Letting Go of My Attachments
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, Master!
Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I have practiced Falun Dafa for more than two and a half years. When I began, I had a very strong attachment to healing and fitness. I had suffered from both lung disease and liver disease. Lung experts told me that I would recover in half a year and that I needed to take a lot of medicine every day. Liver doctors told me that I had almost no hope of recovery. I had just about completely lost hope in life.
Fortunately, I met a Dafa practitioner. She told me many true accounts about healing and fitness through cultivation in Falun Dafa. She said, "This is the only way to make me get rid of disease." Although I then hardly believed in the supernatural powers of Falun Gong, I decided to try it anyway. With her help, I learned the five exercises. She told me that I must focus on studying the Fa and it wouldn't work if I only practiced without focusing on Fa study. Because I was not diligent in studying the Fa, I could not understand that learning the Fa principles is more important than doing the exercises. I often thought that healing and fitness were achieved through practice alone. How could studying the Fa reach this aim? Is it true? To be honest, I did not then firmly believe in Master and the Fa.
Therefore, I clung to my old notions and practiced the exercises every day, but as for Fa study, I just read a little. My mind was not calm while reading. Unconsciously, I considered reading the Fa a task that I had to finish every day; otherwise, I felt guilty. During that period, I did not think deeply about why I cultivate. I had never thought that I would follow our Master and return home. Every day, I cultivated myself with an impure heart pursuing healing and fitness. I kept doing the exercises and taking medicine. After four to five months, this routine did not have much effect on me. I didn't look inward, but started to doubt whether Master considered me his disciple and wondered why I still suffered from disease.
After I communicated with another practitioner, she said, "How strong your attachment is! Doesn't Master ask us to give up our attachments?" In fact, I knew the principle, so I decided to change my notions. However, whenever I had pain in my liver and lungs, I forgot all about cultivation.
In 2005, I attended the Fa conference in New York. For me, this was an important turning point on my cultivation path. The experience reports shared at the conference showed me how those practitioners firmly believe in Master and the Fa. I felt ashamed of myself. I decided to completely change my old notions. After I returned to Belgium, I started to focus on Fa study. The more I read, the deeper I understood why we are in this world and why I suffer so much. I decided to follow our Master and truly cultivate myself. I stopped taking all the medicine and going to doctor appointments. Eventually, I recovered very fast. I started to attend different Falun Dafa activities. Attending the activities, I was not weak, even if I had not eaten for the whole day. This had never happened to me before in my cultivation. I understood further what Master wrote in Zhuan Falun, The Sixth Talk, "Qigong Psychosis:"
"He has to truly cultivate himself, and he has to take character seriously, and only then when he really cultivates can he get rid of his health problems. Qigong isn't aerobics, and it's something higher than ordinary people, so its practitioners have to go by higher truths and standards. They have to do that if they want it to work. But a lot of people haven't done that and they're still ordinary people, so when the time comes they'll still get health problems."
These few sentences exactly pointed out my problem. In the early days of my cultivation, I only practiced without cultivating my xinxing.
After that realization, I experienced different tests. For example, my eye was injured and I could not see anything from it. I badly burned my leg. I fell down the stairs, and so on. Obviously, all these were tests. By truly believing in the Fa, I overcame the difficulties.
When I began attending Dafa activities, my fear was very strong. I even dared not to practice in pubic because I was afraid that other people would judge me. As I studied the Fa further, I realized my purpose for coming to this world. I knew the importance of saving sentient beings. I said to myself, "I must cherish all the opportunities that I have. Attending Dafa activities with fear cannot save people. The old forces will take advantage of my fear to interfere." Thinking in this way, I became more firmly resolved to participate in Dafa activities.
