Searching Inward to Find My Fundamental Attachment, Eliminating Roadblocks on My Cultivation Path
(Clearwisdom.net) Reading other practitioners' experience sharing articles has really helped my cultivation through the years. Although this is my first experience sharing paper, I have considered writing experience sharing articles before. Fortunately, the repeated delays, caused by the interferences of various human notions, are being dissolved with help from other practitioners' experiences, studying the Fa more, and looking within.
After studying the Fa for several years, I still had not found any fundamental attachments. By reading the experience sharing articles from other practitioners though, I realized that I should search inward deeply. As a result, I found that when I started my practice, I had the intention of altering my fate. Before I practiced Falun Gong, I was weak, introverted, and pessimistic. I could not let go of the constant concern about my fate. I had heard that Falun Gong practitioners were all blessed, and that if a person started to walk on the cultivation path, his (or her) life would be changed. This information moved me from the bottom of my heart. From that moment, I started to read the Dafa books. Along with learning the Fa and through Master's compassionate hints, I gradually got rid of various attachments. However, I did not find this fundamental attachment. It had developed many human notions that became roadblocks on my cultivation path.
I was frequently asked why I hadn't gotten married. I could not answer the question honestly and constantly put off those that asked. When a middle-aged practitioner discussed this issue with me, I said, "I have no intention of developing that kind of relationship and would prefer to allow nature to take its course. I just walk on the path that Master arranges for me. As Falun Gong practitioners, we have to set good examples for future practitioners to follow. Maybe my cultivation path is just like this." The other practitioner agreed. This was our understanding at that time. After that, I gained a lot from reading the articles, including, "On the Relationship Between Members of the Opposite Sex and the Issue of Marriage" and "Uplifting Xinxing and Eliminating the Attachment to Lust." I knew how to deal with the reality. I felt that many bad things were eliminated while sending forth righteous thoughts. If anyone wants to introduce a potential date to me, I would realize that it is the reflection of the fact that my state is not pure enough. I should send forth righteous thoughts to clean out my bad thoughts and ideas, and diligently study the Fa.
After a period of time, I found that, although my attachment to emotion was weaker, it was not completely eliminated. What on earth did I miss? Over the past several days, I took advantage of opportunities to read Master's Fa:
"In our discipline, or at least for this part that cultivates in the setting of ordinary people, you don't have to become a monk or nun. Our young folks should still get married. So how should we handle this, then? As I've said, our discipline focuses directly on the human mind, and we don't make you really experience any material loss, but just the opposite--we have you temper your character right in the thick of ordinary people fighting for profit, and what you truly improve is your character." (Zhuan Falun, The Sixth Talk, 2/2003, translated by North American Practitioners)
Master compassionately pointed out my shortcomings, I just didn't realize for a long time that there was a xinxing issue and that I needed to enlighten to deeper meanings of the Fa. I felt ashamed and started to quietly search inward. I found that I often thought about, "What type of person is suitable for me?" Sometimes when I saw the wedding pictures in a photographer's store, I felt disappointed about being single. I cared about my appearance. When I met someone matching my aesthetic standard, I could not avoid looking at him (or her) more. Recently when I went shopping, I observed three pairs of fighting couples in half a day. "Why did I see them?" I found that I was still looking for "beautiful love" in the human world and my attachment to competition was strong.
I felt that my job was boring and exhausting. I always wanted to change to another one to test my capability, unearth my potential, and achieve my "goal in human life." I liked to listen to the stories of how other people started their businesses and dreamed about quitting my stable job in exchange for another exciting life style. I searched inward and found that I was still looking for luxury in this "human life." At work, my attachments to jealousy, fame, and irritation often surfaced.
My home is one of the sites for making truth-clarification materials. Since I am responsible for making truth-clarification materials, after work my schedule is very tight. In the beginning, production did not go well because of some technical problems and problems of my "xinxing". I blamed a member of my family (also a practitioner) for creating problems for me. We even fought with each other. After that, I searched inward and found my attachment to selfishness. I did not consider that he (or she) also wished to do something for Dafa and other fellow practitioners.
My initial attachment, also the fundamental attachment, was to change my fate to have a good life in the human world. This fundamental attachment brought forth various attachments, which created roadblocks on my cultivation path. After I found these attachments, I was ashamed of myself. In the future, I will seize the day to really cultivate and search inward. I will get rid of all my attachments, better save sentient beings, and walk the cultivation path that Master arranged for me.
Please kindly point out anything improper.