Cultivating My Xinxing and Improving Amidst Tribulations
(Clearwisdom.net) I am an elderly female practitioner who was fortunate to learn Falun Dafa in February1997. After a short period of group Fa study and cultivation, I changed spiritually and physically. I held firm faith in Falun Dafa, especially after the persecution began on July 20, 1999. To me, cultivation means looking within, cultivating xinxing, improving myself while doing the three things, and following closely Teacher's Fa.
My husband was a building contractor. We used to be very wealthy. We owned the building we occupied and cars. However, our trouble began in 2002. Under the CCP's rule, corruption and cheating were out of control. Also, because of problems with our business operations and mediocre management, one project that had been completed two years before remained unpaid. We made the investment, but didn't receive what was owed us. This had a domino effect on our debts. We couldn't repay the bank loan we had taken out. We owed salary payments to some workers. I felt unbalanced. My husband had been working as a building contractor for ten years. Why were we settled with this debt? What should I do? Teacher said,
"How should our practitioners treat losses and gains? It is different from ordinary people. What everyday people want is personal gain and how to live well and comfortably. Our practitioners are not this way, but exactly the opposite. We do not seek what everyday people want. Instead, what we get is something everyday people cannot obtain--even though they want to--except through cultivation practice." (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
I followed Teacher's Fa and took lightly my personal interests. When others asked for payment, we explained our situation. We gradually paid off all our debts.
I thought that I could take it easy, but someone told me, "Your husband has been having an affair for many years." I couldn't believe this. I thought, "We usually get along well. I practice Falun Gong and study the Fa. He has never said or done anything to stop me, and has been very supportive. Therefore, I didn't suspect that he could have an affair." I was hurt terribly and felt deep grievance, intense dislike and pain. It was so difficult for me to let go of my emotion. I thought, "Why does he treat me this way? The money is gone. His heart changed. It's so unfair!" That tribulation was terribly difficult to pass. But I am a Dafa practitioner. I often asked myself, "Are you a true cultivator? Have you let go of your attachments to fame, gain and emotion?" Teacher said,
"As a matter of fact, when you agonize over infringements upon your reputation, self-interest, and feelings among everyday people, it already indicates that you cannot let go of ordinary human attachments. You must remember this: Cultivation itself is not painful--the key lies in your inability to let go of ordinary human attachments. Only when you are about to let go of your reputation, interests, and feelings will you feel pain." ("True Cultivation," Essentials for Further Advancement)
Forbearance is the key to improving one's xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator. ("What is Forbearance (Ren)?" Essentials for Further Advancement)
When I read Teacher's Fa again, I broke into tears before Teacher's picture. I knew that I had to balance this matter with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. But what should I do?
Though my husband and his mistress were in the wrong, I should treat them kindly. I held compassion in my heart and went to see that woman. Of course, I hoped that she could understand the truth about Falun Dafa. I told her kindly why I came to see her. I said, "I am a Falun Dafa practitioner and live by the principles Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and try to be a good person. I do not blame your for what you've done, but I hope that you can leave my husband. If you go on like this, it will be no good to you or him." Then, they stopped seeing each other.
About two months later in 2005, because the bank asked for repayment of the loan, we sold our building and moved into a small apartment. I often thought, "Can an ordinary person overcome all these hardships? But I am a practitioner, what does that bit of pain account for?" My children said, "If mother didn't practice Falun Dafa, she would have filed for a divorce and wouldn't have treated our father this well." Some friends asked my husband, "Is your wife still practicing Falun Gong?" He said, "If she didn't practice Falun Gong, I don't know how she would have treated me. Also, our family life would not be so harmonious!" Therefore, our relatives and friends are aware of the truth about Falun Dafa. It has also made it easier for me to persuade them to quit the Chinese Communist Party.