The Tremendous Change in Me after Four Months of Cultivation in Dafa
I'm a new Falun Dafa practitioner who started the practice in February this year. In a short 4 months, I've experienced great changes both physically and mentally. Today, I'd like to share how I obtained the Fa and my cultivation experience with everyone.
1. From atheist to Dafa disciple
Growing up in communist China, I was taught since my childhood that God didn't exist. I believed it and never questioned it. Even though, at times, I kind of felt that there were higher beings controlling human beings, I still thought it was too remote for me. The world we live in, the many beings in this world, who would even notice the existence of myself? So I always told people: "I was taught to believe in communism. After I realized that I was deceived, I couldn't believe in anything but myself."
However, all of this changed dramatically after two Dafa practitioners moved into the small town that I live in. I was never interested in or believed in any type of qigong before. In addition, the propaganda from the evil Chinese communist party and the fear of the dictatorship made me look at Dafa with prejudice. When one of my friends told me that she just met a Falun Gong practitioner, I immediately said:" Please don't introduce her to me. I'd better stay away from her." Nevertheless, our benevolent Master still created opportunities for me to get to know Falun Gong.
About two years ago, I started to feel pain in my knees when I walked around, and it got worse when I went up or down stairs. To ease the pain, I had to take elevators to go to a different floor at work. When the pain was severe, I had to go up the stairs at home on my knees. I went to see a western doctor, and the results came back to be very normal. The doctor could not explain what was wrong, but only asked me to take pain killers. I had no choice but to call around to find the Chinese medicine doctor I used to go to when I was in China. Since he couldn't see me to perform pulse diagnosis, I was only given a prescribed Chinese medicine to try. Although the situation got better, I still could not escape from pain from time to time. Later on, the pain extended to my fingers, ankles, and wrists. The whole body felt cold and in slight pain. At a young age, I very often felt cold on my back, therefore, I bundled myself up like an old lady. Worrying about my health deteriorating, I felt human lives were filled with pain and mishaps. I didn't know how to get out of it.
Of course, I met the Dafa practitioners eventually. After all, it's a small town, and very few Chinese people live there. One day, I was chatting with one of the Dafa practitioners. She told me that her allergy symptoms all disappeared after she read 4 chapters of Zhuan Falun. I was amazed and said: "Can I take a look at it?" She sent me a Dafa web link right away. Curiosity rose inside my heart. I wanted to know what kind of book it is. In fact, I was also curious about why they didn't use violence to go against the government after 7 years of persecution when they had many practitioners. But instead, they just clarify the truth about Falun Gong and talk to people about quitting the CCP.
When I turned on my computer and started to read the "On Buddha Law" of Zhuan Falun, for some reason, I was deeply bonded to it. It was touching somewhere deep down in my heart. The book opened a whole new different world to me. I had no time to analyze the contents, I just read the book as if it were an interesting novel. Some contents, such as spirit possession, placement of the mysterious pass, were too mysterious for me. I couldn't understand and believe them. However, the discussion of "Loss and Gain," prehistoric culture, "Transforming Karma" opened a brand new way of thinking about the meaning of life and why people get sick. The book easily answered all of the questions I'd been exploring for many years. I started thinking what it means to me.
The day after I finished 6 chapters, I woke up around 5'o clock in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. With my eyes closed, I started to think about what was said in the book while lying on the bed. Just as I was thinking some of the things talked about in the book were too hard to believe, something amazing happened. All of a sudden, I felt a strong energy field surrounding my body. Before I realized what happened, a Buddha appeared in front of my eyes. The Buddha seemed so pure and was looking at me with compassion. Even when I recall it now, I can still relive that moment. A few seconds later, the Buddha disappeared, and there were a few more scenes before me. I still cannot figure out what those scenes were supposed to mean to me.
