Eliminating Fear and Calmly Studying the Fa
(Clearwisdom.net) My work is a long ways from my home and family, so I am only able to visit my parents once every few months. I used to be able to study the Fa with no interference from my mother. However, since my release from a forced labor camp, she began to interfere, fearing that I might be sent to one again. I was aware that this was the result of my having fear. However, I still dared not to practice the exercises or study the Fa in front of my mother.
When I went home to visit my parents during the October 1st National Day, I was studying the Fa behind my mother's back. On the morning of October 1st, my mother was having a conflict with someone, and I heard my mother saying this during a telephone conversation, "He does not have the right to criticize me." Upon listening to her words, I felt it was Teacher trying to give me guidance, namely, others do not have the right to interfere with me because practicing cultivation is the most righteous thing. She said the same thing the next morning. I thought to myself that it was time for me to eliminate my fear.
One time when I was reading from the computer and studying the Fa, my ears were on guard for any movement made by my mother. I had my fingers on the mouse and was preparing to close the computer window as soon as she came over. Then I suddenly realized, "How could I study the Fa calmly like this?" Not only was my mind not on the Fa, my ears and hand were not on the Fa either. How could I study the Fa like that? How could I assimilate to the Fa while studying the Fa in hiding? Studying the Fa in hiding strongly interferes with my Fa-study and cultivation practice. Why was I not aware of it before? It looked as if I was studying the Fa and practicing cultivation, but actually, I was acknowledging this interference and not trying to break away, and this is not cultivation. I want to cultivate in an open and dignified manner. I thought to myself that if my mother came over, I would just study the Fa and not close the computer window no matter what. After a while, my mother came in to get something. She looked at the monitor and said, "So you are reading from the computer." She then left the room without interfering with me. She has also stopped interfering with me when I practice the exercises and study the Fa. I was able to pass this test and am able to study the Fa calmly in my parents' home.