Finally Learning to Genuinely Cultivate My Heart
(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. However, I often felt very ashamed because I had not cultivated myself well. After reading other practitioners' articles, I realized that I had been falling behind fellow practitioners. What caused my bad cultivation state? I recently came to understand that the reason comes from my attachment of fear. When the persecution of Falun Gong began on July 20, 1999, I became scared. Furthermore, I was not deeply aware of this attachment. In addition, I still had a lot of other attachments that had not been relinquished. Master said,
"The entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments." ("Lecture One" in Zhuan Falun, 2000 translation version)
When I let go of some attachments, I was able to understand the principles of the Fa at that level. I feel very fortunate to cultivate Dafa, and sometimes it is difficult to express that sort of realm when I do things according to the characteristic of the universe, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples should do the three things well. Only by studying the Fa and cultivating ourselves well, can we do the other two things better. My husband and I are both practitioners. With the help of fellow practitioners, we established a small Falun Gong materials production site at home. Nevertheless, I always had the fearful notion that the people who make truth-clarification materials would be persecuted more cruelly. At the start of our producing Falun Gong materials, because our xinxing failed to meet the requirements of Dafa, we came across a lot of interference. However, we did not realize that it too was a process of cultivation, and we had an attachment to doing things. At that time, we were trapped in the state of only doing things. Although my husband was in charge of making the truth-clarification materials, I pursued successfully doing things and did not let go of my attachments. He got angry with me when I mentioned technical problems that I did not know anything about. When I participated in producing the materials and something went wrong, he would blame me. At first, I was tolerant of this because I was afraid that the evil would take advantage of this loophole. Later on, he complained about me so much that I could no longer take it, and I immediately picked a fight with him. I complained about him to the practitioners who came to my home. Moreover, he often went out for recreation. Although I asked him not to do so, he never listened to me. Therefore, I wanted to let other practitioners try to persuade him. One night, when I was studying the Fa, he wanted to go out. I said, "You do not send forth righteous thoughts every hour, and yet you go out to waste time for a long time. Why don't you stay at home to study the Fa?" He replied, "Don't worry about me. When you do, I revolt against it. The more you say, the more I refuse to listen." Afterwards, he violently slammed the door and left.
At that time I felt very unhappy. Many of the practitioners admired us because we were both cultivators, and they thought that it was easy for us to cultivate. Why did he behave this way? What could we do if he continued doing so? He did not study the Fa with a calm mind, and did not look inward when he ran into conflicts. Wasn't this dangerous? Master taught us,
"If you do not want to practice cultivation, no one can force you--that would be the same as doing a wrong deed." ("Lecture One" in Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I should let go of my attachment to this issue. If he did not cultivate anymore, wouldn't I continue my cultivation? Therefore, I began to study the Fa with a calm mind and no longer focus on him. After I studied the Fa for half a page, the bad thoughts emerged again. Therefore, I continued to eliminate the attachment. As I continued to study the Fa, the attachment emerged three or four times. Since then I have not been affected by him when he went out.
One day, I suddenly remembered what Master taught us,
"You should always maintain a heart of benevolence and a mind of kindness." ("Lecture Four" in Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I had not always maintained a heart of benevolence and a mind of kindness. Instead, I thought that my husband was quite incapable of doing anything or was good for nothing. In addition, he did not allow others to criticize him, and his temper currently was very bad. I had felt in my heart that it was unfair, and I complained about him. At times, he said that my words were offensive and that I often glared at him, but I did not accept his claims. However, matter and mind are one thing. Since I had this thought, wouldn't my behavior also manifest it? During the past few years I have not truly cultivated myself.
"In practicing cultivation, you are not making real, solid progress on your own, which would effect great, fundamental changes internally. Instead, you rely on my power and take advantage of powerful external factors. This can never transform your human nature into Buddha-nature." ("Cautionary Advice" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I can not say that I have cultivated for many years, but I can say that I have studied the Fa for many years. I really have relied on Master's power. I have not cultivated myself solidly and fundamentally changed myself from the microscopic level. From now on, I will change myself fundamentally and do everything in conformity with the principle of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Since I have had this thought, I experienced a newfound joy.
