Rescued from Hopeless Misery after Practicing Falun Dafa
(Clearwisdom.net) First of all, I'd like to thank Teacher for giving me this precious opportunity to share my experiences. I missed out on the previous four opportunities to submit articles for the Internet Experience Sharing Conferences for Practitioners in China and very much regret this. I longed for the chance that Teacher would provide his students with another opportunity, so that I could share with Teacher and fellow practitioners the joy and happiness I experienced after obtaining the Fa. When I learned that practitioners articles' were being requested for the Fifth Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China, I was overjoyed and grateful to Teacher for giving me the opportunity to fulfill my wish.
Unexpectedly Rescued Out of Hopeless Misery By Obtaining the Fa
I was born in the countryside in China, and although I am female, I was always eager to do well in everything and never admitted defeat. Due to my personal character and being educated with the ideology of the wicked Chinese Communist Party, I liked to argue and fight with others, which enabled me to experience and indulge in the sufferings in the human world. My marriage did not last long, I lost money through my business, and I had a very strained relationships with others. As a result I became seriously ill when I was less than 30 years old. I suffered severely both mentally and physically from this lingering illness. I was so unhappy that I wished I were dead, and I often thought about committing suicide to end it all. But every time I thought of my three-year-old daughter who had already lost the love of her father. I thought long and hard, asking myself, "Why did we come to this world? Did we come here to suffer?"
In October, 1997, I was so fortunate to obtain the precious book Zhuan Falun, which rescued me from my hopeless misery. After reading the book I suddenly saw the light, and all my questions were instantly answered. I knew the true purpose of my coming to this world. It was for me to return to my original true self. I was so overjoyed.
I began to go to the Falun Dafa exercise classes in the mornings and evenings, and on my way to and from the exercise site, or whenever I had time, I would recite the Fa. I also started to go to the group Fa study sessions. I tried my best to conform to Teacher's requirements in everything I did. With the elevation of my xinxing my body was being purified. Not long after I started practicing the exercises, my asthma and nasal problems miraculously disappeared. The inflammation of my gallbladder, which constantly gave me a lot of pain, was also gone. All of this was a result of the miracle of Falun Dafa. My sister-in-law, who was not a practitioner, witnessed these miracles and was bowled over with admiration for Dafa. She talked about it to everyone, saying, "I don't know what Falun Dafa is, but I witnessed the wonders that happened to my sister-in-law. It is as if she has changed into a new person. Her freckles have disappeared, her skin has become fairer and more delicate, and she is more energetic." The people I knew were all surprised when they saw me. They would often comment, "You changed so much!"
I had my own business in a city not far from my home. Before practicing Falun Dafa I used to work really hard but saw little in return. I used to blame it on everyone and everything but never myself, and complained about the unfairness of it all. After practicing Falun Dafa I became broadminded, and I was always in good spirits and very kind to my customers. As a result, my business improved. This was at a time when businesses in general were suffering, and the shops around me found it very difficult to sell anything. But at my shop, customers were always queuing up before I opened and I was busy all day. I could easily sell out of whatever stock I had, as the demand always exceeded my supply. My business was booming and I had to expand. Within just a few years I had truly become an entrepreneur, but I knew it was the result of the blessings from practicing Falun Dafa.
By Treating Sentient Beings Compassionately, Dafa Helped Me Resolve My Karmic Debts
While I bathed in the beauty of Dafa, Jiang Zemin began to inhumanly persecute Falun Dafa and its practitioners on July 20, 1999. In order to oppose the persecution I continued to do the group exercises outside. I was arrested. Six fellow practitioners and I were taken to a brainwashing center on the outskirts of the city, which was run by the township government. At that time the evil ran rampant, and a dozen or so government officials and the police, who had all been deceived by the wicked CCP, acted unscrupulously. They would beat us whenever we answered, "Yes, we will continue to practice the exercises." Most people would have been unable to endure such beatings.
