Looking Within to Eliminate Selfish Nature
(Clearwisdom.net) Eliminating selfishness has recently become one of the focal points of my cultivation.
One day before my day off from work I felt short of breath and tired. I thought it might be a result of working all day, and I did not pay much attention to it. However, the uncomfortable feelings became more severe and I eventually even felt dizzy. I realized it was not trivial. Nevertheless, my mind was empty, and I was feeling dejected and lost.
I tried to remind myself to be alert and not let odd thoughts interfere with my thinking. However, my head was filled with all kinds of thoughts. Questions I had about life many years ago returned. For example, what is the ultimate fate of human development? If life is a result of the thought of a higher being and will end as the universe disintegrates and becomes destroyed, what is the meaning of life? I felt profoundly sad and desperate, and even crazily thought that it might be better if there was no life at all. Deep in my heart I felt pity for myself. However, I did my best to remain calm and not let the strange thoughts circulating in my mind disturb my children and wife, due to my responsibilities as a father and husband. But my mind was in agony.
I felt a little bit better after taking a shower that night. As I sat there, my wife came over and asked, "Are you OK?" I said, "Yes, I am all right. Let's study the Fa." So we studied the Fa as usual. Gradually I remembered what I had focused on lately, namely, how to eliminate selfishness. Suddenly, a bright light rose from the depths of my mind. "Let me look within and see why I have these questions about life. Oh, isn't it a reflection of selfish nature? Isn't my thinking the same as the beings who try to interfere with Fa-rectification because they foresee the scenario of the old universe coming to an end, and try to save themselves, and thus have created the old forces as a result of their thinking?" It was as if I vividly saw the selfish nature of my life. I decided to eliminate it! Just as I realized it, the heavy feelings immediately disappeared. My main consciousness became very clear and became even more powerful.
I asked myself again why I was not able to distinguish between my true self and the emotions controlling my human side when these odd thoughts arose. Fa study allowed me to comprehend some Fa principles about the structure of life. I can now better distinguish between my true self and the other entity, and find my true self and maintain righteous thoughts.
The power of a few hours of Fa study is beyond words. I am delighted to share this experience with fellow practitioners.