Firmly Believe in Master and Dafa, Look Inside for Reasons and Completely Disintegrate the Evil Amidst Tribulations
(Clearwisdom.net) I have written this article about my experience of going through the tribulation of "illness karma" to share with and to encourage fellow practitioners who have similar tribulation experiences.
I learned about Falun Gong in October of 1994 and I walked into Dafa cultivation with strong attachments. At that time, I had several chronic illnesses, including uterine fibroid tumors , athlete's foot, rheumatism, and tracheitis. The most serious one was uterine fibroid tumors; I had abdominal pain and bleeding and I was bedridden for more than a dozen days each month. I could not go to work when it was serious. Almost all of the blankets and bedding in my home were stained with my blood. I had visited the gynecology department of almost all the hospitals in the city where I lived in and visited all the reputable clinics. They all said the same thing: that I had to have an operation, otherwise I would bleed to death one day.
After I started cultivating Dafa, those illness all disappeared. In the process of my eliminating the illness karma of uterine fibroid tumors, I had multiple bleeding occasions, the longest one lasting more than two months. Sometime while I was doing the exercises, not only were my pants soaked with blood, even my shoes were filled. Relying on my firm belief in Dafa and Master, I made it through the tribulation. I felt that I had passed the test of illness karma.
After Jiang's regime started persecuting Dafa, I was arrested, detained, and sent to a forced labor camp many times, and every time I was released because of illness. Although I was diagnosed by modern science with cancer, I knew that I did not have any illness, and each time I recovered quickly, glowing with health. Many people started believing in Dafa after seeing my physical changes.
In the afternoon of November 25, 2006, when I had just come in from outside, I suddenly manifested serious illness karma: I had intense cramping in my entire abdomenan unbearable pain that I had never experienced before in my entire life. It continued for seven or eight hours and on the second day, my abdomen was horribly distended, like having liver ascites. It was so painful that I could not move. I panted and did not want to eat anything, and I could not sleep. On the third day I started losing consciousness.
My husband, a fellow practitioner, told my situation to the local fellow practitioners. Fellow practitioners all sent forth righteous thoughts for me, and my husband as well as fellow practitioners came to my home to read the Fa for me. I started becoming clearheaded on the fifth day. I clearly understood that this was the persecution the old forces imposed on me and I should not acknowledge it. But because my righteous thoughts were not strong, I passed this tribulation with difficulty and it took more than 20 days. I knew in my mind that my passing the tribulation was because of Master's benevolent protection; I was given the opportunity to do well again and at the same time other practitioners like me could learn a lesson from my experience. My passing this tribulation was also a result of fellow practitioners' strengthening with righteous thoughts, which made it possible for me to learn the Fa and to look inside for reasons with an uninterrupted peaceful mind. It made it possible for me to finally break the old forces' arrangement of taking my life away. I was able to do the three things well as usual again.
Although I had passed through this tribulation, I had just started to diligently move forward. How to be worthy of the chance given to me again to do well, how to be worthy of fellow practitioners' efforts on my behalf, how to make up the losses to the Fa rectification and to catch up with Master's Fa rectification progressall of these presented me with higher requirements. I had the confidence and the power given by Dafa to do the things well that I should do.
I hope that more fellow practitioners can learn from my lessons. This is what happened.
Being numb, laid-back, and giving in to the old forces' arrangements
I was trapped in the mode of doing things alone for a long time. Even though I was doing the three things, I had fallen behind in the progress of the Fa rectification.
Master taught us,
"Today is the right time, so I singled it out. In passing, I will tell you that this thing has become quite pronounced for us overall. With some people it has gotten so bad that nobody can say a word about them. It looks like I can't go any longer without addressing it. Some people have become like matchesone stroke and they ignite. They're like land minesone step and they detonate. [They are acting like,] 'You can't criticize me. I can't take any criticism.' They no longer listen to any expression of disapproval or disagreement, whether it was meant out of good or ill will, was intentional or unintentional; they reject everything flat out, and even less do they examine themselves. It has gotten quite severe." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles" on February 25, 2006)
When I read this Fa, I felt that Master was talking about me and I also knew the urgency of discarding this attachment. However, when I encountered specific situations, especially with my husband, I had always failed to pass this test well. Now I am even more clear-minded: if one cannot overcome this test, he is not a cultivator and it will be really dangerous for him.
The article "Expose the Evil Happening Locally to the Local People (with Master's comments)" was published again on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website in May. During our sharing we talked about why Minghui had published this article again. We did not understand Master's Fa well and we did not do well. Expose the evil now is different from exposing the evil in the past in the sense that now we take the initiative to expose the evil to oppose the persecution and to save lives, while in the past, exposing the evil was passive and for opposing the persecution only. I made up my mind to write articles. But when I started to write, for various reasons I did not continue and finish. I was delayed again and again.
