My Understanding of "Compassion" and "Forbearance"
(Clearwisdom.net) I often hear from practitioners or read on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website that we need to write about our cultivation experiences and share our understandings. However, I felt that I didn't have much to share and therefore hesitated and procrastinated. Recently, I read articles from the Third Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China that emphasized how to overcome the notion of not writing experience-sharing articles. I knew that it was not a coincidence and decided to write an article.
My wife is not a practitioner. She is impatient and likes to point out my faults. I have to do everything the way she wants it done, otherwise, even when the work is completed the way she wants, she is still not satisfied. For instance, when cleaning the floor, I have to start to clean from point A to point B. If I do it any other way, I will be in trouble. I warm her breakfast and she rarely touches it. When I don't warm it for her, she says that I don't care about her. She is very difficult to get along with. Simply put, no matter what I do, it is wrong.
One morning I was late taking our child to day care. Usually I am the one to remind her to hurry and get ready, but she ignores me and complains. This time, my wife turned around and said, "Why don't you hurry up? You'll miss the bus again." I was upset, too, and said, "I told you many times to hurry and get ready, but you didn't listen. Now you are complaining about me."
Teacher says that cultivators should not get angry. I was only a little upset, but being upset cannot solve the problem. She would not listen to anything I said about her mistakes and would not take corrective action, but complained about me instead. There were many instances like that. As a result, we sometimes did not talk to each other. When I did talk to her, she ignored me and was in a bad mood. What else could I do? It was a dead end.
I thought about that incident carefully. If I had tried to hurry up a little, even though I might still have missed the bus, my effort would have stopped my wife from complaining. Then I thought, "It was really her problem." If she did not want to make any changes, whether I hurried up or not would not make any difference. So I was back to square one--a dead end.
Then I thought about it from the basis of the Fa. Forbearance means that your heart should be unmoved. According to that understanding, even if my wife misunderstood me, I should still put her feelings first. It means that I should be good to her the first time, and I should still be good to her the second time. After that should I say, "Just forget it"? What does Teacher do? Teacher tries to save sentient beings. Even when some of them curse him, Teacher is not moved and continues to try. I, however, would be moved after a few times. From a certain perspective, that is a difference between human beings and gods. Human beings are also compassionate, but after failing a few times, they give up. Gods, on the contrary, continue to do what they intend to do.
Once I understood that, I realized that I have more options. I don't need to think about how my wife will react. Basically, she wants me to treat her well, and her temper, no matter how bad, is a reflection of my compassion. I did not like to do housecleaning or to fold laundry. Not because I was lazy, but because no matter how I tried, it still would not suit her and I felt it was a waste of my energy. Now, I often take the initiative to clean the house, and she is quite happy and forgets to find fault with me. Due to the change in my understanding, she has become more tolerant. That is the power of Dafa!
Looking back, enlightening is very difficult. Sometimes you know the problem but cannot find a solution. Only by studying the Fa diligently and thinking from the standpoint of the Fa can you find the answer, because then Teacher will be able to help you. I would like to tell other practitioners that, when you run into problems like mine, don't be discouraged. Try to understand it from the Fa, find your attachments and upgrade your xinxing, and then your problem will be solved.