Upgrading My Xinxing and Defeating the Sickness Demon
(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Dafa in April of 1996. In June or July of 2005, one side of my head suddenly became very painful. I also started to cough. The symptoms became more severe in October. I had difficulty breathing, and I was completely winded after climbing the three levels of stairs to get to my apartment. My family urged me to go to the hospital for tests. Seeing how worried they were for me, I succumbed to my qing. To keep them from worrying for me, I agreed to have an exam. However, my going for this exam was actually following the old forces arrangements, instead of walking a righteous path.
A CT scan was performed first. The doctor said that the results were unclear, so he needed to inject me with some medicine to increase the clarity of the scan. I agreed, thinking that the results would show that there was nothing wrong with me. I didn't ask about the results of the examination, but my family members looked very worried, so the results must have been bad. Later, I learned from other practitioners that I was diagnosed with "late stage lung cancer." I was not affected by this news, nor did I acknowledge it. I believed that it was evil interference. My family contacted the hospital and found a specialist for me, but I refused to go. My husband was so worried that he tearfully said, "Our family will be finished without you." He called our son home early from his business trip. My husband also called our nephew to come to our home from another city. The whole family rallied together to try to persuade me. My nephew said, "It is normal to go to the hospital when sick!" I said, "Yes, for everyday people it is normal." He asked, "Aren't you an everyday person?"
At this time, my 8-year-old granddaughter who was playing nearby said, "Let me have my say: "If everyday people score 80 out of 100, my grandmother can score 90. Although she can't score the highest, she is not an everyday person, either." My nephew said, "Then let's compromise. You can go to the hospital, and do the exercises at the same time." My granddaughter said, "That would be like trying to step on two boats at the same time. You can't progress at all like that. Going to the hospital means that you don't have confidence in your health." As her mother tried to continue her persuasion, my granddaughter was so anxious that she burst into tears. She said to the entire family, "Why don't you give a free rein to my grandmother? Why won't you let her decide her own affairs? How can you know her physical state better than she does?"
I was deeply moved by my granddaughter's quick words. Although she had been living in a cultivation environment, memorizing Lunyu and Hong Yin, and listening to stories about Falun Dafa from me, she had never really cultivated. Yet she was able to speak such words based on the Fa. I instantly realized that it was merciful Teacher helping me. Teacher was giving hints to me through the child's mouth. It was Dafa's power. Teacher said,
"Every test or tribulation is related to the matter of either progression or regression in cultivation."(Zhuan Falun)
Several fellow practitioners were also very concerned about whether I could maintain my xinxing. They kept sharing with me and strengthening my righteous thoughts. They also clarified Dafa principles to my family. When my family members saw that I was very firm and determined, they gave up the idea of sending me to the hospital, and began to fully support me in doing the three things. Other practitioners suggested that we form a Fa-study group, as this was the cultivation form left by Teacher. They continued to help me strengthen my righteous thoughts and deny the old force arrangements.
As I had already had wrong thinking in allowing the hospital exam, I was taken advantage of by the evil. After the examination, my symptoms worsened. I kept coughing and spitting, and my head pain was so severe that I couldn't lie down to sleep at night. For two months, I had to sit on a sofa and try to fell asleep while sitting up. During this period, the article, "Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005" was published. Teacher said,
"The principles of cultivators and those of ordinary people are opposite. Human beings believe that a life of comfort is a good thing, while Dafa disciples believe that having everything be so easy is a bad thing when it comes to their improvement and that discomfort is conducive to improvement."
Teacher's words enabled me to reevaluate my suffering correctly, and gave me the strength to overcome the persecution.
