Find Where You Fall Short and Strive Forward in Dafa
(Clearwisdom.net) When I first heard about the Fifth Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China, I knew I had to participate. I have been following Teacher for so many years during Fa-rectification cultivation. Whether it is an experience or a lesson, I knew I must earnestly record it. This is a review of my cultivation journey.
1. Study Dafa, Improve Xinxing
I began practicing Falun Dafa in April 1998. My entire outlook on the world changed after my first reading of Zhuan Falun. I felt such happiness in my heart. Soon, some of my colleagues were also practicing Dafa.
Not long after we started practicing, our workplace announced a last chance to get welfare housing from them. As it was the final one, competition was especially intense. Other colleagues resorted to all kinds of methods to make the house their own. They used their private relationships, went through back doors and made up stories, all the while fighting and cursing at each other. However we Falun Gong practitioners didn't do this. Although we had just learned Dafa, we already understood the principle of "loss and gain." As a example, according to my situation, I was only eligible for housing on the fourth floor (top level) of our building. However, above the third floor you couldn't get water. As I was a member of the housing allocation committee, if I had requested the better apartment, the cadre explicitly told me that he would put my name down as a candidate for the new apartment. However I did not do so. I am a practitioner. How could I behave the same as an everyday person? So my family and I were assigned to the top floor. Nevertheless, our family has never been short of water in all these several years, and other conditions are also very good.
2. Stepping Forward to Validate the Fa and Save Sentient Beings
Several days prior to Teacher publishing the article "Toward Consummation," I had a dream. I was standing on something like an observation post and there was a receiving station in the sky for the Falun Dafa paradise. A big balloon continuously delivered people from the observation post to the Falun Dafa paradise receiving station, however I had not been picked up. I didn't understand the meaning of this dream at that time. One day my husband tried to force me to read a paper that slandered Teacher. I firmly resisted, so he read it out loud. I was extremely sad to hear those absurd and evil lies. But from that moment on I knew I had to go out and clarify the truth about Teacher and Falun Dafa. Since then I've marched along the path of validating Dafa and saving sentient beings. I finally understood the meaning of my dream. If I don't come out to validate Dafa and save people, how can I be Teacher's disciple? How can I be a Falun Dafa practitioner in the Fa-rectification period? How can I move towards Consummation?
In the beginning, fellow practitioners provided us with samples of truth-clarification materials, which we photocopied. I cooperated with another practitioner and together we photocopied and distributed four to five hundred pamphlets each week. When I first started handing out materials, I was afraid. But gradually my heart became more and more clean, more and more righteous. After the staged "Tiananmen self-immolation incident," all of a sudden dark clouds decended. I could feel the hatred and strange looks from my colleagues, friends, and even family members. However, after over a year of solid practice and tempering from validating the Fa and explaining the true facts, I was filled with righteous faith in Dafa. It was difficult, but I ignored the pressure. I focused on my mercy and responsibility towards saving sentient beings. I realized that the real victims were those who had been deceived by the lies. I wanted to use my wings to support a piece of the sky for these sentient beings.
Since 2001, I have been handing out truth clarification materials in the countryside at least once a week. I usually cover one or two villages each time. I try to give materials to the elderly and women, and talk with them face to face. In a few short years, I have been to several dozen villages, large and small. I went with a calm heart and returned safely every time. I had no concept of being persecuted in my heart, because I knew Teacher was next to me.
I was waiting for a bus one day after handing out materials. It was a very hot day and I was incredibly thirsty. I wanted to buy a bottle of water but I looked around and no one was selling any. I told myself to endure it. But when I looked up again, suddenly there was an ice cream stand only a short distance from me and they were selling water. I bought a bottle wondering how I could have missed the stand first time around. After reading sharings by fellow practitioners, I came to realize that Teacher had arranged that bottle of water for me. My happiness and gratitude in that moment was indescribable!
On another occasion, it began raining before I finished handing out materials. Usually I leave the pamphlets and fliers at the villagers' gates, but I was worried about them getting wet, so I stopped. I walked to the main road to wait for a bus, but the rain was becoming heavier and heavier and none of the buses stopped. I stood there with a very tranquil mind and warned myself that this was a test, a test to see if I believed in Teacher. I believed Teacher was next to me, and I could certainly go home safely soon. Shortly after having this thought, a black passenger car slowly stopped in front of me. The driver asked me to get in, but I said I was soaking and didn't want to get the car seat wet. The driver insisted and told me to quickly get in. The driver took me home, and I insisted the driver accept a ten yuan fare. I knew that Teacher sent the driver. Think about it: in such heavy rain, even the bus drivers were not willing to stop, but this high-class passenger car did. The driver wouldn't even accept money until I insisted. This sort of thing just doesn't happen in China today.
