Where Is My Disease Karma Coming From?
(Clearwisdom.net) I started to practice Falun Gong in May 1996. As a result, all of the chronic diseases that made me suffer for so many years were gone and I have been very healthy ever since.
One night in July 2002, at about 9:00 p.m., the year I turned 68, police officers violently broke into my home and intended to arrest my daughter-in-law and send her to a brainwashing center. My daughter-in-law is also a Dafa practitioner. I tried to stop them but in response, the policemen pushed me to the ground. My daughter-in-law came to me and supported my head, but the policemen still insisted on arresting her immediately. At that moment it came to mind that I should protect her from the police, but with the method of ordinary people. Then I said to the policemen that I was suffering from heart disease and that my daughter-in-law had to stay home to take care of me. The policemen did not leave until I lay on the ground for more than 3 hours.
Finally, I successfully protected my daughter-in-law from being arrested. However, simultaneously the karma of disease also came upon me, since I asked for it. Within three days my limbs became swollen and I really became unable to move. Teacher said, "We'd say that a good or bad outcome comes from one thought. The difference in one thought leads to different results" (Zhuan Falun). Then I had to stay in bed and could not stand without others' support. I became unable to take care of myself.
My son planned to send me to a hospital but I refused. I knew it was not a disease, but the old forces persecuting me. However, I failed to look inward and was foggy-headed about the Fa. I indulged myself in a very negative mental state for four months. Later, with the help of fellow practitioners, I found the source of my state of disease. I had the attachment of being afraid and qing toward my daughter-in-law. I feared that my daughter-in-law could be arrested because I worried that no one would be there to look after my little granddaughter and the rest of the family once she was arrested. I tried to protect myself even at the price of lying that I was suffering from heart disease. I completely failed to uphold my righteous thoughts, and the old forces made use of precisely these fundamental attachments as an excuse to persecute me.
Teacher said, "You're a practitioner, so if you always think it's a health problem you're actually asking for it--you are asking for that problem, and now it's able to set in. To be a practitioner your character has to be high. Don't always be afraid that it's a health problem. Fearing that it's a health problem is an attachment in itself, and it can bring you trouble just the same." (Zhuan Falun)
To eliminate the disease karma, the first thing I must do is to fully regard myself as a Dafa practitioner, which is the starting point to rectify myself with Dafa. I should completely negate the arrangements and interference from the old forces if I do not want to bring losses to Dafa and if I want to save sentient beings. Although I have some attachments, Teacher is looking after me and preventing the old forces from persecuting me. In the meantime, I decided to go through some tribulations by myself rather than stay in bed all day to be looked after by my family members. As a practitioner, I should care for my family members first and should not bring so much trouble to them. After having these thoughts, I struggled and endured pain to stand up, using the wall for support. When I fell, I tried again. Sometimes it hurt so greatly that my face was covered with sweat. I recited Teacher's poem repeatedly in my mind,
Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions
A Great Enlightened Being does not fear hardship
Having forged an adamantine will
And with no attachment to living or dying
He walks his path of Fa-rectification openly and nobly.
It was not long before I started to walk, taking little steps. I fell numerous times, but numerous times I stood up again. In this way I really suffered much and genuinely made up my mind to devote the rest of my life to cultivation in Dafa.
In the beginning I sat in a chair to do the Dafa exercises because I could not stand to do them. Every day I tried to calm my mind to study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts around the clock. Under the compassionate care of Teacher, I miraculously recovered. I came to understand that only when we really melt ourselves into Dafa and maintain our righteous thoughts can we genuinely appreciate the joy of our improvement in Dafa.
Now I have become as healthy as before. Every day I do well the three things and besides this, I also do all kinds of household chores like looking after my granddaughter, cooking, washing, shopping and cleaning. It was Dafa and Teacher that eliminated my disease karma, eradicated the old forces' persecution of me and saved my life. I shall cultivate even more diligently from now on and use my time in truth clarification to compensate for the losses that I brought to Dafa because of my disease karma.
Heshi. If there is anything improper please kindly point it out.