I Worked Through Domestic Tribulations by Looking Inward
(Clearwisdom.net) During my ten years of cultivation, I have gone through many tribulations and fallen beneath the standards of a cultivator many times. I would like to share my experience of working through domestic tribulations.
My husband has been the biggest obstacle on my path of cultivation. He was a very irritable, domineering person. From the very beginning, because of our incompatibility, we found ourselves frequently in conflict, and were on the verge of divorce. After I began to practice Falun Dafa, I learned many principles from Dafa and saw the genuine meaning of life. I also understood that everything is based on a predestined relationship. Therefore, I began to live my life by following the Fa principles, and my family life became harmonious.
When the CCP began to persecute Falun Gong on July 20, 1999, I had practiced for less than one year. Because of the CCP's effect on people and the fear that many people experienced from such movements launched by the CCP, a lot of people's first reaction was to protect themselves. My husband was no exception. With increasing pressure from the CCP, he increased his pressure on me about Falun Gong. When the CCP's agents stopped by, he would punch and kick me if I refused to sign the guarantee statement to give up Falun Gong. He beat me this way three or four times. Prior to my practicing Falun Gong, he never beat me, no matter how upset he was.
Gradually, he realized that beating me did not work. In the past, no matter how we quarreled with each other, he never apologized to me or softened his words, but now he began to use other means, such as crying bitterly and showering me with kind words. I finally compromised, and later I regretted my decision and realized that I had fallen down during this test. Just as Teacher said, "If you can't pass the first test, then the second one is going to be really tough." (Zhuan Falun). After that, he monitored me more closely and prohibited me from studying the Fa or contacting fellow practitioners. I was depressed for a long time. I thought that I was not qualified to be Teacher's disciple and that I had failed to live up to Teacher's compassion.
Later, with gentle hints from Teacher and with fellow practitioners' help, I began to secretly study the Fa. However, I did not dare to let my husband know. One time, he found out that I was studying the Fa, and he grabbed the book and tore it apart. I cried a lot and argued with him. He said that whenever he saw me reading Dafa books, he felt very strange and it drove him almost crazy. I calmed down and realized that there were evil factors behind him controlling him. So I sent forth righteous thoughts to disintegrate the black minions and rotten ghosts behind him. I also looked inwards to become aware of my own attachments, because if someone becomes so upset that they tear up a Dafa book in your face, there must be attachments. In this way, I found many attachments such as hatred, jealousy, competitiveness and the pursuit of comfort.
I later became aware that it is not enough just to pass tests in cultivation, it is our solemn pledge to save sentient beings. So I strengthened my righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors of the old forces in my dimension. At the same time, I started to communicate better with my husband and clarified the truth about Dafa to him. Gradually, he changed. I also began to attend group Fa study openly, instead of secretly contacting practitioners to study. Sometimes when I went outside to distribute truth clarifying materials and returned home late, he did not say anything. I could do the three things with no problems from him. Sometimes, he helped me clarify the truth about Dafa to friends and relatives and urged them to quit the CCP. He quit the Youth League with his real name and wrote a renouncement statement. Another life was saved, and I felt happy for him from the bottom of my heart.