Searching Inside and Really Cultivating Myself
(Clearwisdom.net) Recently while strengthening Fa study with a calm mind, sharing with fellow practitioners, and reading Minghui articles, I found myself improving very fast. I have barriers to break through each day, more attachments to let go of, and thus I make progress quickly. The following are some examples of my searching inside recently, and I hope to be able to share more with fellow practitioners.
One day practitioner C asked me to help solve a problem with a computer. I went to C's home and solved the problem easily. C said that practitioner D also had the same problem and he couldn't solve it either. When I heard that, I felt proud of myself. On my way home, I searched inside and found that I had a heart for showing off, joy, and jealousy hiding behind my pride. These are all postnatal notions, not from my true self.
In the past, I heard that practitioner B fell into a state of "illness." I talked with practitioner A and we planned to visit B's home around seven o'clock that night. I took my five-year old child and went to B's home with A. I forgot the time while we talked with B. My husband called me around 8:30 pm and urged me to go back home (my child went to bed at 8:30 pm normally). As B's home is at the countryside, we had to walk to catch a taxi. So it was after than nine o'clock when I arrived home. When I entered, I saw my husband sitting on the sofa angrily and he did not say anything. I did not offer an explanation and simply hurried to help my child clean up and get to bed.
I slept with my child and searched inside. First, I found that there was nothing wrong for me to help a fellow practitioner, but why did my husband feel so angry? Searching inside, I recognized that I had fear in my heart. I was afraid that my husband could feel angry and after receiving his call, I worried about it very much.
Secondly, I had strong sentiment towards my husband. I was afraid of his anger and that it might affect our sentiment toward each other. I still pursue happiness in the ordinary world.
Thirdly, I had a fighting mentality, and often argued with him when having a conflict. The root cause for this problem is because I sometimes forgot at home that I was a practitioner. I was controlled by human notions and devotedly played my role in ordinary life.
I now realize that all those notions are not my own and were formed postnatally. I told myself that these notions should not affect me any longer. I believed that this thing no longer existed in me and I realized that my husband's anger had been released.
After my child fell asleep, I spoke with my husband and asked him, "Are you angry with me? I am sorry that I came home so late." Before I could finish my speech, he said, "Who dare to be angry with you?"
I have practiced cultivation for ten years and still have not been able to make a breakthrough on the husband-wife life until this past month.
I am a young woman and my husband is not a practitioner. In getting rid of lust, I thought that I would no longer have this attachment and never paid attention to it. I always had a notion that because my husband was not a practitioner, it was impossible for him to take it lightly. I believed that if I reduce the times of making love with him or never do it that would affect our sentiment toward each other. In my mind I had a concept that we should make love at least once every several days.
Recently, I got in touch with a practitioner who is in charge of technology in another area. Through sharing our cultivation experience, my righteous thoughts were getting stronger. I also did technological work and got in touch with many practitioners. Most of them were coordinators or practitioners working at material production sites. I thought that if I also shared the cultivation experience with other practitioners like him, we would quickly improve together as a whole body.
I decided that I must cultivate well and thus be able to save more people. On the other hand, if I don't cultivate well, I might destroy countless sentient beings and also might influence other practitioners. During that period, I was full of the righteous thoughts and only thought about saving sentient beings. I forgot about my notion that I must make love with my husband once every several days. In the end, more than ten days passed, and my husband had no desire at all, but our sentiment toward each other was still as good as before. I awakened and realized that it was all my problem. I had not let go of my attachment to lust and this resulted in the thought of "once every several days."
I deeply enlightened that as long as we truly follow to Fa standards, Dafa will be omnipotent. After I had treated my cultivation conflict correctly, I felt very happy. Now I know that this is what I basically should do. I have cultivated Dafa for ten years and until now I know how to truly cultivate, I really feel ashamed of myself.
Fa-rectification has entered the final phase and we have no time to waste. Once we lose any chance, we will no longer be able to regain it. Let's pay attention to any conflict, any words that make us unhappy, as well as any incorrect thoughts. Grasp them and get rid of them. Master wants that we consummate and return to the highest position we are supposed to have. The sentient beings there await our returns.
Fellow practitioners, let's cultivate diligently! We should not leave room for regret at any point on the final steps of our journey.