Further Giving Up My Own Attachments While Helping My Wife Handle Conflicts Like a Cultivator
(Clearwisdom.net) My wife is not yet a practitioner. At first, she opposed my cultivation. She misunderstood Dafa, especially after being poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party's slanderous propaganda. I consistently "clarified truth" to her and gradually changed her understanding. She showed interest in Dafa on several occasions and wanted to cultivate. Unfortunately, she still has not begun to cultivate. I often talk to her about Dafa and about being a good person. Sometimes I also tell her about Fa principles. I also told her about being forbearing instead of fighting with others.
Although she may not understand the principles of cultivation and may not be that forbearing, my wife has changed a lot. For example, she had a bad temper before and often fought with coworkers. Sometimes the conflicts were quite fierce. Now she has fewer conflicts. When she does run into a conflict, she only feels sad for a while and then lets it go. When she handles conflicts like a Dafa practitioner, I am very clear in my mind that no conflict is accidental. The conflict is not just aimed at her, but also aimed at me, to test how I will react.
Most of the xinxing tests I encountered had something to do with my wifes conflicts.
My wife works in a bank. A few days ago, she happily told me what happened at work. A customer inadvertently gave her an extra 1,000 yuan when making a deposit. My wife did not realize it until later. When she found the extra 1,000 yuan, she pondered for a long time whether she should return it or to keep it for herself. She finally decided to return it, because it is more important to have a good future than to get 1,000 yuan now. She said that there were several similar incidents, and she did the right thing each time. I was very glad to hear this. I have always told her that we should not take anything that is not ours. As an ordinary person, what she had done was very good. However, I did not expect what happened next.
Two days later, someone told me that a coworker had bad-mouthed my wife to her supervisor. My wife was accused of giving the extra 1,000 yuan to her relatives. My wife did not pay attention to this rumor at first, because she knew what had happened. Another day passed. My wife heard that her supervisor believed the rumor and wanted to question her. She could not take it any longer and got angry at the coworker and supervisor. After the investigation, the supervisor discovered the truth, but the conflict did not end. The supervisor insisted that what she did was wrong, and criticized her for not respecting the supervisor. The supervisor made a report to the director. The director told my wife to write a self-criticism and refrain from any further explanation. The director was to withhold my wifes bonus if she refused to write the self-criticism. I did not expect this incident would turn out like this. It started out as a good thing. How did it turn into a bad thing? My wife cried.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
"But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve. Accordingly, his mind cannot get over it and is still bothered by it. It could be that his mind is hooked on it. He always wants to turn around to look at the faces of those two people."
When I first heard about others bad-mouthing my wife, I did not mind much and comforted her. However, when I saw my wife full of tears, my human attachment arose. Although I knew that the conflict was targeting my attachment, I could not let it go. I felt indignant for my wife and thought she should clarify things with her supervisor and find the customer to help her. However, after a while I did not feel that would be right. As a practitioner, I should follow a higher law and should not go by the criterion of ordinary people. However, my human attachments kept taking over. I felt we should go to the higher authority to resolve this issue. I then stewed about how mean the supervisor was. "He knew he was wrong, but he persisted in his mistake and lied. He did bad things to us. We should find an opportunity to undermine him and get even." Many bad thoughts surged up in my mind. Then I remembered that I was a practitioner and should handle things with righteous thoughts.
Teacher said in the article "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be,"
"But as cultivation is lived out, when the suffering bears down on you and conflicts come up that hit upon the deepest part of you-and especially when it rattles the rigid notions you have-the test is really hard to pass. It can even be to the point that you know full well it's a test but still can't let go of your attachments."
When I calmed down and carefully reviewed my thoughts, I knew it was my rigid notions that had interfered with my righteous thoughts. When I handled the conflict with righteous thoughts, things changed. I helped my wife understand how to view the situation with Dafa principles. I told her to let it go and not to fight with them, and she would be rewarded in the future. I also told her an ancient Chinese story on "Returning Good for Evil." She gradually calmed down.
Another day passed. I heard that the supervisor was just angry for a while and never mentioned it again.
I learned a good lesson from this incident. It is normal to have human attachments when we come across a conflict. What is most important is to distinguish between human attachments and righteous thoughts. We should restrain our human attachments and strengthen our righteous thoughts. If we can always look inside ourselves, we can find the real problem. The issue will get increasingly complicated if we have strong attachments. When our righteous thoughts dominate, the issue will be easily resolved.