Validating Dafa through Tribulations
Greetings, respected Teacher and fellow practitioners:
I am honored to be able to participate in this experience sharing conference on the web. This is a good opportunity for us practitioners in China to communicate with each other and help each other to elevate together. I feel greatly honored and cherish this opportunity very much. I want to report my cultivation experiences to Teacher in the past few years and share them with fellow practitioners.
In the six years since the persecution began on July 20, 1999, Teacher has helped me overcome many difficulties on the path of cultivation. In the article "Drive out Interference" in Essentials for Further Advancement II, Teacher said: "I have not only borne an incredibly great deal for you, but also, along with this, constantly given you hints for your improvement, looked after you for your safety, and settled the debts that you owed at different levels so that you can reach Consummation." In this way, I gradually changed from an ordinary person to a rational, mature, and clear-minded cultivator.
On May 31, 2001, Yu Lixin (who has since been persecuted to death) and I were sent to the provincial women's prison. In the prison, we refused to wear the prison uniform or cut our hair short, and we continued with our hunger strike that we had begun half a year ago while we were in a detention center. The prison guards tied us onto the "dead person's bed." In the two and half years, aside from the two weeks of parole for medical treatment, I was always on hunger strike and tied to the bed. If it were not for Teacher's taking care of me and bearing the burden for me, I by no means would have been able to make it through the ordeal. In such an evil environment, the loneliness, helplessness and the feeling that time was standing still were horrifying. But it was such extreme difficulties that allowed me to feel the closeness of Teacher. I felt that He was next to me all the time, taking care of me and enlightening me. With His tremendous care and enduring for me, I was able to elevate myself.
I remember when I was fist tied to the "dead person's bed," my arms were pulled toward the top of my head and I soon felt acute pain. My mind became very disturbed, and my lower back began to ache too. My throat was swollen and sore, and I felt like I couldn't speak. I had a bad fever and the pain was overwhelming. I felt that I was not able to take it any more either physically or mentally. I dare not stop reciting: "It's hard to endure, but you can endure it. It's hard to do, but you can do it." Luckily Yu Lixin was with me and doing well. She was tied that way when she was in the detention center and she had passed the test. In the prison, she kept telling the police and inmates the facts about Falun Gong. I thought that her throat did not have any problem. But the next day she asked me, "Was your throat sore?" I said, "Yes, very much so." She said, "So was mine, and it made me unwilling to talk." I was touched. I told myself, "What a good example. She is indeed Teacher's good disciple." I realized that Teacher let me be with her so that I could learn from her. I saw my deficiencies. Then my pain was lessened a lot, and I knew how I should act.
The third day in the prison, Yu Lixin's heartbeat dropped to only 30 beats a minute. She was so thin that she looked like a skeleton. But she was so much at ease and her voice was still loud and clear. She kept telling the doctors, nurses and other people around her about the facts of Falun Gong. The doctors and nurses all asked her to stop to rest, because they were afraid that she might die. But she kept talking. Finally they asked a dozen or so inmates to carry her out on a stretcher. I wept. I was sad but only for a brief moment. Later she was paroled for medical treatment. About half a year later, she was again illegally arrested and brought into the prison again. But that time I only heard her voice but did not see her.
Later I was kept in solitary confinement, with two inmates taking care of me. I was almost completely isolated from the world. It was so lonely, which was indeed very difficult to endure. Adding to the fact that I was tied onto the bed and unable to move, I felt sometimes that I could no longer stand it and sometimes I was very distressed. I was force-fed three times a day; each time they inserted a finger-thick plastic tube through my nose. At first, it felt awful when the tube passed through my nostril, and I was nauseated and wanted to throw up when it touched my throat. It caused me great pain. But when I made up my mind that I was not going to succumb even if I died, Teacher resolved it all for me. I didn't know when, but my nostril and throat became smooth and I did not feel the insertion of the tube any more. I understood that it was Teacher bearing the pain for me. Teacher also encouraged me by letting me see Law Wheels in red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet, spinning in front of me while radiating light.
I remember when I first got to the prison. I had the attachment of fear. Once a policewoman badmouthed Dafa and Teacher after she heard propaganda from the radio. I wanted to stop her but my heart was pounding. I calmed myself down and told myself: "Were you not even scared of death? The worst thing that can happen is you die." With this thought, my fear lessened. I told the policewoman: "What you said is not true. Our Teacher did not escape abroad. Rather, He went abroad to spread Dafa. The Dafa belongs to the cosmos. Not only Orientals need to learn it, so do Westerners. All people going into the next epoch need to learn it. The spread of Falun Dafa helps with the communication between China and the world, and helps to improve our friendship with Westerners." My speech got better as I kept on talking. At the end, the policewoman wept and said, "Your words were truly great."
As the number of such occurrences increased, my fear gradually diminished. I could confidently face anyone in the prison to validate Dafa. Every time when I told them about Dafa, not only did they not get upset and try to punish me, they were actually quite happy. I realized that as long as I did the right things, Teacher would help me, and the evil would not dare to harm me. But first we need to have the righteous thoughts to let go of the fear of death and all attachments. This way Teacher will be able to do everything for us. I also realized that this is part of the process of cultivation.
At noon on March 8, 2002, I suddenly heard someone shout: "The Fa rectifies the cosmos, the Evil is completely eliminated. The Fa rectifies heaven and earth, immediate retribution in this lifetime"
I also heard "Falun Dafa is the righteous Fa." It was Yu Lixin, who was brought back again after being on parole for half a year. One of the people taking care of me went to take care of her that night because no one else was available. The next day, she told me that Lixin wanted me to remember Teacher's words: "The Fa rectifies the cosmos, the Evil is completely eliminated. The Fa rectifies heaven and earth, immediate retribution in this lifetime." She said that Yu Lixin wanted me to recite these verses whenever I was in trouble, so that no one could harm me. I have memorized these Fa-rectification verses since then.
