Our Children's Behavior is a Mirror
In my childhood, I despised listening to my mother talk incessantly, and I still do not like listening to my mother's chatter. After my daughter entered puberty, her personality changed to be more rebellious with a strong heart of defiance. I feared that she might turn bad so I frequently urged her to behave well. In my daughter's eyes, I am also a mother who talks incessantly. She very much loathes my caring about her.
For a period of time, I really couldn't find out what was actually wrong with our relationship. A good child who in my mind was clever and obedient in her childhood, now has changed to be so impervious. Today, when I sat in meditation, I realized many reasons why my daughter was unfriendly to me.
The child of one of my colleagues was extremely disobedient. My child was the same age as his child. My child was very sensible and clever so I couldn't understand my colleague's helplessness regarding his rebellious child. Today, my child's behavior serve as a mirror. It has enabled me to understand my colleague's innermost grievances in bringing up his rebellious child.
Second, until now, I have not been able to listen to my mother's words patiently. I felt what my mother said was all just some repeated chatter. I really couldn't bear listening to her chatter since I had my own opinions and innate feelings about what I should do. Looking at my child, she is also not willing to listen to my words. She dislikes my being too bothersome. She thinks she has already grown up and has her own ideas, and she does not need me to worry about her. My child's behavior again is a mirror of my own.
I now understand part of the reason why my child always treat me rudely. My child's behavior, actually, is to let me realize that this kind of prominent individuality with a rebellious point of view, words and deeds, is a manifestation of indulging in demonic nature and wickedness. It can harm others. At the same time, my child's behavior also forces me to experience and feel others' pain. It inspires me to be considerate of others in doing anything by putting myself in their place, by understanding them more with good intentions instead of being accustomed to using ill thoughts.
Above is my personal understandings, fellow practitioners please kindly point out any deficiencies.
September 01, 2006