The dozen or so officials all beat me at the same time with broomsticks. When the broomsticks hit me some of them would break, and four to five broomsticks lay broken and scattered over the floor. Then they changed to rubber batons to continue beating me until I lost consciousness. During the beatings I was making choices in my head, "What shall I do? Practice or not practice?" Dafa was deeply rooted in my heart and it had already become my primary source of life. The changes I had experienced since I began to practice flashed clearly through my mind. It seemed that the time was concentrated. One thought let me see the whole process of my entire cultivation. I made up my mind, "I will practice Falun Dafa to the end. If there was no Teacher and no Dafa there would have been no me." I let go of all my attachments and waited to see what the evildoers would do next. At that moment it seemed that I was in No Man's Land. When they were hitting me with the broomsticks, the blows seemed so soft when they landed. I didn't feel the slightest pain. When a broomstick broke, they got a new one. When the broomstick landed on me, it sounded as if hitting metal. I felt a moment of numbness and found the new broomstick was broken in two. I was stunned and realized, "It was Teacher who gave me a protective shield."
Each time they beat me, they would ask, "Do you still want to practice?" And each time I would reply in a loud voice, "Yes!". This sequence of events repeated many times. Whenever I had a bad state of mind I would find the pain from the beatings unbearable. However, when I thought of Teacher and the Gods who were watching me to see if I could pass the test, I would feel no pain at all. My thought at that moment was that I wanted to be Teacher's true student and would not let Teacher down!
Even though I had this thought, they still violently beat me. I thought that there was still something not right. Why would they beat me so badly? Was my tone of voice not right? When I discovered my attachment to competitiveness, I changed my attitude immediately. When they asked me again whether I would practice the exercises, I replied peacefully but firmly, "Yes!" My word "Yes" came from the bottom of my heart and was rock solid. It filled up all the cells in my body and the sound of my voice was earthshaking! They were stunned. They looked at each other and seemed disappointed and scared. They then quickly stopped beating me.
My arms and back were all swollen, and there was a thick lump of blood in my waist. I felt short of breath, my tongue and lips were parched, and my face was icy cold. A township government official could not bear the sight of me any longer and went out to cry. This is what he told me later, after he learned the truth about Falun Dafa. He thought to himself, "Why should this little lady suffer from severe torture? If she was my younger sister, how could I look her in the eyes?" I later also learned that some of the other evildoers were very surprised as well, commenting "How could a small lady like her bear such severe torture? Even men like us could not bear it." As a matter of fact I knew clearly that it was Teacher who bore the pain for me. That night, several fellow practitioners did not sleep.They looked after me the whole night because they were so worried about me. However, I had a very good sleep that night. I had a dream that I was sitting cross-legged and looked solemn and dignified. Then I levitated and flew very high. I could hear a rumbling sound and knew it was Teacher encouraging me! At the same time Teacher helped to adjust my body with Falun which spun continuously on my body. My whole body was warm and I did not feel any pain if I did not move.
The following day the other practitioners were amazed that I had slept that soundly. They asked me, with surprise, "Weren't you in pain?" To which I replied, "If I did not move I did not feel the pain." My face looked rosy and pink, kind and compassionate. One of the practitioners said, "You slept very comfortably, just like a Bodhisattva." The miracle Dafa manifested in me encouraged fellow practitioners' righteous belief.
At the start of normal daytime working hours, staff at the township government all came to work, so the place got pretty crowded. I asked fellow practitioners to help me to sit up, and I began to clarify the truth to the staff. My mind was empty and I could only think of Dafa. It seemed to me that my previous experience in everyday people's society was thrown into a very deep dimension, far away from me. I talked to the staff about the truth of Falun Dafa and the miraculous changes that happened to me since I started practicing. I had no human notions or any resentment towards any of them, and I also answered their questions. Dafa constantly opened up my wisdom and my heartfelt compassion also kept increasing. The field of my righteous thoughts (at that time I did not know what a righteous field was) was really strong and disintegrated the evil factors. When I first started to explain the truth to them, some people were disrespectful of Dafa, but gradually they changed their attitude and eventually no one spoke. Occasionally someone would say, "Look at her, she is like a swallow. What she is talking about is something of a higher level." To them I looked very pure, kind, and knowledgeable, even though I didn't even finish junior high school, and from time to time they would sigh with admiration.
