Making Strides in My Own Mind
(Clearwisdom.net) I began my journey of cultivation in Falun Dafa on April 18, 1998. Before June 2003, I badly stumbled twice, although I had not given up my cultivation. It was benevolent Master and my fellow practitioners who had helped me to stand up again. Since then, I have been able to take the Fa as the teacher and continue my cultivation in Dafa.
I read at least one lecture in Zhuan Falun daily, and I practice all five sets of exercises almost every day and send forth righteous thoughts at the set times. One time when I could not get up during the night I asked myself, "Why can't I get up? All Dafa practitioners are sending forth righteous thoughts. What am I doing? Master has allowed me do the most spectacular thing in the cosmos, so why can't I get up?" When my sending forth righteous thoughts cannot achieve a good effect, I search for the causes within myself and I also ask Master for help.
While delivering Dafa materials, I have experienced Master's compassion. Once, when I needed to deliver the materials to a fellow practitioner, I called and asked him to come out of his home and meet me a little further down the road in my direction, however he did not agree. After hanging up the phone, I felt uneasy. While riding forward I mumbled, "I have to come once a week. You do not need to work. The round trip takes me over one hour. In the winter, it is already dark when I leave my workplace. You are not considerate of me." The bicycle was so heavy that I could not go fast. Before having ridden far I was already sweating. I suddenly realized that there was something wrong with my mindset. Why did I complain? Master is benevolent and gave me the opportunities to do Dafa work, validate the Fa and upgrade myself through cultivation! After I understood this principle my mind was happy and I felt as if someone was pushing my bicycle forward.
Since then, I have always taken the job of delivering Dafa materials as part of my cultivation. When I went to the countryside in the winter the road was slippery. I had to travel over three miles and also go over a big hill. I could always feel that Master was right beside me. I had done the work of delivering the materials to remote areas for over one year. I had never fallen down, although I often made the delivery when it was dark, and at times there were no people for miles. When I returned home, it was already 9:00 or 10:00 p.m., but I had never felt frightened.
I was a person who always had my way at home. I also enjoyed a certain notoriety at my place of employment. My mentalities of showing off and jealousy were strong. I liked to hear others praise me but could not stand criticism. These were things that had to be eliminated through my cultivation, but it was easier said than done. Almost every day I recited "Realms," "What is Forbearance (Ren)?" "Cultivators' Avoidances" (Essentials for Further Advancement), and "Breaking Free of the Three Realms." (Hong Yin [English translation version A])
My husband started his own business after quitting his former job, and as a result owed a debt of over 150,000 yuan. Between 2000 and 2002, he encountered some severe setbacks. After that he did not want to do anything. Every day he smoked, drank and played mahjong to pass the time. Later we sold our house to pay the debt, but even after that we still owed a debt of over 50,000 yuan. So I alone shouldered the responsibilities of paying the rent, my child's school tuition and paying for the debt. He always claimed that he had not spent my money for his eating and drinking. I argued with him initially. I cried, but did not start a fight with him. As soon as I recited the Fa, I realized that my self-restraint was the forbearance of a non-practitioner. I was still uneasy in my mind, and I was not a good cultivator. Every time this happened, I knew that I was wrong. I would say in my mind to Master, "I have not lived up to the standards. But I will certainly achieve the state that, as Master has said, a cultivator looks within his or her self when encountering problems."
One day during mealtime, my husband suddenly claimed that he did not spend my money again. I said to him with a very peaceful mind, "We are husband and wife. You have not taken things from me. Even if you did, it is also meant to be." I realized then that he had felt more bitter than I did, for I had Dafa and could free myself amid the tribulations. But for him, with so much debt, how bad must he feel? From that day on, he has not mentioned that again. I truly felt my level rise, and even more so the power of Dafa. I understood that I needed to make an effort to change my thinking according to the Fa. When I did not feel balanced I would start to search within myself and recite the Fa. Sometimes I could not find my attachment right away, but when I recited the Fa my mindset soon changed. I often stumbled first and then had a realization.
I have a nephew who had also been one of my students. Last June, a radio station in a southern China county hired him. His family held a noon banquet at a restaurant to celebrate his success, and I was also invited. I happily told my work unit leaders and colleagues about this event. The event also made me remember that my own son had passed the college entrance tests, but we had no money to support him to go to college. He had to go to work. I felt that I had lost face before the crowd and I felt bad. These two mentalities overtook my mind, and I failed to promptly eliminate them.
After I finished my class at noon I rode my bicycle hastily toward the restaurant. While riding past a home, I suddenly hit a child. My very first thought at that moment was, "Master, what have I done wrong to cause such a serious incident." It immediately came to my mind that my two mentalities, showing off and losing face (i.e. pursuit of recognition), were not promptly eliminated and the evil had exploited the gap. Right after that thought, I said out loud, "Master, please help me. I do not allow the evil to persecute me even if there are gaps in my cultivation. I will take the opportunity to clarify the truth to resist the persecution and save the child's family members!"
