific Fa principles.
Memorization of the Fa helped me to overcome and pass certain tests. After the persecution began I went to Beijing to appeal and was detained for over 40 days. I "studied" the Fa from memory every day, three lectures of Zhuan Falun daily. In between each lecture I recited Master's articles. I recited Zhuan Falun about a dozen times during those 40 plus days. One time the guards put me in an empty room without chairs or bed. That was late autumn 2000, and it was very cold. Some food and water were on the windowsill. I refused to eat or drink, to protest the detention. I recited the Fa day and night. If I was too sleepy, I would doze off for a little while. When I opened my eyes again I resumed reciting and could recite the whole book of Zhuan Falun in one day and one night. I was on a hunger strike for five days and I recited Zhuan Falun five times. I didn't eat or drink anything during the five days, yet I wasn't hungry at all. I was clearheaded and in good spirits. My memorization of the Fa helped me overcome this ordeal.
Even though I was able to memorize many Dafa books, I was not too well aware of actual cultivation and wasn't sure how to guide myself with Fa principles; thus, my xinxing improved slowly. Moreover, my Fa-memorization reasons were not righteous enough, which also hindered my improvement. I summarize the following areas where I needed to do better.
(1) I had a strong attachment to seek knowledge and profound Fa principles when studying the Fa. I was obsessed with enlightening to higher Fa principles, yet neglected xinxing improvement. When I could comprehend certain Fa principles I was ecstatic and failed to work hard to raise my xinxing level.
(2) My showoff mentality during group Fa study often reared its ugly head. I couldn't help but demonstrate how well I had studied the Fa and how fluently I could recite the Fa. Because I memorized the Fa for the purpose of memorizing the Fa, of course, the outcome could not be good.
(3) I tended to regard the Fa as a school of thought, so I separated Fa study from cultivation. When faced with conflicts I didn't know to use the Fa to measure the situation, but rather gauged things with human notions. Oftentimes Master had given me clear hints, but I failed to acknowledge them, thinking my circumstance wasn't exactly the same as described in Dafa books, and so I shouldn't be subjected to relevant Fa principles.
(4) I wasn't aware of the higher requirements the Fa had for me as I went on with my cultivation; thus, I failed to act accordingly.
(5) I did very poorly in respecting Master and the Fa. During Fa study I often curled up in a chair or even put my legs on the desk to be more comfortable.
(6) Sometimes I knew there were inaccurate moments during my memorization of the Fa, yet I was too lazy to correct my mistakes. This meant I often missed words or said wrong words during my Fa recitations. These places were in fact where I needed improvement, yet I let them slip easily. So, even though I memorized a lot of Fa, I still didn't do well in cultivation and I still harbored many attachments, which led me to stumble in my cultivation. I only knew of the importance of raising my xinxing, but didn't really understand how. I remember the most difficult section for me during my memorization was "Enlightenment." I was able to recite the section for a while, but soon I forgot some of it and had to memorize it again more than a dozen times. Master was in fact giving me hints to me to improve my enlightenment, yet I couldn't realize it.
Because of my not-so-solid xinxing I failed to strive diligently forward and encountered much interference, making me depressed and lose self-confidence. Other practitioners were anxious seeing my cultivation state and they helped me time and again.
I have now realized the seriousness of cultivation and do not dare to slack off a bit. Every time I encounter problems I measure myself against the Fa. Whatever the Fa requires of me, I do my best. I have come to experience the power of Fa. As long as I change my notions and improve my understanding and xinxing, the power of Fa will manifest itself. At present, whenever I study the Fa, I make sure I have a righteous attitude first. I let go of all my human notions and assimilate myself into the Fa. I believe in everything Master says and no longer doubt any Fa principles. I also take the initiative to do various truth-clarification activities.
I also began to memorize Dafa books for a second time. I was able to recite all the books except Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa. I now recite one lecture of Zhuan Falun every day. I go paragraph by paragraph. After I memorize several paragraphs, I go back to the book to correct any mistakes I've made. Then I go on to the next paragraph. This way I study each lecture of Zhuan Falun twice- once by memorizing, and the other by reading. The rest of the day I read Master's articles. Every night I send righteous thoughts at midnight. I found the result was very good when I read Master's articles after memorizing Zhuan Falun. My mind was clear, without any interference. Truth-clarification activities take much time now, but I still wanted to memorize some of Master's articles written since the onset of the persecution.
At present, whenever I encounter difficulties I work harder to study or memorize the Fa, to dispel interference. It is very hard to try to calm down to study the Fa at that moment, but I often try my best, and soon I am able to recite the Fa with a calm mind.
