How I Handled My Husband's Affair and His Request for a Divorce
(Clearwisdom.net) This occurred not too long after July 20, 1999, the start of the large-scale persecution of Falun Gong practitioners. By then I was already on the "blacklist," which was a problem for my husband because he works in an important government department. Regardless of how I explained the true situation of Falun Gong to him, he continued to be very frightened and even accused me of not considering his feelings or the good of our family. In the end, he threatened me with divorce.
When he said that he wanted a divorce, I was not angry with him. Instead, I focused on studying the Fa and memorizing the book. I sincerely examined my own thoughts and feelings. Then I frankly told my husband, "You are under extreme pressure, and you can't stand it any more. I can understand this and I don't blame you. It is okay if you want to divorce me. But you have to promise me that, when you talk to your parents and sisters, your co-workers and friends and other people who care about you, you tell them the reason you want a divorce is because the stress of the current situation is affecting your future career and your social activities, and not because I practice Falun Gong, or because it caused me to be bad or not care about the family or our child." I continued, "But I recommend that you do not choose divorce because I chose to practice Falun Gong. If you do that, deep in your heart you will never find peace, because you saw with your own eyes and personally experienced the good changes that I brought to our family life since I started to practice Falun Gong."
After thinking about it for two days, my husband sincerely said to me, "I don't want a divorce anymore." In those precarious days, I became aware of the dignity involved in cultivating Falun Dafa. Falun Dafa brings people many benefits and no harm at all. How can one get divorced because of the practice? I also thought that, if I divorced, it would provide a negative example for those who would say that I didn't take care of my family due to my practice. I shouldn't let this happen.
Later on, I was illegally detained in a labor camp for one year. During the time I wasn't at home, I couldn't see how our broken, small family was doing and how my young son was doing without a mother. I could only see my elderly parents' sadness when they came to the labor camp to visit me. After I returned home from the labor camp, I took care of all the housework and took good care of my husband and son. However, I soon noticed that my husband was acting strangely and that my mother-in-law was trying to avoid me. I finally realized that my husband had had an affair.
If this had happened to me before I started to practice, I don't know how I would have reacted. Surely I wouldn't have been able to accept it. Since I have studied Falun Dafa and become a cultivator, I could be wise and handle this situation from a cultivator's point of view. I would not withdraw nor make things worse. I would try my best not to hurt anyone.
I sat down with my husband. He asked me, "Are you still going to practice?" I told him seriously, "Cultivation is the most righteous choice I have ever made in my entire life and I will never give it up." Then I said, "You have betrayed me in our marriage and you are wrong. You need to apologize to me. Regardless of what the circumstances were when it happened, you did something very wrong. Since we are still married, you don't have the freedom to select another woman. If you want to do that, you and I have to divorce first. Although I don't have a job or income, I was being persecuted and I had nothing. I have to tell you, truly for your benefit, that you must be responsible for the sanctity of our marriage. In addition, I will give you an opportunity to realize your mistake and correct it. I will even give you a chance to think about it and decide whether you want a divorce. This time, please consider your own needs and do not consider me, and then make your decision."
I don't know what my husband thought about as he deliberated on this. In any event, after that our family life returned to normal. Now my husband often helps me to clarify the truth.
Based on my experiences, I think that we need to open our hearts and minds. We should not exaggerate an issue or ignore the facts. When the event has passed, we should let it go and not be attached to it. I was not afraid of divorce, but I would not choose it just because I am not afraid of it. At the same time, when we are clarifying the truth, we need to uphold humankind's moral standards. Marriage is sacred, and both partners need to be faithful. We should not be afraid of divorce or think, "With everything falling to pieces, how I can go on?" We should not hate the third person, either. At the same time, we should not ignore the issue or tolerate an improper relationship. We can't think that, as long as he still cares about the family and comes back home, we shouldn't mention it. This is not right, because it is not correct human behavior. Don't we want to be kind to others? When we know such a thing is not right and is punishable by gods in the future, we should clearly tell those involved so that they can resolve the problem. We need to rectify any deficiencies in our marriage. This is how to validate Dafa in the course of family life. I believe in Dafa firmly and that everything will be corrected within Dafa.