When the city Party Committee held a meeting, it sent verbal instructions that said, "For those who have been arrested, it's OK to do anything to them, as long as you don't beat them to death." The local District Party Secretary sent his secretary to the township to check on the results of "reforming" Dafa practitioners. I kindly explained to him the beauty Falun Dafa had brought to me. He listened silently and constantly nodded his head. Finally, he said, "It seems that you are really benefiting from it. If everyone is like you, then the exercise is certainly beneficial. You write a report on Falun Dafa and I will help you to submit it." Thereafter, people in the township treated me with a totally different attitude. Whenever they wanted to ask me something they would all smile at me and take a great interest in what I had to say. One practitioner said, "When they talk to you they are very kind. How come they treat us so badly?" This was because I was in line with the Fa and manifested the solemness of Dafa. Since the power of compassion was boundless, the evil factors automatically disintegrated around me.
In little more than ten days of detention my fellow practitioners and I had clarified the truth to everyone we met. I recovered very quickly from my injuries and returned to normal without realizing it. The staff of the township government all thought it was a miracle. The wicked plan of the CCP to force practitioners to renounce their belief failed. Instead it turned out to be a good opportunity for practitioners to clarify the truth to the government officials.
The day after I was released, I bought some gifts and went to the home of my former mother-in-law, for whom I had so much resentment and hatred. When I was arrested my baby daughter had to live with her grandmother. When I met her and the other family members, we greeted one another cordially as if nothing had happened before. After the greetings I briefed them about my arrest and talked about the truth of Falun Dafa. When I left there, I proceeded to my mother's home and bumped into my former neighbor on the way. They were very shocked to learn that I had gone to my former mother-in-law's, after I had suffered so much humiliation from her over the years. I explained to them, "I practice Falun Dafa, which teaches people to be kind and to become good people. What happened in the past all had karmic relationships. This change occurred after I learned Falun Dafa." In the evening when I sat on the bed and recalled the entire process, I had no resentment or hatred whatsoever. I went there calm and came back calm. What amazed me was that all the resentment and hatred that had accumulated over the years all disappeared. The comfort I felt was beyond description. I felt so happy that I could not hold back my tears. What impressed me was that Dafa helped me to undo all the wrongs I had done in my karmic relationships with benevolent solutions. At the time I did not know about karmic relationships or to always look inward for the reasons relating to conflict. I only knew that this family had hurt me so much that I would normally be filled with anger as soon as I saw the path leading to their house, not to mention to hear their names mentioned.
During the second half of 2000, to help save predestined lives, another practitioner and I returned to the government township to find the top government official who allowed us to be beaten. When his wife learned of our reason for visiting him, she was very surprised and said, "He treated you so badly and you still come to visit him?" On learning the truth of the persecution she asked for a copy of Zhuan Falun. The top government official was also very moved and accepted, with both hands, the truth-clarification materials we had brought him and said he would definitely read them. He also said, "Luckily you have a good grounding in the exercises you are learning. Otherwise you might be dead. If we had not released so soon, the staff here would all be practicing Falun Dafa by now."
Fellow Practitioners' Selflessness Has Greatly Influenced Me
I have been to Beijing several times to appeal for Teacher and Dafa, in accordance with the people's rights written in the Constitution. But the ruling party not only refused to listen, they persecuted me as well. Even members of my family that did not practice Falun Dafa were harassed and had tens of thousands of yuan extorted from them. As a result, I was unable to run my business anymore and could not return home if I wanted to avoid being arrested. I became homeless and had to wonder around other parts of the country.
