Denying the Old Forces' Persecution--Breaking Through the Illusion of Illness Karma
(Clearwisdom.net) Between late 2005 and April 2006, my father and mother passed away within six months of each other. These sad events threw me into a deep depression for many days. Although I studied the Fa every day, I still could not let go of my emotional attachment to my parents. Before long, I began to suffer from severe physical pain.
Fellow practitioners worried about me. They came to study the Fa with me, send righteous thoughts, and tried to help me find my omissions. But the key was in myself. Since I had a strong attachment, my health declined quickly. I lost all sensation from the chest down, I could not turn over in bed, and I needed assistance with simple daily tasks. I was in anguish. Soon, I lost control of my bowel and bladder functions and could not eat anything. My family members took me to a hospital on July 3, 2007. The doctors diagnosed me with advanced breast cancer. The cancer cells had metastasized to my liver, lungs, skull, ribs, and chest. Doctors told my family, but not me, that I might have five days to two weeks to live, at most. There was no cure, so the hospital would not admit me.
After the family's repeated pleas, the doctor reluctantly agreed to accept me. My relatives were in deep sorrow and could not stop crying. They secretly prepared for my death. Three days later, on my father's birthday, my younger brother and sister did not dare go home for fear that I might die at any time. I noticed their unusual expression and asked them why. They knew that they could no longer keep the facts from me, and they told me that I had cancer.
I listened calmly to the bad news and did not have any fear of death. On the contrary, I felt sad for people who live in today's society. I told myself, "I am fortunate enough to have become a Dafa practitioner. Even if I die, I am still a Dafa disciple." Joy filled my heart. But after the initial thought, a clear voice spoke to me, "You are a Dafa disciple. If you die like this, how can you fulfill your historical pledge? What was your mission when you came here? Have you accomplished it?"
Suddenly a shock wave went through me. It woke me up. I told myself: "I am a Dafa disciple and was created by Dafa and Master. I am here to assist my Master in rectifying the Fa and saving sentient beings. If I die now, I will be following the old forces' arrangements, so I should not die. No one except my Master can decide my fate. I can only follow the path arranged by Master. The old forces are not worthy of testing me. Yes, I still have attachments and human notions to eliminate. I will recognize them based on the Fa and improve. I will not allow the old forces to persecute me by capitalizing on my omissions."
I was delighted once I had gained this improved understanding. Although I still could not move, I spent all my energy studying and memorizing the "Fa." I also listened to Master's lectures. At the designated time every day I would ask my family members to help me sit up in bed, cross my legs, and send forth righteous thoughts. I was determined to do everything a Dafa disciple should do. A doctor told me that it was dangerous sitting like that because of the injured bones in my legs. I knew the doctor meant to protect me. But what he said does not apply to Dafa disciples. I kept repeating Master's teaching in "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be:" "But in reality, what human society takes to be truths are, from the perspective of the cosmos, inversions of truth."
After some time, the doctor told me that even if I did survive, I would never be able to walk again, but I did not believe him. I told myself that all these phenomena are false impressions, and I did not agree to any of it. I was determined to stand up and walk out of the hospital on my own.
During this time of intense pain I kept repeating Master's words with tears in my eyes:
"When it's difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it's impossible to do, you can do it." (Zhuan Falun)
"Cultivation is hard. It's hard in that even when a terrible calamity strikes, even when evil madly persecutes, and even when your life is at stake, you still have to be able to steadfastly continue on your path of cultivation without letting anything in human society interfere with the steps you take on your path of cultivation." ("Path" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I could feel that Master was with me all the time.
With Master's protection, my health miraculously recovered. I could gradually sit up and stand. Slowly, with other's help, I could walk. The cancer cells were all but completely destroyed. Doctors and nurses said that this was a miracle. My family members also agreed.
With Master's constant guidance and fellow practitioners' encouragement I passed this life-and-death test. This ordeal made me realize ever more profoundly that we can pass any test by keeping unshakable faith in Master and Dafa.