"You're a cultivator, so why is it that sometimes you have lengthy arguments where you refuse to give ground? Why do you always say it's because of other people's attitudes? Why is it that whenever someone else says something you're affected? Aren't you supposed to remain unaffected even when someone verbally assaults you? Many of the factors that contribute to a conflict are caused by that thing at work. Whenever someone hits on that thing you become rash and worked up, your heart even starts to pound, and at that moment you don't think of being responsible to the Fa but just get angry and can't get over it. Some people always insist, 'My, how come that person always has such an attitude? Why is he like that with everyone?' And there are some people who say, 'Well nobody thinks too highly of him.' But if you ask me, your master, you're all wrong. When none of you are attached anymore to wanting to hear pleasing things, when none of you are affected when you're insulted, see if he'll still be like that. Exactly because you people have those attachments, there exist factors that hit on your attachments; and exactly because those attachments of yours are stirred up, you get irritated; when all of you have those attachments, the situation where everyone is irritated by the person who hit on their attachments comes about. If you can all keep a calm and steady state of mind while being assaulted by strong words, and you're not at all affected, then see if those factors still exist." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
Master clearly sees the whole cosmos, of course, including us. I not only have conflicts with my husband, I also have conflicts with other practitioners because of this attachment, which was not as noticeable. In fact, I was unhappy during the process and it was hidden deep in my heart and undetected even by myself. I liked to share with other practitioners who have similar understandings. Aren't I attached to wanting to hear pleasing things? Wouldn't this attachment make me feel hurt? As soon as I have a clear understanding on the Fa, the attachment of fear gradually disappeared. Furthermore, I am no longer affected by my husband's accusations. I think that only when we cultivate in an upright and dignified manner, can we deny the arrangements of the old forces. In the past, I was upset when he was making the truth-clarification materials. Nowadays, I realize that it was my own factors that led to his anger. As a cultivator, I should not accept something as it is; instead, I should dig out the roots of my attachments.
At present, when he runs into tribulations, I silently send forth righteous thoughts to help him. When he is producing truth-clarification materials at home, I go out to persuade people to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). As a result, the effect is obviously better than before. I have often heard from others, "How well you clarify the facts!" "What a good woman you are!" "Upon seeing you, I know that you are a good person. Which level of education you have received?" I replied that I graduated only from elementary school and that what I said came from Dafa. One day when I was on my way to meet a fellow practitioner, I met with a passerby who actively talked to me. In order to persuade people to quit the CCP I have always actively talked to them. At the time, I realized that this man is a person with a predestined relationship. Therefore, I clarified the facts about Falun Gong and persuaded him to quit the CCP right away. He said that the CCP was very vicious and that he never joined any of the party organizations. In addition, he said that he dared to speak to me because of my kindness. As a matter of fact, I did not smile because, at that time, I had not reached the level of being unaffected by anything. Since the fellow practitioner was waiting for me, I was somewhat anxious. However, I realized that my benevolence began to emerge.
Nowadays, when I persuade the CCP members to quit the Party, I say things like, "The dynasty will change, and this country is not stable. The CCP is bound to be eliminated because it is brutal." Afterwards, I enumerate several examples, such as, "The high-level officers of the CCP have also been savagely persecuted. The CCP launched the Tiananmen Square massacre on June 4, 1989 and the persecution of Falun Gong. The evildoings of organ harvesting are more brutal than Hitler's crimes. Why? The reason is that the CCP is possessed by an evil specter. Therefore, it is very cruel. If you do not quit the CCP, you will perish along with the CCP when heaven eliminates it. People have heard of possessing spirits or animals that willfully torment them. The evil specter possesses peoples' bodies, so you will perish along with the CCP when it does. However, if you quit the CCP, the evil specter will no longer possess your body, and then your life will be saved."
At the start of writing this article, I did not want to continue writing it because I felt that I did not cultivate myself well. At that time, my husband asked me to bring materials to a practitioner when I visited her. I promised to go at once, and I also planned to share with her about writing an article. After I arrived at her home, she told me that I should write an article. Then she was busy with a phone call. Later, several customers came, which did not allow me to speak. As a result, I left and returned to my home. I told my husband that I felt terrible because her field was not good today. The next day I continued to write this article, and when I wrote the quote from "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference," I came to understand that my selfish heart was touched upon. I realized that I considered my things most important, and I thought that my things should come first. What is cultivation? Anything can be cultivation. Isn't writing articles cultivation? Isn't doing Dafa work cultivation? Isn't the process of doing anything cultivation? We should cultivate our xinxing, and we should be considerate of others first in doing things.
How could I be anxious if I was being considerate of others? Sometimes when I did Dafa work, I forgot that it was cultivation and that there was the factor of improvement. I complained that her field was not good, and how was my field? I have not fundamentally transformed my human notions. In reality, I put myself first and forgot cultivation. I think we should remember what Master taught us and look inward when we encounter problems.