My job requires that I work overtime at the end of each month and at the end of the year. My workplace reimburses me for taxis I take after-hours. This is a good chance for me to clarify the truth to the taxi drivers. Since it is such a long drive, I have plenty of time to see the driver's attachments and can untie the knots in the person's heart accordingly. Almost everyone realizes how good Dafa is after listening to the truth. Some drivers even stop the car and listen to me for hours, and still won't want to leave! They sometimes keep saying, "Falun Dafa is so wonderful!" Some drivers asked me for the book Zhuan Falun, and talk about how society is very chaotic and how hard it is to educate children. One person wanted to use the words in the book to educate his children to become good people. Some drivers talked about the beauty of Dafa, and felt like life was better after listening to the truth, and so on. Of course there are also a few who do not listen. Once I explained the truth to a driver, and after a while he said, "Do you know there's a reward of 2000 yuan for reporting a Falun Gong practitioner." I looked at him and saw his face becoming very strange. I realized the evil was controlling him, so I sent forth righteous thoughts and said, "I don't think you are the kind of person who would act against your own conscience for a little money. I won't cheat your fare one cent. I'm just telling you the real situation." He then quickly said, "Yeah, I wouldn't do such a thing."
3. Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal
In this relatively severe environment, besides clarifying the truth, I spend a great amount of time studying the Fa and practicing the exercises. I read two to three lectures in Zhuan Falun every day, and study all of Teacher's other lectures that were published after the persecution began, every week. As I studied the Fa more, I understood the Fa principles relatively clearly, and did Fa-rectification things quite smoothly, and the effect was good. During that period of time, many of my colleagues and friends got to know Dafa in positive ways. One story worth mentioning was in 2002, when one of my colleagues was admitted to Qinghua University as a graduate student. He came to my office to say goodbye before he left, and I told him that I had wanted to invite him over for a meal, but hadn't done so. Then I gave him a truth-clarification disc. Unexpectedly he became so excited that his face went red. He kept saying, "Elder sister thank you! Your gift is better than inviting me for ten meals. I will certainly have a good look at it at home, and let my spouse see it. I'll take good care of it so I can show my child when he grows up. 'Treasured sword comes from whetting, plum blossom fragrance comes from bitter coldness.' Passing through this persecution, it shows Falun Gong is great. Elder sister, don't worry, if I get a good position, and enter the 'National People's Congress' in the future, I will use my conscience to call for justice for Falun Gong." This incident inspired me to do even better and at the same time, I sincerely felt happy for this life.
For so many years, I have experienced that studying the Fa well and improving oneself is the essential key. When we improve ourselves, we are able to maintain a peaceful and compassionate state. Sometimes we don't even need to do anything purposefully. Sentient beings are still able to feel Dafa practitioners' wonderfulness and goodness.
A director of the internal control department in our workplace had poor health, and I explained the true facts to him. One time he came to my office and said, "If all Falun Gong practitioners in the whole world are like you and have your quality, then I will firmly support Falun Dafa." I quickly told him that I also have many shortcomings and still need to improve continuously. As Falun Gong practitioners come from different backgrounds, and have different understandings and abilities, and so on, many people have different good sides and bad sides, but one thing is for sure, that these people try to become good people, and better and better people. This is the most precious.
I have another example. Once, an elder sister at my workplace told me two days prior she had quarreled with a colleague in her office. Moreover, that colleague called her at home that night, they argued again, and said very coarse words to her. She was so angry that she couldn't sleep for the whole night. She planned to have a good fight with this colleague in front of the cadres on the following day, but when she saw me that day, her anger suddenly disappeared. All of a sudden she no longer wanted to curse or fight. This elder sister now has a good attitude towards Dafa, enjoys being with practitioners, and donates several hundred yuan to make truth-clarification materials each year. She said she fully realized that she had benefited from Dafa, and is fully aware that Teacher is watching out for her.
In the period around July 20, 1999, my husband did everything he could to oppose my practicing Falun Gong. He beat me till I was covered in bruises. When my "sentiment" was too strong and grabbed a hold of me, he scolded me daily. He said I was selfish and heartless. However, when I gradually learned to take sentiment lightly in my cultivation, he no longer said these things. Sentimentality is selfish and for oneself. It cares only about one's own feelings. However compassion is selfless and is for others. Other's feelings are regarded above your own. Compassion emerges when a genuine practitioner slowly puts down sentimentality in cultivation. Along with the improvement of my realm and the abandonment of my attachments, my husband began no longer acting like he did before. His temper is even much gentler than before I began practicing. He even treats his parents better than before. I usually give my seat to other people on the bus. When he was opposing my practice, he scolded me, saying that practicing had made me stupid. Now he gives his seat away too. My husband has a predestined relationship, so I believe he will be saved by Dafa for sure.
