Finding My Shortcomings While Reciting the Fa
(Clearwisdom.net) Not too long ago my husband, who is also a practitioner, agreed with me that we should encourage each other to recite the Fa every day. We started from Lunyu on that first day with each of us taking turns reciting one sentence. Though I could remember Lunyu easily before, that day I kept stopping. After this attempt at reciting, my husband told me, "Why don't you look inwards, with a calm heart, and see if you can find reasons why you stopped at those sentences."
I remembered the first time I stopped it was while reciting: "...who merely study theories." As Master told us in Essentials for Further Advancement II:
"Some people think that Dafa is in keeping with their own understanding of science; some people think that it agrees with their own code of conduct; some people think that it speaks to their own dissatisfaction with politics; some people think that Dafa can salvage humankind's degenerate morals; some people think that Dafa can cure their illnesses; some people think that Dafa and Master are righteous, and so on and so forth. It isn't wrong for human beings in this world to yearn with these attachments for beautiful dreams and wishes. But a cultivator definitely shouldn't be that way. You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven't gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa." ("Towards Consummation")
I looked back carefully and remembered when I first obtained the Fa. I said to myself this is truly a great book telling me the true meaning of life and answered many of my unanswered questions about life. I also learned that there were so many good people willing to cultivate to be better people in this world, and I was so excited and touched by this. It has been three and a half years since I obtained the Fa. On the surface I participated in many Dafa activities and projects, yet I felt my xinxing improvement was slow, and the physical purification of my body did not occur many times either. I realized the sentence I stopped at while reciting the Fa pointed out exactly my problem in cultivation. It was that I studied the Fa with a human heart and the pursuit of learning knowledge. Thus, I did not meet the standard to be a true cultivator at all. Master told us clearly in Zhuan Falun,
"The above are the two reasons for not being able to increase gong. Without knowing the Fa at high levels, one cannot practice cultivation. Without cultivating one's inner self and one's xinxing, one cannot increase gong. These are the two reasons."
Facing the greatest Fa, why could I still not let go of my human attachments?
The second time I stopped, it was at the word "human," such as "...it cannot travel beyond this physical dimension in which our human race exists" or "...only 'the Buddha Fa' has been able to perfectly provide a clear exposition of humanity, every dimension of material existence, life, and the entire universe."
Prior to obtaining the Fa, I was a serious person with a set of standards about dealing with people. My standard was that people who were nice to me were good, and people who were not were bad. I did not realize that I fell into a human notion and did not know the true good or bad. After I obtained the Fa, though, I knew I should be nice to others. However, I could not be tolerant of others. My face and tone was always cold and I did not know how to show a benevolent attitude when I was the coordinator of our exercise site.
My husband once joked to me, "Are you a Dao? How come you almost hit people when teaching them?" Because of this, many fellow practitioners discussed finding a different coordinator. At first I thought, "Master said coordinators are not leaders, you can find whoever you want, I don't care, I don't believe you could find another person who is as responsible and enthusiastic as me." I did not see my own problems and I tried to protect myself from criticism and blame others who did not see my contributions. I felt embarrassed about my behavior.
A cultivator is a person who continuously improves his xinxing and level, truly letting go of the attachment of differentiating self from others or putting oneself at a higher level than others. A practitioner should always consider others first by cultivating firmly yet gently. Only by studying and assimilating to the Fa, having faith in Master and looking inward and cultivating solidly, can the practitioner achieve a higher standard.