I then noticed that one of my teeth was bleeding, the bicycle chain had come off, and the child's shoes came off during the collision. As I picked up the child, the child's parents came out of the home. I apologized to them. I said that I would go a little farther to borrow the money so we could go to the hospital quickly. I borrowed one hundred yuan. I kept sending forth righteous thoughts while walking for more than a mile. The child's father said we could go to the clinic to have a check up, but I insisted that we go to a hospital. The child started to cry loudly then, saying that he did not want to go to the hospital. I was even more convinced that the child was fine.
After reaching the hospital, the doctor checked the child and found nothing wrong with his legs or feet. The child had only a bump on his head. The doctor told us to take the child for a CT scan. On the way to pay the fee I said, "I am a Falun Gong practitioner. Dafa is extraordinary and can turn any dangerous situation into a safe one. Falun Gong is practiced in seventy-eight countries. Today the child is for sure safe, as Dafa will protect the child." I also took out a bookmark that read, "Falun Dafa is good" and gave it to them.
I forgot that I was in a hospital and that my father would pick me up to go to the restaurant. All I was thinking was to validate the Fa and save people. The child's father said, "It was our fault that we had not watched the child better and brought you trouble. I do not want to do the CT scan anymore." The child's mother also agreed not to do the scan. The child's father said that I was very kind and wanted me to give me back the 100 yuan. I said, "It was my fault for injuring your child. Please, use the money to buy some food for the child." He asked me for my phone number, work place, and home address, all of which I provided.
My father had promised to pick me up at 11:40 a.m., but it was already past 1:00 p.m. When the people at the banquet were about to eat, he then remembered that he had to pick me up. I believe that this was not an accident, as it allowed me the time to clarify the truth.
The next day after work, I took with me two truth-clarification VCDs and then went to see the child and further clarify the truth to the family. They said, "Falun Dafa is really miraculous. The child has no scratches on his skin. Last night, the bump on his head also disappeared. Usually when he fell down, his skin would be scratched for sure. If this had not happened to us, how could we know Falun Gong is so miraculous? You are such a kind person. I was moved by what you did. Otherwise, I would have asked you to pay 800 or 1,000 yuan." I replied, "It is Dafa that has changed me."
I told them many facts about the persecution and about Falun Gong. During the whole process, I really felt that Master was with me.
That day, after I went back home, I stood in front of Master's photo and started to cry. I said, "Master, you have again borne a lot for me. Now a bad thing has turned into a good one." I also understood from the Fa that cultivation is a serious matter. I should not let my mind think whatever it wants, and I should promptly eliminate bad thoughts and any exposed attachments and not let the evil exploit the gap.
My own changes have also influenced my husband. More importantly, Master is compassionate to my husband and my family members. Last summer, my husband also begun the journey of cultivation. In his family, his two brothers' wives, his older sister and his young sister also started to read Dafa books last year. All his family members have declared their "three withdrawals" (i.e., withdrawal from the Young Pioneers, Youth League, and the CCP).
At my work place I always strictly conduct myself according to Dafa and maintain my xinxing and realm that a Dafa practitioner should have. One time a young teacher told me, "You always consider others. In front of you, I dare not even think about doing any selfish things." What he said surprised me. All of sudden I felt Master's greatness and that Dafa is really wonderful! Master and Dafa have completely changed me. I also came to understand that it was Master who was encouraging me. My having done well is also a validation of Dafa. In this way it would be easy for me to further clarify the truth and persuade people to declare the "three withdrawals."
I used to have a strong attachment of fear. As soon as I heard that a practitioner had been persecuted, especially if it was another teacher, my fear would arise. But I could eliminate it promptly and recite the Fa to strengthen my righteous thoughts. I always examine if what I have done conforms to the standards of Dafa. Master is protecting me, so no one is qualified to persecute me. The students in my previous class just graduated from elementary school in July. Among the twenty-nine graduates, twenty-seven of them had withdrawn from the Young Pioneers. Several graduates' parents had also withdrawn.
I recite "Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy." ("Rationality" from Essentials for Further Advancement II) I continue to clarify the truth about Falun Gong to people one by one. Sometimes trouble also occurred. One day a student's parent, who did not know the truth, heard the student talking about the truth and became angry. He went to the school to look for me and made a big commotion. That child also cried. I thought, "I will then let you know the truth clearly and also convince you to declare your withdrawal." Compassion and righteous thoughts can move people. In the end, he also agreed to withdraw from the CCP. He also said that he would tell this to his father. More than ten students have read Zhuan Falun. Among thirteen of my fellow teachers, eleven have made the withdrawals. Even the principal also declared his withdrawal from the CCP. After the instructor knew the truth, he did not require the second-grade students to pledge allegiance to the CCP. I am now teaching first-grade students. I have already talked with the school leaders, and they decided not to have the students enroll in the Young Pioneers.
I have realized that whether I am going out to buy things or visiting relatives, it is another opportunity to clarify the truth. I clarify the truth wherever I go.
December 4, 2005