(Clearwisdom.net) I am a Dafa disciple. I graduated from college only two years ago, but I am a "veteran disciple" who has cultivated Dafa for more than ten years. But since my enlightenment quality was poor, my cultivation path was meandering. The lesson I experienced was painful and I hope that fellow practitioners might take a warning from my experiences.
I obtained the Fa in 1996 when I was a student in junior middle school. But I didn't cultivate diligently in the beginning and had many human attachments. For example, I liked to play around, watch movies, listen to music, etc. I knew all these things were hindrances to my cultivation, but I was just reluctant to give up what I thought were the "fine things in life." In a word, I didn't establish a firm cultivation base during the precious personal cultivation period.
After July 20, 1999, our cultivation environment was destroyed when the persecution began, and Mother went to Beijing twice to validate the Fa. Then Mother lost her job due to the evil persecution and Father started to set his face against Dafa. He even burned all of our Dafa books and materials. However, because Mother always maintained strong righteous thoughts, the evil was not able to use Father to persecute us any further and our family environment was gradually rectified. But then I started to have various unrighteous thoughts.
After I went to college, I interacted with non-practitioners every day. The attachments that I used to have as a young person soon became stronger, and sometimes I almost forgot that I was a practitioner and I started to act like an ordinary person.
In 2006, I graduated from college and returned home. I started to have many disputes with my mother. Because I hadn't studied the Fa well for the four years that I was gone, I couldn't accept her reminding me to cultivate diligently. We quarreled. Not long after this last Chinese New Year, I suddenly fell ill. I ran a high fever, my whole body trembled, and I vomited whatever I ate. Whenever I had been "ill" previously, I would usually recover after I slept a while, but this time the high fever didn't let up. I talked to Mother and enlightened to the fact that if I didn't try to cultivate diligently, I might not survive this time. On the second morning of my fever, I started to do the exercises with my mother. I hadn't done the exercises for more than a year and now the evil attempted to interfere with me. I couldn't even stand up for a while and had to take a rest in the middle of the exercises, but I kept doing them anyway.
At one point, my whole body seemed to stop functioning and I didn't even produce saliva. After running a high fever for three days, I drank the equivalent of three barrels of water. Next, my stomach stopped digesting food. The food that I ate in the evening would be vomited up by the next morning when I did the exercises. I would vomit for a long time and I couldn't go to sleep. It was so difficult for me to sleep for even half an hour. After I woke up, I ached all over and I shook with the chills. On the third day, just as I started to do the exercises, I could hardly breathe. My chest felt cold, and the symptoms of tinnitus became louder and louder, until at last the sound of tinnitus even drowned out the exercise music. My attempts to send forth righteous thoughts became weaker and weaker, until finally I could only hear my mother sending righteous thoughts for me. At last I collapsed in a corner and lost consciousness. After I came to, Mother encouraged me to go on doing the exercises. Before this, the third exercise, Penetrating the Two Cosmic Extremes, had never been difficult for me, but now my arms seemed to be filled with lead, and it was hard for me to even make a single movement. I breathed like a person near-drowning, but I insisted on doing the exercises as difficult as it was. Then Mother read all the lectures of Zhuan Falun with me in one day.
On the fifth day I suddenly realized that for those days that I had studied the Fa and done the exercises, I had done so with a strong pursuit to getting well and also with a heart of fear. Was this cultivation? As soon as I enlightened to that, I at once felt relaxed and my mind became clear.
Six or seven days passed, and I was able to eat a little food but the fever still persisted. I lost a lot of weight and became very thin. Whatever I did, I still breathed heavily. Beyond doing the exercises in agony, I didn't even want to move. But Master always strengthened me with compassion and my spirits were good. I eventually enlightened to the following: For the last few years, I had studied the Fa but I still produced a lot of karma. Especially this year, I caused trouble for Mother and I had told her many lies. Even though I was cultivating, I had created so much karma, so shouldn't I endure it myself? I really should die for this, but Master took the agony for me. So long as I enlightened even a little, Master would take away a little of my karma and eliminate it. When I finally enlightened to all of this, I didn't even dare kneel down before Master because I felt I was unworthy. Two days before, I had begged Master for help with such a strong attachment. Now I sat on the bed and burst into tears. I deeply regretted not treasuring this precious time. During this sacred, most urgent Fa-rectification period, I had made so many troubles for other practitioners: I didn't send righteous thoughts and I didn't clarify the truth. And even when I did, I had no power. How many sentient beings have I not saved because of my lack of diligence, especially those who are my friends and relatives in this lifetime?
I suddenly realized that I had been totally acknowledging the arrangements of the old forces and had even been going along with them. During this tribulation I had thought that I was eliminating my karma or I had even thought that I had a disease. Once I enlightened to this, I immediately got out of bed, began to act like a healthy person, and resumed my normal routine. On Monday I went to work. Though I felt tired, as I was still very weak, I refused to acknowledge it. If I felt cold, I would just send forth righteous thoughts to clear it out. When I ate, if I felt the urge to vomit, I just ignored it and went on eating. One week later, all the karma state disappeared and I entered into cultivation again. This time I was determined to be steadfast, and I made great effort to cultivate myself diligently.
During the most painful time of my "illness," I realized that I had actually had similar symptoms once before. If I had paid attention and enlightened earlier, this wouldn't have turned out to be a life and death crisis. I know that there are still some practitioners like me, living like an ordinary person and allowing themselves to be separated from Master and the Fa by the old forces. They are refusing to enlighten and will be extremely regretful when the persecution begins. That is why I must share my experiences with my fellow practitioners.
In this month that I just returned to cultivation, I haven't enlighten to a high level. But I hope fellow practitioners will not pay too much attention to the words written here that still contain so many human attachments and pursuits. My reason for sharing this experience is to wake up those practitioners who still don't cultivate diligently. Fa-rectification has now entered into the final period and our road has become more and more narrow. We should think about everything from the standpoint of the Fa and cultivate ourselves ever more diligently. As for those backward disciples like me, how many other disciples are still undergoing huge tribulations just for waiting for us? Master cherishes our lives more than we cherish ourselves. If you quit cultivation, you will have no chance to be reborn. I'd like to remind you how much hardship we have endured in previous lifetimes to obtain the Fa, and since July 20, 1999, how much we have suffered. Now the environment is not so harsh and we are walking the last steps in this final period, how can we give up the very thing that we have been waiting for thousands of years for? When the truth is revealed to the world, you may prefer to be dead rather than be allowed to live, deeply regretting this precious opportunity that you missed!
April 3, 2008