In the winter of 2002, I went to a truth-clarification material processing site and had a meal with the practitioners there. As we were about to finish I noticed that there was still some food left on the plate. I said, "We'd better finish it so it won't be more difficult to wash the dishes." One of the practitioners said, "It's not that we don't want to finish it but we thought we should save it for our next meal." I felt like crying in my heart. What was their life like? I was deeply moved and respected them from the bottom of my heart. Compared to them I lagged far behind in my cultivation state. The invincible might of Dafa had created so many selfless practitioners. Actually, each of the practitioners at the material site could have enjoyed a better life, but they selflessly chose this path. Some practitioners have said that they were forced to go to the material processing site, but I would say that is not true. Even if they could not stay at home as result of the persecution, they could still choose to work in other parts of the country and clarify the truth there. In that way they would certainly have had a much easier life. Practitioners who had chosen to work at the material site were the ones who were able to let go of self and the attachment of loss or gain. Their aim was solely to fulfill their mission and responsibility to Dafa. Most of the practitioners at the material site had no income and lived on their savings, so they were careful not to waste money. The clothes they wore mostly came from fellow practitioners.
Through my experience at the material processing site, I found my gap, my attachment. In the past, I could make the best of if as far as my meals were concerned, and I paid a lot of attention to my clothing. After practicing Falun Dafa I made some improvement in this respect, but still could not totally let it go. To see these practitioners, I was really touched by their selflessness. From then on, I tried to money when buying food and clothing. To be more specific, I virtually stopped buying any new clothes and wore whatever other practitioners gave to me. I used the money I saved on saving sentient beings. In summer I found it easier to bear, since I can wear any clothes, but in winter, especially around the time of the Chinese New Year, I found it a bit hard to handle. Since everyone else wore new clothes, what would my friends and family say if I still wore old clothes? Besides, it would not be good for a practitioner's image. However, whenever I thought of the practitioners at the material processing site, I just stopped buying new clothes. Practitioners who lived at home donated quite a lot of clothing, but not much suited me. At the time I said quietly to Teacher, "Teacher, your student doesn't want to waste money on clothing. If I do, it will mean less money for the truth-clarification materials to help save the sentient beings. I hope there will be clothes donated by practitioners that will fit me." A few days later I found clothes donated by one practitioner that fit me well, and even the color was the one that I liked. I knew as far as this issue was concerned I still had attachments that needed to be let go. After enlightening to the issue I paid no attention to what to wear anymore, as long as the clothes suited me.
Pass the Test of Lust and Eliminate the Demon of Lust.
This is an issue that I least want to talk about in the process of my cultivation. Although I had not done anything that let Teacher and Dafa down, I always felt dejected. Passing the test of lust was bitter, hard, and tiring. When I managed to pass the test and looked back I could see that the old forces really tried to ruin me. In order to do this, the old forces made wicked arrangements in my previous lives. However, I had Teacher and Dafa, so I was not afraid.
In this life the old forces used my karmic relationships to arrange a very unfortunate and regrettable marriage for me. The marriage left me mentally scarred, and afterward I never met anyone that I could wholeheartedly devote myself to, until the Chinese Communist Party (the CCP) began to persecute Falun Gong. During one of my detentions I met a male practitioner with whom I felt so comfortable. It seemed as if there was a string that had tied us together for thousands of years. It felt like we had always been together, yet we had only just met. Ever since then I always thought of him, and this practitioner later became my teammate in doing Dafa work.
Approximately two years later, this practitioner invited me to join him in making materials. I considered it for quite some time, but could not decide what to do. He did not know my thoughts toward him, but I did share them with another practitioner. I told this practitioner, "Now the material processing site needs helpers, but I still have such bad thoughts of lust. If I choose not to go then they will be short of hands, but if I choose to go I am afraid it would strengthen my attachment towards him." After due consideration the practitioner said, "As long as your starting point is righteous you should not delay in doing Dafa work simply because of your attachment. As for the attachment itself, if you are able to let it go when you are in it, it would make you even more solid." After the sharing I thought that I might need this situation to help me let go of this attachment. My thought seemed too simple. Cultivation is a very serious matter, and the old forces tried to slip through any gaps I had.