All this happened unexpectedly, I was totally astonished. The atheist notions that lived in me for many years were completely washed away. In the next couple of weeks, my thoughts were not in order. The reason that I read Zhuan Falun was mainly out of curiosity, in addition to hoping that it will give me good health. However, I was not interested in any type of qigong, nor did I believe in any religion. Therefore, I did not expect a book could cure diseases. I was just reading a book, and there came a Buddha right out of it. My goodness, divine beings do exist? They also know that I was reading the book on the Internet? I never told any person or organization that I was reading it. All this was totally beyond my imagination. However, I clearly saw a Buddha and could not deny this fact. Does that mean what I believed for so many years was wrong? I could not help but read Zhuan Falun all the way to the end. After reading it a couple more times, my thoughts were sorted out and I came to realize that this was a precious book that could help me return to my true self. The human notions that had been with me for many years were then washed away. After a month of reading and struggling, I decided to start my cultivation.
2. Personal Cultivation
Since starting to practice, I have worked hard on cultivating. Besides studying the Fa and doing the exercises, I also try to validate the Fa in daily life. I try to do my best at work, and I do housework and take care of children at home without any complaints. My health used to be poor and I was lazy, so whenever I had to do housework, I complained about my husband not doing well and being lazy. Since I obtained the Fa, I not only stopped complaining, but also tried to do it more happily every day. My husband was very surprised at my change. He asked me: "I already got used to your bad temper and complaints. I feel weird when you change so dramatically. Is there something worse waiting for me later?" I immediately took this opportunity to spread the Fa to him, and explained to him it was Dafa that changed me so tremendously. He was very happy to hear this, and said, "How come you did not obtain the Fa earlier so I would not have had to endure your bad temper for so long? I should write a thank you letter to Falun Gong because it gave me a good wife."
I used to sleep at least 8 hours and still didn't feel good enough the next day. Now, I sometimes only sleep for less than 6 hours without any problem. This strengthened my faith in studying the Fa so I do more studies every day.
Ever since the beginning, I tried my best to balance my cultivation with my family life. Therefore, my husband understands and supports me to study the Fa. Occasionally, he feels jealous when he sees me spending too much time on Fa study. I will then readjust myself to pay more attention and give more care to him. Thus, we are able to deal with this new change in our life without big problems. The 2006 Toronto Fa conference was the first Dafa conference I attended. In order to minimize the impact of my absence from home during that period, I prepared lots of food that could last them for a few days before I left. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep the night before the Fa conference. The conference was a whole day long, and the most exciting moment was when I saw Master Li for the first time. After the conference, I had dinner with two friends who live in Toronto and told them the truth about Dafa and what was really happening in China. By the time I checked in the hotel, I was very tired already. But I still called back home and asked how they were doing without me around. I also remembered to buy them gifts at the airport. These all look like small things in life. But if you don't pay attention to the details, they not only impact what your family thinks of Dafa and its disciples, but also impact your future cultivation.
Finding the right balance between cultivation and family life comes from the level of trust you put in the Fa and Master. If you are unsure what you are doing is right, how could you expect your family to understand and support you. After I heard about the Fa conference in Toronto, my first reaction was that I wanted to go, but I didn't know how to bring that up to my family. That was the first long weekend in this summer, and my husband couldn't travel with me due to visa issues. I thought I could go with Chicago practitioners. However, when I heard that they would go to Indiana to join a parade during the day and drive to Toronto overnight, and attend the Toronto Fa conference the next day, I hesitated to go with them. Usually, I make my life comfortable when I travel. If it's too expensive to afford, I'd rather not go. When I was wondering whether I could endure the hardship, my husband didn't want me to go either. He asked: "Is it worthwhile to go all the way to Toronto just for a conference? You are practicing at home already." When my fellow practitioners got to know my concerns, they called other practitioners they knew to see if I could get a ride from someone driving to Toronto directly. They also explained the importance of Fa conferences, especially to a new practitioner like me. I realized the conference could help me a lot with my future cultivation. Wasn't the hardship a challenge to me? I made up my mind to go to the conference no matter what was going to happen. Two weeks before I left, something came up, and I needed to stay longer in Toronto to take care of some personal issues. As you may know, the airplane ticket would be very expensive if it is not bought early enough. I worried that my husband would complain about that.
