Dig out the Root of Selfishness and Stay on the Righteous Path of Returning to One's True Self
(Clearwisdom.net) I have been practicing Falun Gong since July 1998. During the persecution, which began on July 20, 1999, I have done the three things required by Teacher. I have been able to persist in group Fa-study and save as many sentient beings as I can. My husband and two children have witnessed the miracle of the Fa--all the diseases I used to suffer from completely disappeared after I practiced Falun Dafa. They are supportive of my cultivation and effort in clarifying the truth. In such a positive environment, I was able to do many Dafa projects. Fellow practitioners praised how good my enlightenment quality was and my ability to cultivate diligently. I also felt that I was on the righteous path under Teacher's protection.
Cultivation, however, is a serious matter--the evil will try to take advantage of us once it sees our attachment, no matter how small. Beginning in 2000, some psoriasis-like symptoms of a burning itch developed on one of my legs. Over the last few years, it spread from one lower leg to the thigh and eventually to both legs. I clearly knew this was persecution by the evil. But, how could it persecute me? I tried to look inward to find my attachment, but to no avail. Once in a dream, Teacher hinted to me that I shouldn't cover my dirty thing up. But what is the dirty thing? I was digging for it bitterly.
One day, two fellow practitioners were sharing cultivation experiences in my home, and they had a big disagreement. However, I didn't say a word because I was worried that whatever I said might offend them instead of solving the problem. That night, I had a dream that two people were naked and smelled very bad, and each of them were sitting in a bathtub filled with clean water.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun:
"Our practice has a focus and truly points out those attachments. By abandoning them, one will make very rapid progress in cultivation."
Witnessing the conflict between the practitioners hinted to me that I had an attachment to eliminate. However, instead of finding it, I ignored it. My motive for doing so was selfishness--I was trying to cover up my big selfishness. Self-concern is the way of the old universe.
After reading the "Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party" and looking back at my personal life, I was able to dig out the root of my selfishness. I had spent 30 of my 50 years under Mao's regime of "fighting with the sky, fighting with the earth, and fighting with man" as the guiding principal in life. For 20 years, I had been a member of the Communist Party and had established the habit of protecting oneself first in any circumstance. Fearing being falsely charged, persecuted, or "trapped in a plot," I discarded the truth and my conscience, and hid behind my selfishness. My creed was "don't make trouble or care about anyone else." Other people who shared the same ideology as me, thought I was right. But as a practitioner, my behavior was horrible. When I saw fellow practitioners' shortcomings, I would not point them out. I was neither responsible to my fellow practitioners nor to the Fa. Then how could I be called a Falun Dafa practitioner?
The deeper I dug, the more shameful I felt. After I exposed this attachment, Teacher encouraged me by repeatedly purifying my body. The psoriasis-like symptoms gradually disappeared. As I continued to study the Fa, I was able to enlighten to more hints from Teacher. Afterwards, I felt my body lighten when I sent forth righteous thoughts.
"The Fa can reveal all attachments, the Fa can eradicate all evils, the Fa can expose and dispel all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Deter Interference" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I will correct each of my thoughts, conduct every word and behavior according to the Fa, thoroughly eradicate the root of selfishness, and stay on the righteous path of returning to my true self.