My Understanding of Passing the Test of Sickness Karma
(Clearwisdom.net) I've experienced sickness karma again. While enduring the suffering this time, I thought, "But recently I have felt that I have been diligent in my cultivation." Actually I was not strict with myself and was not meeting the requirements of a Dafa practitioner. That night when I fell asleep, a loud voice woke me up. I clearly remembered the scene in the dream. In the dream I was very busy, just like I was in ordinary society. I had been busy all day and my mind was not on the Fa. I was allowing myself to be affected by everything in ordinary society and was horrified when I realized this. And then it seemed that Master asked the old forces and rotten demons to stop persecuting me. However, they shouted, "Look at her, shouldn't we persecute her?" Hearing this, I woke up.
I came to understand that Master had arranged for me to hear this, to enlighten me so that I could rectify myself.
Although I intended to be diligent, I was not always diligent. Before I obtained the Fa, I was on the verge of death health-wise. Then I started practicing Falun Gong. After I became a practitioner in 1996, I was in the state of perceptually understanding the Fa. Sometimes I was diligent and sometimes I would slack off. Each time when I read other practitioners' experience sharing, I felt I should be diligent. However, after interacting with ordinary society, I could not hold myself to a practitioner's standard, and I would act just like an everyday person. Sometimes I repented for not cherishing the Fa and not being diligent. I was often affected by false appearances and did not genuinely cultivate. In addition, I did not treat cultivation seriously and instead cultivated on the basis of living a good life in ordinary society. In regards to Fa study, Master told us the importance of Fa study again and again. Every day I studied the Fa, but I treated Fa study as just accomplishing a task. Sometimes I was drowsy as I read, and sometimes a lot of impure thoughts would emerge. Master told us, "When your mind isn't at peace, studying the Fa is not effective. You should study it with a peaceful mind." ("A Heavy Blow" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
During the past few years, although I had been studying the Fa, my mind was not on the Fa and I did not solidly cultivate myself. Therefore, when I met with the sickness karma, I did not understand it with righteous thoughts. I simply thought that I had not cultivated well and still had some karma to eliminate. As a result of this thought, the sickness karma became more severe. My child said, "You've this issue several times." He reminded me, "Master told us that veteran practitioners will no longer have sickness karma."
I studied very few lectures in which Master addressed this issue after July 20, 1999. I always looked outward instead of inward and felt that I didn't have enough time and that I was too busy working. But as soon as I would experience sickness karma again, I would make time to be diligent; the rest of the time, I relaxed my righteous thoughts. A few days ago I dreamed that when I bought rice, there was a hole in the plastic bag and rice fell out, so I covered up the hole and continued walking. I even tried to conceal the hole from others. I came to understand that Master was enlightening me to this: that I do not cultivate steadfastly and I only cultivate to amend the loopholes. My basis of cultivation is not righteous. As a being, I should assimilate to the Fa diligently; otherwise, even though I appear to cultivate perfectly on the surface, my xinxing does not meet the requirement of the Fa, so I am not genuinely cultivating, which will be harmful to others, including myself. I hope that through my experience sharing, other practitioners who are in the same state can rectify themselves immediately. I hope they can learn a lesson from me and treat cultivation seriously and not let Master down.
Previously I did not intend to send this article to the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. I felt so embarrassed and was afraid that nobody else cultivated as poorly as me. After reading the articles that were posted on the "Minghui Weekly," I learned that when fellow practitioners were persecuted by sickness karma, practitioners around them helped them compassionately. I should look within. At the same time, I hope my experience will be helpful to other practitioners.
Please kindly point out anything improper.