Then I began the difficult process of letting go of my attachment to lust. It would have been OK if I had studied the Fa well, or if my mind was always occupied with Dafa work. Whenever a bad thought emerged I would eliminate it straightaway. Sometimes, however, the interference was really intense and his image would fill my mind. But thanks to the solid foundation I had laid as a result of Fa study over the years, my main consciousness was very clear and, with Teacher's help, whenever the interference occurred I would send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it until all the evil factors were cleared away. Sometimes I would send forth righteous thought for half an hour, one hour, or even longer. The old forces arranged three tests for me, in which they stuffed in all sorts of evil factors of the demon of lust. For the first test, I knew clearly that I could not look at this practitioner without thinking of him. I begged Teacher to strengthen my righteous thoughts and firmly eliminated the evil factors, as well as the degenerate substances. To me it was a stirring battle between the righteous and the evil. I continuously sent forth righteous thoughts until the evil factors were completely eliminated. For the next two tests, I felt the evil was getting weaker and weaker. When the dark minions of the old forces realized that they failed to reach their goal, they changed tactics. One evening when I was half asleep, in my subconscious, I thought that this practitioner came into my bedroom. I was instantly alert and thought that it must be the old forces creating an illusion in an effort to interfere with and persecute me. I immediately jumped up, sat in a crossed legged position, and began to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all the evil factors that interfered me and to eliminate the attachment of lust. The wicked demons were eradicated straight away.
Although the evil factors failed to play any major role, I still failed to fully root them out. When I looked inward, I found an attachment that was hidden very deep. It was the attachment of seeking a happy life. Wasn't this holding onto humanness with one hand without letting go and holding onto Buddhahood with the other hand? For me to pass the test of lust was actually the result of solid Fa study that had laid a rock solid foundation for me.
Coordination Work Must Be Done Despite the Hardships
In the early part of 2004, the main coordinators in our city and several practitioners that worked at the material processing sites were arrested. Among them was my former teammate and lust attachment. At the time, local practitioners relied mainly on the large material site rather than smaller, family materials sites, as there were very few around. My knowledge in this area of expertise was limited. I had only studied computers for a month, and the most important thing I had learned was to browse the Internet. I wanted to help, but it created a bit of a dilemma. I did not have the necessary computer skills to help on the computer; there were not enough people to do the coordinating work at the materials site, and other practitioners were not familiar enough with the surrounding area to deliver materials to practitioners in a timely manner. I finally decided to do the material processing work at the large site to allow time for other smaller sites to be established. Gradually, the workload at the larger materials site was reduced as smaller printing sites were springing up all over the place. As a result, two practitioners and I were responsible for the processing and transporting of Teacher's recent articles and other related materials, for more than 1,600 practitioners in the surrounding area.
Prior to taking this responsibility, I would only cooperate with other practitioners to help purchase different materials, assisting with the binding, delivery and collection of materials. In short, my tasks did not cause me any trouble. Now I had responsibility and instantly felt the pressure. It was as if I was so high that I could hardly breathe. But I remained steadfast, as I thought of the responsibilities of other practitioners' and the missions that they had to do.
Over the past few years fellow practitioners and I have worked consistently, regardless of the weather and madness exhibited by the evildoers. We've always delivered truth-clarification materials to practitioners' as quickly as possible, so that they can help save sentient beings. Only when the small materials sites were fully established did we cease production at the large site.
Study the Fa Well and Look Inward is What's Key
When I undertook Dafa work and someone opposed my suggestions or ideas, that pain was what hurt me the most. I would get riled up and felt that cultivation was too difficult. However, when I studied the Fa well and did what Teacher required of me, I would be able to look inward and make breakthroughs in my xinxing tests. I would feel my xinxing rise and my heart would expand with the increased compassion in my heart. The comfort and lightness I felt let me experience the profoundness of cultivation, the supernormal power of Dafa, and the boundless compassion of Teacher.