On October 24, 2006, Master's article "Thoroughly Dissolve the Evil" was published. I felt in the depths of my mind that the Fa rectification had progressed to a new stageto completely disintegrate the evil, to rescue all the illegally imprisoned fellow practitioners, and to save more lives. The time is urgent. After Master's "To the Australia Fa Conference" on November 18, 2006, was published, I also came to understand that Master took the opportunity of the Australia Fa Conference to point out that we had some existing problems in learning the Fa and this had already resulted in certain losses to Dafa. It had to be brought to our attention. However, although I had memorized some of Master's scriptures and had developed some understandings, I did not look deep inside for the reason and did not follow Master's teaching. If we are not following Master's teaching, can we say that we are walking the path arranged by Master? If we cannot do it well after Master has pointed it out clearly, aren't we following the path arranged by the old forces?
Reading the Fa for the sake of reading the Fa, with my main consciousness not really learning the Fa
For a long period of time, I only paid attention to whether I had read the Fa and how much I read each day. I did not pay attention to whether I had really learned the Fa, whether I had truly comprehended the Fa, or whether I had thought about the requirement of the Fa when I encountered problems. Sometimes an ordinary person's mentality prevailed in my thoughts but I failed to recognize it. More importantly, I failed to look inside for reasons when I encountered situations. Sometimes I lost my temper and sometimes I held my temper within with an unbalanced mind. I had paid attention only to the formality of learning the Fa.
Ignoring attachments and unknowingly accepting the evil's persecution
During one period, because I only paid attention to the formality of reading the Fa, I often had incorrect physical conditions. Since I felt that my doing the three things was not interrupted by the incorrect physical conditions, I did not pay much attention to it. The incorrect condition then kept escalating both in severity and frequency. Sometimes I also felt something was not quite right but I dealt with it using ordinary people's mentality. For example, when I did not feel right about my stomach I would eat less of something or have something warm to relief the discomfort. When I felt sleepy when sending forth righteous thoughts, I would increase my sleep time, etc. This gave the evil more excuses to persecute me.
This lasted until November 25, 2006, when my entire abdomen had such indescribable and unbearable pain. I had almost no righteous thoughts during the attacks of the pain; in one moment I would think about the fellow practitioners who had left this world; in another moment I would think about not acknowledging the old forces' arrangement; in a different moment I might think that it wouldn't be bad to leave this world early and might think that those who had left this world were free from suffering. I realized soon afterwards that those thoughts were not right and wondered whether those who had already died had acknowledged the evil's persecution this way. All my thinking followed these feelings, and I rarely thought about what the Fa had taught us. Therefore I understood the conditions of the practitioners who were in tribulation and understood further that true righteous thoughts are based on learning the Fa well and cultivating oneself well at normal times. I had often talked to others about the theories but why did I fail to be firm when it was about me? This was because I was not able to correct my every thought and acknowledged the evil's persecution, starting with smaller things and progressing to more serious matters.
After this tribulation, I developed a further understanding of Master's teaching about the seriousness of cultivation, the importance of learning the Fa well and looking inside for reasons, and the difference between doing the three things and doing the three things well. I further understood to treasure the chance to cultivate.
In tribulations one needs the Fa and to strengthen righteous thoughts
On the third and fourth days of my going through the illness karma, I could not take care my own daily life. When someone came to talk to me, I could not remember who I had talked to afterward. But when a fellow practitioner came over to read the Fa for me, I was able to listen with my heart and I can still remember that even today. When a fellow practitioner read the Minghui articles they had selected for me about how other fellow practitioners passed through illness karma, I was also able to listen and sometimes I would listen with tears running down my face. I found my gap through fellow practitioners. When I was in the tribulation, if fellow practitioners looked inside for reasons with a pure mind, I was also able to find many of my own shortcomings. But when fellow practitioners looked inside for the purpose of letting me look inside, I was not able to listen.
When all the fellow practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts for me and strengthened me, my pain was greatly relieved, and I was able to support myself to learn the Fa and to send forth righteous thoughts. I was also able to recall some principles Master had taught us about not acknowledging any of the old forces arrangements, and I was able to take the initiative to do the three things well. My experience is: Fellow practitioners who are in tribulation have difficulties accepting the accusations of others, but they have a greater need for a pure field and an environment of looking inside for reason.
Looking inside for reason is essential, "Remove your human thoughts and evil will naturally die out" (Hong Yin II) "Only then, with that, is it actually cultivation" (Hong Yin)
When I was able to study the Fa, I found my attachments that were hidden deeply. They included jealousy, the mentality of pursuing comfort, the mentality of strong resentment, and my affection toward family members.
When I found these long-term attachments, I had a true thought from the bottom of my heart that I wanted to do well. At that moment I really felt that Master had untied all of those for me in the nick of time.
At the present time, I am able to do the three things well. But what is different from before is that I feel time is more urgent; I treasure every opportunity for Fa study, every opportunity to look inside for problems, and every opportunity to do well. I pay more attention to correcting each of my thoughts and deeds according to the principles of the Fa, and I have a greater understanding of fellow practitioners who are still in tribulation.
Fellow practitioners, please remember the lessons of fellow practitioners who have had tribulations similar to mine! At the critical moment, let's do well what we should do and treasure the only chance in thousands of years.
Fellow practitioners, please point out any of my mistakes.