Removing my Attachment to Jealousy
(Clearwisdom.net) My in-laws had always favored my husband's brother and his family, which made me feel very uncomfortable. At the beginning, with constant Fa study, I was able to put up with it and pass various tests. For instance, my sister-in-law sometimes would scorn my child right in front of me, or she would brag about her fashionable hair style and clothes and pretty face, or my mother-in-law would give her child a box of soft drinks but not mine...If I had not controlled myself, I would have started a fight with her. But I managed to pass these tests.
However, I did very poorly dealing with another family issue. My husband's brother borrowed 2,000 yuan from us. After a long period of time, however, he still did not show any sign that he was going to return the money. I was very upset and often complained to my in-laws, who were very annoyed by me and sided with him instead of me. I felt I was extremely wronged and was suffering great injustice. All kinds of attachments popped up at that time, including anger, jealousy and chagrin. Unable to find a place to vent my anger at home, I went around complaining to my fellow practitioners. Now looking back, I realized I was also interfering with other practitioners at that time. I am very sorry for that. During that time, I also had a very tense relationship with my husband.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun, "If jealousy isn't eliminated, all the thoughts you've cultivated become fragile." That's exactly right. When there was no conflict, I felt I was doing very well in cultivation. However, once conflicts came up, I found it extremely difficult to let go of attachments.
Later through studying the Fa and sharing experiences with fellow practitioners, I felt calm again. I was no longer occupied with family issues. I hope fellow practitioners who have the same attachment of jealousy as me will remove such an attachment as quickly as possible. "Today I'm telling practitioners: stop turning a blind eye to your problem. Your goal is to cultivate up to higher levels, so you have to get rid of jealousy. That's why I've singled it out." (Zhuan Falun)