Removing Our Fundamental Attachments
(Clearwisdom.net) The attachment to life is not always a life and death test for everyone. For example, senior practitioners might pay more attention to their health while young practitioners might care more about sentimentality. As for me, I was very sensitive with my reputation and myself. Before, I thought I was a person who didn't care for fame or physical interests. But in fact, being so sensitive with reputation shows my attachment to fame. I loved to hear praises and I didn't like to be criticized. I tried to show my best qualities to others while deeply hiding my shortcomings. To some degree, I cared for fame more than my life. Teacher has repeatedly asked us to tell other fellow practitioners of our bad deeds. However, I had been using various kinds of excuses to cover my attachment to fame. I now realized it had become my life and death test. Therefore, I decided to expose what I did on the Clearwisdom website.
During the year 2000, the evil was very rampant. I was attending college far away from home and I had lost my cultivation environment. I didn't know what I should do. I know the Fa is good and I never had any doubt about Teacher. However, I felt sad and helpless. Because of my attachment to fear, I didn't dare talk to my classmates or teachers about the truth of the Fa. Therefore, the evil took advantage of my attachment of fear and tried to pull me down. I didn't study the Fa or do the exercises for a long time. Before long, I had deviated from the Fa and slid down.
I had a boyfriend and I did something that a cultivator should never do. I knew I made a mistake and I tried to correct it. However, it was very difficult. Without Teacher's Fa, every approach that I tried didn't work. During the holiday recess, I came home and I read Teacher's recently-published articles. Teacher seriously talked about this issue and suggested that practitioners who made this kind of mistake tell other practitioners what they had done. I just couldn't do it. My attachment to fame was so strong that I tried to save my face. How would I be able to tell others such a shameful thing? How would others look at me? Can I still be a Dafa practitioner if I didn't do things that Teacher asked us to do? I didn't know what to do and I lost courage to study the Fa. I felt I would soon die and that it was no use cultivating since Teacher had given up on me. I was very frustrated and desperate. In fact, Teacher didn't give up on me. One day at noon, I suddenly had a thought reflected into my heart, "Since you thought you would die and you let Teacher down in the past, you need to make up for your mistakes while you are still live. You need to do what you can do to repay Teacher's benevolent salvation and assist Teacher with the Fa-rectification. You need to cheer up."
Immediately, I felt my whole body shake as if a thick shell that had surrounded me was exploded away. My heart became extremely light. I truly felt this. When I once again respectfully picked up the book Zhuan Falun, my heart was very calm, without any more wild ideas. I read all nine lectures in this state and every word was printed into my heart. I had new understandings on almost every sentence that Teacher said. I'd never experienced this before. I came to realize that Teacher didn't give up on me and Teacher has been encouraging me all along to today.
Several years have passed since and I have corrected my mistakes, however, my attachment to my reputation was still buried so deeply down in my heart that I was still unwilling to touch it. Therefore, I decided to write about what happened to me. Teacher gave me many compassionate hints until I finally came to know that as a cultivator, we can't be satisfied with correcting our mistakes. More importantly, we need to remove our attachments, especially the fundamental attachments that we have. When I decided to eliminate my fundamental attachment, I read Teacher's article "Pass the Deadly Test." I couldn't help crying since I found that every sentence Teacher wrote in this article was for me. I didn't see this before since I wasn't willing to look at myself according to the Fa. Cultivation is serious and there isn't much time left. I need to break through this deadly test. I need to get rid of this burden in order to cultivate myself in a dignified manner. I cannot miss this opportunity that Teacher gave me. In fact, as long as you are determined to do some thing, you'll find it not that difficult. It is difficult only because we take it as a life and death test. When I finished this article, I felt I had sunshine in my heart since I had exposed the evil to the light.
Please kindly correct me if I said anything inappropriate.