More Thoughts about Fear
(Clearwisdom.net) I recently read an article on the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom). It discussed the issue of fear. The article made me think a lot and I am going to share some experiences of the fear which I encountered in my cultivation in Falun Dafa.
I became a practitioner in 1995. Through the process of cultivation, I realized that I have numerous fears. After the persecution started in 1999, I participated in posting and distributing truth-clarification leaflets. In the process of exposing the persecution during Fa-rectification, I noticed that, every now and then, fear would surface. During these times, I was doing Dafa work with fear, and was constantly working to get rid of this fear. It was a reflection of what Teacher said about eliminating karma. When fear surfaced, it was difficult to even post or distribute one leaflet. However, through my belief in Teacher and Dafa, I found courage and willpower to overcome my fear and get rid of the attachment. After getting rid of fear, it was a lot easier to do Dafa work. That situation has repeated itself many times.
In 2000, after I had done Dafa work for some time, the police discovered me. They did not find any evidence against me and I did not give them any excuse to persecute me. During that period of time, I went through a test of "life and death" in my heart. I worked very hard to get rid of the fear and was no longer afraid of death. After that, I felt very lighthearted. The authorities could not keep me any longer and released me. Following this experience, I thought that I had finally gotten rid of fear completely. However, I quickly discovered that this was not the case. When I went to Beijing to clarify the truth, my fear surfaced again.
The fears were connected with many attachments that had not been eliminated yet, and they revealed themselves in different situations. When I clarified the truth in Beijing, it was also a process of facing the evil and constantly facing my fears. Most of the time, I could face it positively and eliminate it with my righteous thoughts. Sometimes, however, I took a crooked path.
In Beijing, I experienced a major tribulation. In 2000, when I went to Tiananmen Square for the third time, I was arrested. Before the trip, I already had some fear and did not use righteous thoughts to face it. There were many fellow practitioners who had just arrived in Beijing. I did not admit that I had fear to my fellow practitioners and myself. Instead, I used ordinary people's notion of bravery to encourage people to go to Tiananmen Square. I ended up getting arrested.
After that, I did not eliminate fear from the basis of Falun Dafa cultivation, and many attachments surfaced. On one hand, I behaved with the mentality of being a hero, trying to cover up my fear. On the other hand, I asked Master to help me get rid of the tribulation. I was in a good state of mind on the last two occasions that I was arrested and with the help of Master, I passed the test easily. This time, though, I was not in a righteous state of mind. I did not understand things from the Fa, and continued to use a human mindset to think about how to pass the test. The evil found excuses and brutally tortured a dozen fellow practitioners and me. I was sent home in 2001 and was sentenced to labor camp shortly afterwards. I walked on a crooked path during that period of time.
After I was released from labor camp, I joined the process of truth-clarification once again. As I recall during these three years, I went to extremes at times. Whenever fear surfaced, I knew that I needed to get rid of it, but I developed a lazy attitude. I felt that I had already done enough, so I could do less now; sometimes I even thought that I had cultivated pretty well, so there was no need to do things like everyone else. All these thoughts were hidden quite deeply, but manifested on the surface as not being active in Fa-rectification work.
Later, when I reflected upon myself, I discovered that I still held on to fear, and I had all sorts of attachments that had been taken advantage of by the evil. From one perspective, it is just like hiding at home and not coming out. I realized that when facing fear, we must use a practitioner's righteous mentality to eliminate it. Only then can we do Fa-rectification things well and walk the right path.
Looking back on the path that I have walked, and looking around at fellow practitioners, there are two situations that exist, which practitioners need to be aware of and correct. One is that there are those who never stepped forward, and those who stepped forward before the persecution but who stayed home after the persecution began. Even though they have all sorts of excuses, at the end of the day, it is fear that has not been eliminated with righteous thoughts. Another situation occurs with practitioners who are very active in validating the Fa. However, whenever fear comes, instead of facing it head on with wisdom and calmness, they deny or cover up their fears and act with the mentality of bravery. They claim that they do not have fear and criticize others as having too much fear. They do not behave rationally in their work, and tend to go to extremes; they are not wise and are easily taken advantage of by the evil. There were some practitioners in our area who were persecuted severely because of this situation.
I believe that before the evil is completely eliminated, before we reach the end of our cultivation, we as practitioners still carry many aspects of the human heart that show up frequently. The main point is that we must use a practitioner's mentality to face everything and eliminate our fears and external interference. We should not cover up our fears. We should refuse to be controlled by fear. Let's steadily walk on our path of Fa-rectification cultivation and save the world's beings.
This is just my personal experience; if there is anything inappropriate, please point it out with compassion.