My Experience Letting Go of Human Attachments and Overcoming Obstacles to Create Materials in My Home
(Clearwisdom.net) I learned and began practicing Falun Dafa, the universe's law which has rarely been found in human history, in late 1994, when I was 42. I had been suffering from seven or eight illnesses, and had a quick temper and a narrow mind before I obtained Dafa. After beginning the practice, all my illnesses disappeared, and Dafa's principles of "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" turned me into a healthy, rational, and wise person.
In 2000, Teacher told us to clarify the truth to people and save sentient beings. I knew that I should go out to do so, but my attachment to fear was too strong. I thought that I was always the "focus" of the persecution in our area because I had been an assistant at the practice site prior to the persecution. I had acknowledged the arrangements of the old forces unconsciously and was unable to go out for a long period of time, and I was very upset about it.
Teacher has told us many times to study the Fa well, and said,
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I enlightened to the principle that as long as I study the Fa with a peaceful mind, even the hardest trials or the greatest obstacles can be overcome, because,
"Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's mater. It is good enough if you have this wish." (Zhuan Falun)
When I didn't study the Fa whole heartedly, I had more difficulties and troubles in my daily life.
In the beginning, when I went out to distribute truth clarification materials, I often felt that I was being watched. My attitude was unstable, and I had a strong attachment of fear. When I left the materials at people's doors, my heart beat fast and my mouth felt dry. Nevertheless, I knew that I must do this no matter what because it was my responsibility to save sentient beings. As I studied the Fa more and recited Zhuan Falun, I began to go out more frequently, as my attachment of fear weakened.
I carried the truth clarification materials with me all the time, wherever I went. The quantity of materials was insufficient, however, due to limited places that produced them. Once I stayed at my daughter's house, and I had no other materials but a piece of a print-out. I looked for a place with photo copying services on the streets during one cold winter day, and when I finally found one, I made 40 copies of the print-out. At that time, I very much wished that I could print and copy truth clarification materials.
Once I had this wish, Teacher made the arrangement for me.
All my children had learned how to use computers, which made me want to learn as well. However, my human notions came up immediately: I was a 50 year old woman who had only a few years of elementary school education, and learning computers seemed to be an impossible task to me.
I didn't know how to hold a mouse and didn't even know how to turn on a computer. My children had great doubts in my capability of learning computers, and none of them was willing to spend time teaching me, as they thought it would be impossible for me to master the skills. In such conditions, all I could do was to pay attention to and try to memorize what they did when they were using computers. Then I tried to do the same things on the computer, and I asked them if I was unsure. Sometimes, however, I didn't even know how to ask about what I wanted to know, or I couldn't understand their answers to my questions. A few times I saved some good articles that I had read on the computer, but I couldn't find them later since I didn't know where I had saved them. From these kinds of seemingly simple questions, my children were often annoyed and I became upset.
In spite of the difficulties, I made up my mind to break though all the obstacles to learn computers as Teacher had said,
"Everything through the ages,
came about for the Fa"
("Just a Play" from Hong Yin Vol. II)
The skills I learned would be used for the work of Fa-rectification and saving sentient beings.
This happened to occur at the time that the materials site, which was run by a fellow practitioner who had been forced into a homeless situation, was destroyed by the police, and the supply of materials was stopped. It was time to find a new materials site. Fellow practitioners and I discussed this issue, and we considered who could afford it, and who could purchase a computer and produce materials. Many ordinary families were using computers already, and Dafa practitioners should use computers to do Dafa work, too. Later, two fellow practitioners bought computers. They didn't know how to use them at all in the beginning, but they overcame the problems and were able to access the Internet without restriction using software to break through the Internet blockade. They downloaded and printed truth clarification materials. They were able to accomplish this through studying the Fa well and with Teacher's strengthening. This was the first step to having material sites everywhere.
My husband didn't understand or accept the Falun Dafa practice at all (this may be related to my cultivation as well). He was an ordinary person who had been associated with the Chinese Communist Party for most of his life. I had never imagined that I could have my own computer at home. Teacher said in his article "Righteous Thoughts,"
"Dafa disciples are now sentient beings' only, sole hope for salvation."
I realized that since we were carrying out an historical mission, I should change the situation by requesting Teacher to strengthen me. I asked my husband to buy a computer for home because our son might need to use it after he graduated, and he agreed. Now I had a computer, and with Teacher's great support and the instructions of fellow practitioners and my children, I gradually learned to burn discs, download materials from websites and print and bind truth clarification materials. Not only can I provide myself with whatever materials I need, but I can also meet some of the needs of fellow practitioners.
As my husband doesn't understand the importance of creating these materials, I have to do it without letting him know. This may be due to my having not studied the Fa well and not clarifying the truth enough to him. In this situation, I can't produce enough truth clarification materials to meet the needs of Fa-rectification in the area, but I think as my righteous thoughts strengthen and the evil controlling him weakens, he will understand the truth some day. Currently he sometimes joins me in doing the exercises, or listens to me reading the Fa. This is because of the power of Dafa and Teacher's virtue.
I still don't know how to type on computers but I can use the hand-writing input pad to help fellow practitioners posting statements of quiting the CCP, and to send articles to the Minghui website. I am planning to learn to type as my next goal, in order to be able to do more Dafa work and save sentient beings. Now as I recall, learning computers wasn't that difficult as long as I did the three things well and broke though human notions. I believe I can do it.