4. My Home is a Small Flower in a Growing Field of Flowers
In May 2005, several practitioners at a local materials production site were successively arrested by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). The site was destroyed, and this caused some fluctuations among local practitioners. These practitioners have done much work in the years of Fa-rectification, played a very important role locally in validating the Fa and saving sentient beings, and they were the first who bravely took on this heavy burden in this severe environment. As more and more practitioners stepped out to clarify the truth to people however, demands of materials increased. Practitioners who made the materials had heavier and heavier burdens. They didn't have enough time to study the Fa, and lost their normal practice environment for a long time. Hence, the old forces took advantage of this loophole. What's worse is that these practitioners are still detained and persecuted to this day.
We need to learn from this painful experience. Did the persecution of these practitioners have anything to do with rest of us? If we had become mature a bit earlier, cooperated a bit earlier, even quietly sent forth righteous thoughts for them, and quietly strengthened them, perhaps the persecution would not have occurred. If we were able to share a bit of the burden, if our materials production sites were in more places, these practitioners would not be too busy to study the Fa and practice the exercises. There may have been no loopholes for the old forces to grasp.
In July 2005, with help from fellow practitioners, I established a small materials production site at my home. From having the idea, to purchasing and installing the equipment, to the operation of the site, it took two to three days in total. When I took the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party disc I made to other practitioners, they were very surprised. They felt it was so quick. My understanding on this was, since I enlightened to it I should be able to quickly do it as long as I am aligned with the Fa. Thinking backwards and forwards is a human notion. Teacher has already arranged everything for us. It is up to practitioners to decide what we choose.
Teacher told us in "Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference,"
"Master affirms what Dafa disciples have done. As long as you are doing things out of a wish to validate the Fa and save sentient beings, I will affirm all that you do. And when you go do those things, there will be my Law Bodies or gods there to amplify it and make what you do yet more magnificent and extraordinary, and they will assist you."
Due to the conditions at that time, my first family materials production site was set up in a small, damp, one-story house, which had never been occupied before. It had a very heavy moisture and mildew smell. Furthermore, many sundry goods were piled up in the room. My living conditions were very good, with air-conditioning at work and home, and honestly speaking, if I was not making informational materials, I would be unwilling to stay in such place for long. This indicated that I had an attachment of seeking comfort. However in those days, I stayed in that room during lunch break and after work, nearly every day, and didn't feel the environment was uncomfortable at all. Gradually this little room became more and more warm and auspicious.
Along with the advancement of Fa-rectification and the abandonment of my attachments, the environment of my home materials production site became better and better. Now I can produce truth-clarification materials in a relatively relaxed and good environment. I can also access the Internet, download information, and send declarations for quitting the CCP, etc.
5. Clearly Analyze Insufficiencies, Strive Forward in Dafa
In this difficult environment, I rely on solid Fa study and solid practice. I am able to walk my path quite steadily because I make a priority of Fa study. Although there were times I had difficulty letting go of attachments, although I tripped and fell, my cultivation state could be seen as quite diligent. However in today's relatively loose environment, in this extremely precious time, I actually have idled for a while, and this has delayed much precious time for saving people.
Fellow practitioners give me piles of names of people who want to quit the CCP each week. I sincerely appreciate practitioners, and at the same time I can see my insufficiencies, and feel very ashamed. I look inward, find sentimentality, my attachment of seeking comfort and lust derived from emotion, as well as the attachment of not striving for advancement. That is also the attachment of complacency, and so on. This is also my shortcoming and a loophole in my practice. Meanwhile, I worry about losing face, and fear being hurt, which seriously blocks my steps towards saving people. These must be abandoned as soon as possible. I enlightened that the path arranged for us by Teacher lets us improve in the process of cultivation and saving people. If we merely clear away attachments, we might possibly be taking the path arranged by the old forces, which will make it even harder to give up attachments, and possibly will be accompanied by huge tests and ordeals. We can only follow Teacher's requirement of doing the three things well, and solidly practice in the process of doing the three things well. It "...truly points out those attachments. By abandoning them, one will make very rapid progress in cultivation." (Zhuan Falun)
There are many stories to tell. No language of the human world can express my gratitude to Teacher. I can only hope to be more diligent, and bring no shame to the mission, so I can complete cultivation and return with Teacher.