Through this tribulation, I also gained deeper understanding about "Dafa Disciples' Righteous Thoughts Are Powerful." Before this tribulation came, whenever I sent forth righteous thoughts, the evil would appear and laugh at me in a defiant manner. The evil dared to be so arrogant because my righteous thoughts were not strong enough. After we set up the Fa-study group, my righteous thoughts progressively became stronger and stronger. Once, when we began sending righteous thoughts together, I saw myself sitting at a high altitude, as high as a big building, with my hands folded in the jieyin position. When looking down, I saw a middle-aged woman trying to look up, but she couldn't see me. Then I rose higher and flew to a more remote place. It felt extraordinarily wonderful. The middle-aged woman I had seen was actually the evil manifesting with a different image. It had intended to interfere with me. However, as my righteous thoughts were now very focused and strong, it couldn't reach me. Several days later, when we sent righteous thoughts together again, I felt a young man trying to approach covertly. I realized it was another manifestation of the evil, coming back to interfere again. When I saw him, he was already retreating, and was more than ten meters away from me. While retreating behind a wall, he shook his hand and said to me smiling, "We are going, and will never come back." I said, "If you come again, Dafa will disintegrate you." I had previously been cultivating with my third eye closed. Seeing these scenes greatly encouraged me to strengthen my righteous thoughts at all times. It was just like Teacher said,
"As soon as your thoughts are righteous, the evil will collapse."( "What Is There to Be Afraid Of" from Hong Yin II, provisional translation)
While feeling this constant encouragement from Teacher to defeat the sickness demon, I tried to understand why I was being interfered with so intensely, despite the fact that I had been cultivating for ten years. Though I had not been very diligent, I had been persisting in studying the Fa, doing the exercises and doing the "three things." Teacher said,
"Whenever there is interference of one kind or another in qigong practice, you should look for reasons within yourself and determine what you still have not let go."(Zhuan Falun, official translation)
Then what hadn't I let go of? I started recalling the process of my cultivation. I hadn't encountered any huge tribulations in the past ten years. My cultivation had been very smooth, and I had never really needed to look deeply within. Some of my attachments were still deeply buried. My fundamental problem was that I hadn't let go of my attachment to illness. Sometimes my lower back felt so uncomfortable that I could not move without pain. There was also a period of time when the corner of my right eye glowed abnormally. Some people said that this could be the retina separating from my eye and that I would probably lose my eyesight. I became very afraid. After my head pained me for several months, and my righteous thoughts failed to improve the situation, one thought came to my mind: "Has anything bad grown in my head?" I felt frightened; but I knew I should not go to the hospital to check. I was often in a perplexed state. This situation showed me that my faith in Teacher and Dafa was not firm enough. I only wanted to eliminate the interference by sending righteous thoughts. I didn't search for the reasons why I was interfered with, nor did I cultivate my xinxing. Because I didn't let go of my attachments, the tribulations came one after another. Teacher said,
"When you meet with a little bit of hardship or a little something here and there, you can't make it through. And when eventually it accumulates to a very large amount, it becomes a major test, and that test is one you can't pass without letting go of [the attachment to your] life." ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005," official translation)
My situation was just like this. Because I didn't do well, the evil took advantage of me and created this huge tribulation for me.
After enlightening to these Fa-principles and discovering my fundamental attachment, I felt light-hearted and clearer. My faith in Falun Dafa was strengthened. As I still couldn't fall asleep at night, I woke up at 3 a.m. to do the exercises, send righteous thoughts and study the Fa. When reading Zhuan Falun again, I felt a kind of warmth which I had never experienced before. Every sentence and every character in Zhuan Falun was so precious and comforting. I didn't want to put the book down after picking it up. Although I didn't sleep well during those days, couldn't eat much, still suffered bad headaches, and felt so dim and faint everyday that I didn't have strength and could hardly walk for more than several steps, I persisted in going out to deliver truth-clarification material. I felt that deep within I had a store of endless energy.
"Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change."(Zhuan Falun, official translation).
Because I studied the Fa diligently and dug out my fundamental attachment, my righteous thoughts were strengthened. On the morning on January 9, 2006, I suddenly felt that everything was fine with me. The disease which had been torturing me for two months had disappeared without a trace. I could eat and sleep normally again. It was just like what Teacher said,
"When disciples have sufficient righteous thoughts, Master has the Almighty power to turn the cosmos around." ("Grace between Master and Disciple," Hong Yin II, provisional translation, subject to improvement)
It is thanks to Dafa's mighty power and magnificence, and merciful Teacher that I have a second life now. From now on, I will do the three things well and not let Teacher down.