Sharing with Fellow Practitioners Who Have Children
(Clearwisdom.net) My baby is now seven months old. Since he was three months old, he has been pretty hyperactive and cried a lot, especially when I sent forth righteous thoughts. As a result, my time spent on the Fa study became less, and I could no longer guarantee the time for sending forth righteous thoughts.
As the baby looks so lovely, I always enjoyed watching his face while he was asleep. At night when I lay down, seeing his little face, I often fell asleep while watching him without getting up to study the Fa. I planned to read a lot but often fell asleep. My attachment to the baby affected my determination in cultivating diligently, so I failed to do the three things well.
Because of my attachments, the interference from the baby has increased. Recently he cried even more and I had to hold him quite often, which made me almost unable to study the Fa. At night he only wanted me to hold him. When I finally put him to sleep, he woke up within half an hour. Several months ago, I could make use of the nighttime to study the Fa and practice the exercises. But later even at night I was not free, as the baby kept waking up and crying at night. Later he would not stop crying unless I sat up and held him in my arms.
I saw the seriousness of this matter. What should I do? He caused much interference, and I thought of eliminating the evil elements causing this interference for me. So I often sent forth righteous thoughts together with my mother to eliminate the interference behind him, but we did not see much effect. I looked within, what was the problem with me, which attachment of mine has caused such interference? I couldnt find it straight away. Did I have too much sentimentality towards my baby? I didnt think so. I was not overly attached to him, and it is reasonable to care about the baby. Before, I was always attached to looking after the baby by myself, and was unwilling or fearful to send the baby to my mother-in-law. I worried that he would become selfish if he stayed with her. But recently I have also eliminated this attachment. So why does the baby still cry so much?
Two days ago, I went with my mother to a fellow practitioners home and happened to meet several practitioners who were all there. One practitioner told a story. There was a person who had so much indulgence in her child that none of that childs desires were kept unfulfilled since a young age. Later the child wanted to buy a skirt but the mother did not buy it for her. The child could not bear it and committed suicide. Since from a young age, all of her desires were satisfied, when her desire to buy a skirt was denied, she committed suicide. Overindulging ones children and satisfying all their desires only further strengthens and develops their desires, and actually harms them.
Did I treat the baby in a similar way? Whenever he cried, I immediately held him and tried to comfort him, which kept strengthening and reinforcing his habit of being held. Even according to ordinary peoples principles, this is not good, as the child would be overindulged. But as a cultivator, my indulgence of the child made him more unsettled, so that he almost does not sleep, cannot get away from my arms, and requires only me to hold him. He does not allow me to have any time of my own at all.
I know the real reason is that I failed to give proper priorities to Dafa and the baby. Doing the three things well cannot be interfered with by anything. Even if the baby cries, I should do the three things well. It was because I always failed to prioritize this well.
The words of several fellow practitioners helped me see my attachment to the baby. After realizing this, I became more determined. When sending forth righteous thoughts, however he cried, I remain unmoved and was firm in sending forth righteous thoughts well. I let the baby play by himself. I study the Fa and make sure to do the three things well.
The other day several practitioners studied the Fa together and sent forth righteous thoughts every hour. We also specifically sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference behind the baby. When sending forth righteous thoughts for the first few times, he cried so much that he sweated a lot. But I prioritized well and was determined to do what I should do well. That day he indeed cried a lot. I was firm in sending forth righteous thoughts and did not hold him until after sending forth righteous thoughts. I firmly studied the Fa and let him play by himself. Sometimes I also held him and listened to fellow practitioners reading the Fa.
That night, we slept at a fellow practitioners home. The baby slept through the night and did not cry. It was so amazing. Furthermore, since then, he has gone to sleep very early and often sleeps through the night. In the middle of the night he was breastfed once or twice, and he sucked quietly. Before, my breast milk supply was always not enough, but since that day, it has been unexpectedly abundant. When I study the Fa, he plays by himself and no longer cries. When I send forth righteous thoughts, he almost never cries. Occasionally when he cries, I just dont get too affected and concentrate on sending forth righteous thoughts first.
The baby turned out to be well-behaved, and it is such a miracle. Since that day, he has indeed totally changed. Sometimes in the morning when I wanted to sleep a little bit longer, he would cry and I would get up to study the Fa. Then the baby would stop crying. He reminds me to cultivate diligently, and it is indeed that:
"After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!" (Zhuan Falun)
I reminded myself that Master has taught that
"When disciples have ample righteous thoughts
Master has the power to turn back the tide" (Hong Yin II)
Actually, in the past, the babys being unsettled was due to my failing to prioritize well and not cultivating diligently. Now my situation is as if I did not have a child, and Ive got enough time to do the three things well. When I do not do well, the baby will remind me with his crying, and when I do well, he will quietly play and sleep by himself. He sleeps so well; even when he has had enough day naps, he continues to sleep at night. Dafa is supernormal; when I do well, miracles can happen!
We still need to look within to find out our gaps. I wrote down this experience of mine in the hopes of providing some help to fellow practitioners who might be in similar situations.