During 2004, I took on more Dafa work and joined the production team for the "Nine Commentaries on Communist Party." I was in charge of the maintenance of equipment at the materials site and responsible for the purchasing of consumables. I also did the coordination work for many other projects. On top of all this, I still took part in a lot of other things that came up unexpectedly. I was really very busy and my mentality towards accomplishing a task was getting increasingly stronger. This, however, affected my Fa study. When I did not study the Fa well I became very agitated and worried. I knew I could not go on like this. Most of the material sites that were found and closed down by the CCP were due to the practitioners there being very busy and neglecting Fa study. They did not look inward and left many loopholes exposed for the old forces to take advantage off. Teacher would not want us to be like that, so I forced myself to sit down and study the Fa with a calm mind for more than ten days. Teacher said,
"In cultivation, one should mainly cultivate one's xinxing. They still do not understand this and believe that they can practice cultivation by merely suffering hardships" ("Lecture Five" in Zhuan Falun) (Official Translation)
I suddenly realized my shortcomings. The frenzied persecution of Dafa practitioners by the evil forces had failed to disturb my solid faith in Dafa, but the pressure from fellow practitioners made me gasp for air. I looked inward very carefully to find that I had a problem with other practitioners. Over the past few years, I had contributed all I had to Dafa work, working very hard and feeling very tired, but when I saw other practitioners who still had the attitude of waiting and relying on others, I began to have some "complaints" about them. I took how much had been accomplished as the main measurement of cultivation. What was the responsibility of a coordinator? Should the coordinator take on all the Dafa work that was meant to be done by practitioners as a whole? I realized I had the attachment of "self importance." I could not rely on the things other practitioners did, and it seemed that nothing would work without my participation. Teacher asked us to upgrade as one body. If I continued like this it would not only prevent me from studying the Fa well, it would also prevent other practitioners from walking their own paths of validating the Fa. Since we are all Teacher's students, I should believe that fellow practitioners would certainly do everything well.
If I could study the Fa well and listen to what Teacher said, I should focus on establishing Fa-study groups to help practitioners form a cultivation environment that would help us to constantly upgrade our xinxing. Should I still need to do so much work if each practitioner could be more active on his or her path of cultivation? I had always thought I was doing very well and I had no regrets on my path of cultivation. When I realized that I still had room for improvement in comparing the requirements that Teacher had set for me, my "complaints" about other practitioners instantly disappeared.
Later, I organized a sharing with coordinators from the surrounding area and expressed my understanding on what I had enlightened too. At the time some practitioners reacted very strongly and even refused to accept my opinion. However, I listened, remained calm, and believed that they would certainly do well. When other practitioners realized their attachment of relying on others and the attachment of seeking comfort, they advanced by leaps and bounds. Those who have been able to come to this point today in Dafa are all genuine practitioners. The fact that the family material sites sprang up everywhere and blossomed was proof of that.
Walk Out of the Demon's Lair with Righteous Thoughts
I have been arrested seven times, and each time, except for my detention of two weeks in November 1999 when I went to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong, I have walked out of the detention center within a few days, as I had a righteous belief in Dafa.
In autumn, 2001, a practitioner and I were in a mountainous region distributing truth-clarification materials when we were reported to the police, arrested, and taken to a local detention center. Since I protested my detention by going on a hunger strike, they took me to a local hospital where I was force-fed. In the evening two policemen took turns to watch over me. They paced up and down in front of the bed to which I was handcuffed. I wasn't sleepy at all and would send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all the evil factors that controlled and manipulated the policemen. I also asked Teacher to strengthen my righteous thoughts and thought that I must leave this place. I said to myself, "Falun Dafa practitioners should not be imprisoned and this is not the place for me. I must go out to do what a practitioner should do." It was about 3 a.m. and a policeman sat on a stool not far away from my bed and put his elbows on his knees to support his head. He sat with his back to me. I looked around and thought, "This is my opportunity to leave." In less than a minute I freed myself from the handcuffs and walked out under the nose of the police.
I feel very proud to have such a great and compassionate Teacher and to be a Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioner. I feel I am one of the luckiest lives in the cosmos. At the same time I also know that as a Fa-rectification period practitioner, I am shouldering an important mission of saving the sentient beings. I must acknowledge my shortcomings and do a better job in doing the three things well. I must be diligent, diligent, and more diligent to let Teacher, who is waiting for our "good news," to feel relieved.