Breaking Through the Test of Life and Death by Looking Inward and Digging out the Root of Our Attachments
(Clearwisdom.net) As the overall situation of Fa-rectification advances rapidly, I would like to share my experience of a life and death tribulation that has taught me an important lesson. My fellow practitioners encouraged me to do so, in order to help those who encounter similar "sickness karma," so that the damage it can cause will be reduced, and so that we can walk well the final steps on the path of Fa-rectification.
In October 2004, I began to have an uncomfortable feeling in my foot not long after I returned from clarifying the facts in my hometown. My foot appeared to be slightly swollen. Several days later, I lost my appetite. The swelling spread to my knees, legs and abdomen. I started to experience real difficulty in walking.
My first thought was that it must be persecution by the evil. So I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil and to completely negate it. Nonetheless, the effect was not good. I continued to go to work. After returning from work, although I was very tired, I continued to study the Fa and practice the exercises. I believed that Master would definitely help me, even though I had loopholes in my cultivation that could be taken advantage of by the evil.
As the months passed by, the interference increased, and the symptoms worsened. The swelling expanded to the upper part of my body and in the end, my entire body was swollen. My face was disfigured. My colleagues advised me to go home and see a doctor. I stayed at home for half a month, and during this period, my family and friends kept advising me to go to the hospital. I firmly believed that this was the evil persecuting me and taking advantage of my gaps. I tried to find my loopholes, but I couldn't. The symptoms worsened so badly that I needed ten to twenty minutes to go up one flight of stairs. I felt dizzy when I went to the bathroom. I felt every organ in my body aching. My body was so hard that you couldn't even pinch it. I had difficulty breathing and felt like I was suffocating. I could hardly speak. My body lacked blood circulation so badly that my face was yellow, my lips were pale and I had no appetite.
Now as I think back, I felt that my life was being suppressed by black substances that were as thick and heavy as if a mountain was bearing down on me. I felt that if my righteous thoughts were even slightly weakened, I would fall down and never be able to stand up again. Fortunately, I was very clear-headed. I told myself: "I cannot die, and I cannot bring any damage to Dafa. I have Teacher and the Fa. I cannot collapse."
I endured the pain and managed to acquire Master's articles and the Minghui Weekly as usual and did not miss a single issue. In the 179th issue of the Minghui Weekly, a fellow practitioner wrote an experience sharing article entitled, "To Clearly See the True Nature of the Evil Chinese Communist Party and Deny the 'Three Statements' Written by Your Work Unit on Your Behalf" [Editor's note: Click on hyperlink for a definition of the three statements]. I was shocked. It was obvious that the specter of the evil Party tried to prevent me from seeing the problem mentioned in that article. But it did not succeed, and I understand it now. Before this, I did not realize that the statements written by my work unit on my behalf were also a form of persecution against me. I actually felt that my boss in my work unit was pretty good. He did not interfere with my practice and he too was able to keep his job by writing the statements for me. So we did not bother each other at all, right?
Teacher said in Guiding the Voyage:
"I said: what is a Buddha? "Tathagata" is what human beings call someone who's come with the truth and the power to do what he wants, whereas real Buddhas are guardians of the cosmos and are responsible for all righteous elements in the cosmos."
Although I had been saying that I firmly believed in Master and Dafa and that I would deny the arrangement by the old forces, I was in fact still accepting the old forces' arrangement and had compromised with the evil. Isn't this a serious attachment?
I began to realize that I needed to seriously dig out the root of the problem. After communicating with fellow practitioners, I gradually saw the true culprit that was responsible for persecuting me - the evil specter of the Chinese Communist Party. Why was this poisonous element able to affect me so much? I had finally found my fundamental attachments. When I abandoned one such attachment, my body felt much lighter. When I abandoned another, my body felt even lighter.
After digging out the deeply hidden attachments, my body recovered quickly. The swelling and pain in my body vanished without a trace within just a few days.
I learned about the seriousness of cultivation from this lesson. Without a firm belief in Teacher and the Fa, perhaps I would have passed away after a couple of months. I deeply feel that every sentence spoken by Master carries tremendous inner meaning. But due to my negligence, I was not able to enlighten to it. Even when I sent forth righteous thoughts, my righteous thoughts were constantly interfered with by those human notions beneath the surface, so that they could not achieve a very good effect. In addition, without the help from my fellow practitioners, as well as the timely experience sharing, it would have been very difficult for me to overcome this on my own. I deeply feel that we are one body.
I would like to finish my article with Master's words:
"Yet for cultivators, fear or lack thereof proves [one's] humanity or divinity, and it is what differentiates cultivators from ordinary people. It is something that a cultivator must face, and the biggest human attachment that a cultivator must remove." ("Study the Fa Well, and Getting Rid of Attachments is Not Hard", Master's comments on the article "The Only Thing Falun Dafa Disciples Have a Role in Is Saving People ** With Teacher's Commentary")