I am afraid of cold. When I attended a torture exhibition, it was very cold. I could hardly forbear it. Suddenly, one of Master's poems came to mind:
"Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions"A Great Enlightened One fears no hardship
Having forged an adamantine will
Free of attachment to living or dying
He walks the path of Fa-rectification
May 29, 2002 (Hong Yin II, Version A)
I recited this poem from time to time. Soon I no longer felt that cold. I experienced the great power of the Fa. Because I have the attachment of being afraid of cold, I always experienced this test. When I studied the Fa less and my mind was not righteous enough, I could not overcome the cold.
In February 2007, I was in New York City promoting gala tickets. I wore a celestial maiden costume and distributed flyers on the street. It was very cold. It was a big test for me. At around 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I found it difficult to continue. My neck and my feet started to hurt. All my human notions surfaced. I thought, "I came outside early in the morning at 6:30 a.m. I should go back to warm myself." But immediately I changed my mind. "What is the aim of coming here? Shouldn't I take this opportunity to save people? Why did I have this thought of pursuing comfort? Nothing can block me." Having just these thoughts helped me a lot.
My body felt very light. I did not feel very cold any longer. I talked about this with a practitioner who was with me. He said, "Master only looks at our hearts. As long as our thoughts are righteous enough, the evil cannot interfere with us." It was very strange on that day. I often felt that Master brings us the people who have predestined relationships in New York. Therefore, I was waiting. After a while, a man came. I felt that he might be interested in the gala. I went to talk with him. I am sure that Master helped me at that moment. Normally, I have difficulty expressing myself clearly in English. To my surprise, I spoke fluently on topics which made him interested in our gala. Finally, he decided to see the show. Later, another person came and took the ticket order information and said, "I watched the show last year. Since you said that the show this year's show is even better, I will go to order the ticket." A couple from France also came to ask for information and said that they would think about watching the show. I was happy for them to have the chance to be saved.
Saving a person can not depend on that person's appearance. While promoting tickets in New York one morning, I was walking on the street. I saw a man walking towards me. I thought, "From his appearance, it is unlikely that he will be interested in the gala. I won't speak to him about the gala in detail. I will just give him a flyer." Suddenly, however, a kind of power in my body drove me to talk to him. He listened to me very carefully, and finally he went to the office nearby to order a gala ticket. I realized from this experience that I really lacked compassion. If I always keep compassion in my heart, then I will treat everyone equally and I will give everyone a chance to know the Fa. Master gives the chance to all the people. He saves anyone, no matter their appearance.
My English pronunciation is not so good. This causes people to have difficulty understanding me. Therefore, I often feel inferior. This brings difficulties in both my study and truth clarification. Little by little, a fear had grown in my heart. When I communicated with others, I often worried whether they could understand me. I also did not balance my work and cultivation well. I always felt that my professor gave me too many tasks. Just having this thought makes me indeed have a lot of tasks. I often feel guilty because I cannot spend more time on saving sentient beings and I cannot do the three things well. The more I think in this way, the more pressure I have, and I know this state is not good. In fact, the old forces used my professor to give me a lot of tasks to prevent me from doing Dafa work, and I often used human thinking instead of righteous thoughts to deal with these matters. I now realize that as long as I do the three things well, the Fa will give me wisdom. My speaking English and my work should not present problems for me. In "Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference," Master said:
"I can tell you--everything of mankind today, including everything that has happened in history and the emergence of the Three Realms, exists for the Fa-rectification. In other words, everything was created for this Fa-rectification, everything came here for this Fa-rectification, and everything within this process was established for this Fa-rectification."
Aren't all the capabilities that human beings have given by the Fa? Fa-rectification is proceeding rapidly. If I do not take opportunities to save sentient beings and if I am always preoccupied with my own tribulations, am I a Dafa disciple? At the 2007 New York Fa conference, Master said:
"As Dafa disciples, if right now you cannot accomplish that and lead beings to salvation, then you will have failed to fulfill the vows you once made, and will have brought calamity to the entire Fa-rectification, the universe, and sentient beings." ("Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference")
I must remember what Master has said, be diligent in cultivation, give up all attachments and keep up with the progress of Fa-rectification.
The above is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
Thank you, Master!
Thank you, fellow practitioners.