To my surprise, situations changed along with the elevation of my xinxing. I unexpectedly found a cheap "last minute" ticket, and the departure/arrival time all matched my schedule. When I checked on the internet, there was only one flight to Chicago leaving at 6:40pm. The flight would just miss a long distance bus scheduled to leave Chicago to the town I live in at 7:00pm. I had to stay at the airport for 3 hours for the next bus. My husband offered to pick me up at the airport, but it would take at least 5 hours to drive back and forth. I didn't think it's a good idea to make my family sacrifice too much for me. I felt very happy about their understanding and support already. One more time, our benevolent Master helped me. When I was ready to buy the ticket online, a 4:40pm returning flight showed up. Taking this flight, I would be able to catch the 7pm bus, and I would be able to get back to home around 10pm. Everything worked out perfectly at the end. Thus, my husband had no reason to stop me from attending the conference. I realized the higher the xinxing, the greater power of Dafa one would see.
3. Fa Rectification Cultivation
I started my cultivation late in the Fa rectification period. When I realized that, I became worried and even complained why Master Li didn't arrange my cultivation earlier. The time left is very limited. When the truth about Falun Dafa is revealed to the world, and many Dafa disciples return back to their own world with our Master, what would I do? I may not be able to catch up with them even if I cultivated well. With all kinds of thoughts in my mind, I tried to study the Fa more diligently. Later I realized that I should not worry since I obtained the Fa already. Even if I could not reach consummation in this life, I could still continue cultivation in my future lives until I completed my cultivation path. These human thoughts could only prevent me from going back to where I came from before. Therefore, I threw them away and continued to do the three things Master asked us to do.
When I first told my friends and colleagues about the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party I didn't have a clear understanding myself. Consequently, I could not convince people to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations. I never had any good feeling about Chinese Communist Party, however, I was not up to the level of understanding of the Nine Commentaries. At first, I really couldn't comprehend why Communist Party members all had the mark of the beast on them. There were good people in the CCP, why did they deserve such a thing? This puzzled me for a long time. Not until I read Shakyamuni marked his disciples with srivatsa symbols did I come to realize that evil could put marks on its members as well. This analogy made my truth clarification effort easier. Of course, I still have a lot to learn from our fellow practitioners.
4. Getting rid of the attachment to fear
I was very attached to fear for no reason. I just couldn't control myself even though I knew this was one type of attachments that I needed to be get rid of. When I first started doing the exercises, I was so afraid that I couldn't exercise without lights on. I was afraid of seeing evil beings or scary scenes during my practice. I had to open my eyes whenever I heard any noise. Reading Zhuan Falun and cultivation experiences from other fellow practitioners on Minghui/Clearwisdom helped me gain a better understanding of Dafa and its boundless power. Gradually, I've gotten rid of the attachment to fear.
On the other hand, my fear of the evil Chinese Communist Party was hard to get rid of. I grew up in a very strict family and had great respect for my parents. Since my parents are still living in China, I always worry that my cultivation of Dafa will affect their lives. This inevitably makes me fear when I am involved in Dafa activities. When Chicago practitioners asked me to share my cultivation experience at this Fa conference, I couldn't make up my mind for a while. I knew I just encountered the toughest test in my cultivation. After all, it was Dafa that helped me walk out of the shadow of fear. I realized evil is ready to attack any practitioner's weak spot. If I have loopholes, the evil will use them to attack me. Instead of living in fear, I would rather do the three things Master Li asks us to do, throw away all the baggage on my back, elevate my xinxing, and pass the tests ahead.
Whenever I think of the changes that happened to me in the past 4 months, I still feel like that I'm dreaming. Without the boundless power of Dafa, without the help from Master and my fellow practitioners, I would have never awakened from the maze of life. Now since I got to know the true meaning of life, I shall treat myself as a cultivator at every moment and try my best to do the three things Master asked us to do.