In May 2002, Yu Lixin was persecuted to death. Such a wonderful person in her prime was persecuted to death in prison. After her death, the prison was afraid that I might die too, because I had been on a hunger strike for over a year and a half, and my heartbeat was often as low as thirty beats per minute. Also at that time, practitioners both inside and outside of China had been giving tremendous support to me. Every day large quantities of mail and phone calls reached the prison. It greatly suppressed the evil. I want to thank all of the practitioners for their help. The evil was indeed frightened under such pressure. The prison hesitated to persecute me, and the treatment I received improved.
In June 2002, the prison began to work on "transforming" me. The first step was to make me eat by applying various tricks to pressure me. First they assigned a vicious inmate to work on me. She scolded me all day long, hit me sometimes, and added much salt into the food used to force-feed me. But no matter what tricks she played, I paid no attention. After finding it was useless to use force, they tried another approach. The warden asked the kitchen to cook some nice food, and baked pancakes because they learned that it was my favorite. I still paid no attention to them. Then they threatened to stop force-feeding me. For that I was not only not scared, I was actually very happy and even a bit excited, because I felt it would be a good chance for me to validate Dafa. After the first day when I did not take in even a drop of water, my blood pressure was at 90/60. The second day it was 100/70; the third day it was 110/80; the fourth day it was 120/90; and on the ninth day, it was 130/100. Never was I in better shape. My complexion was healthy and radiant. I felt the supernormal and miraculous power of Dafa when I saw myself in the mirror. It further strengthened my determination to validate Dafa. I knew that it was Teacher who was encouraging me and I could not help but weep. In the end they gave up.
On July 1, 2002, the prison had a performance and wanted me to attend. I refused, but other inmates dragged me over. When I got to the entrance of the auditorium, I knew at once what I needed to do. At that time there were many practitioners who had been subverted. I felt I had the responsibility to wake them up. So I yelled, "The Fa rectifies the cosmos, the Evil is completely eliminated. The Fa rectifies heaven and earth, immediate retribution in this lifetime."
The peculiar thing was that those days I had an itchy throat and trouble talking loudly. But when I yelled, it was so loud that it pounded my own ears. I wanted every practitioner to hear it and those who had gone astray to wake up.
With the help of Teacher and the cooperation of practitioners both within and outside the prison, the prison felt enormous pressure having me there. They could not wait to get me out. They got my sister to sign some papers and drove me to my sister's house, because I no longer own a house. We sold it so that our daughter had something to live on while my husband and I were in forced labor camps.
At my sister's house, she told me that my husband was released after two years of forced labor. He stayed with his nephew for eight months. But just about 10 days ago, people from the police station came and asked him to sign and pledge not to go to Beijing, because the 16th Communist Party Conference was about to be held there. He refused and was put into a forced labor camp again. My brother had argued a bit with the administrator of his apartment building about a TV signal being intercepted on March 5 in Changchun City, and broadcasting Dafa truth-clarification programs. He reported my brother. The police arrested my brother and sentenced him to forced labor. When I came home, my sister withheld money from me to stop me from going out. I walked 10 miles to the city 610 Office. The office had two staff members on duty. I told them about my husband and my brother's situation, and I said, "I have never seen any more ridiculous laws. You will be arrested if you don't sign a pledge? One would be committing a crime by just saying something? Where is the law? Where is freedom of speech?" One of the staff members told me that none of the people who dealt with my husband or my brother were there and he did not know when they would be back.
I decided that I would go to the provincial capital to appeal. The next day I went to the provincial appeals office. When I told them the reason I was there, they were scared and said that they did not deal with Falun Gong related matters. There was nothing else I could do, they told me. I thought that this was all started by Jiang Zemin, and I needed to pursue a lawsuit against him, so I went to the provincial court. When I told them that I wanted to sue Jiang Zemin, they did not know what to do. They said they could not take the case, and asked me to go to Beijing.
So I decided to go to Beijing. It happened that a fellow practitioner had just given me a hundred yuan. I bought the train ticket to Beijing 14 days after I was let out of prison. I bought it in the morning and the train would leave at 4:00 p.m., so I went back to my sister's house first. Just as I picked up the book, Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa to read, someone knocked on the door. My sister opened it and a few policemen and neighborhood association people came in, and asked me if I had bought a ticket to Beijing. I said, "Yes." They said, "Then give it to us. We cannot let you go. We have been monitoring you. Give us the ticket and we will leave." I said, "I paid for it. Why should I give it to you?" They said, "It would be okay if you return it. Otherwise we won't leave." I said, "I wasn't planning to return it when I bought it. Furthermore, you watched me today. But what about tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow? Can you watch me forever?" They said, "Then we will watch you every day." I said, "It is up to you," and I kept reading my book. They made a very long phone call and at around 3:00 p.m. they asked my sister to take the ticket from my pocket and return it. They took me to the police station and that night they put me in a little room. They straightened my arms and handcuffed them to a metal pipe.
The next morning the district political and justice secretary came in at around 10:00 a.m. He said that I had to write the "five letters" [similar to the three statements] or I would be sent back to prison. They would let me go home if I wrote the "five letters." I was very calm, smiled at them and said, "Never mind sending me back to prison. I will not write anything even if you point a gun at me." I went on a hunger strike in the prison. They yelled at me all the time. They force-fed me with food mixed with spit, urine, feces, and salt to force me to stop my hunger strike, but I was not swayed. There have been numerous incidences of this kind in the two and half years I was in prison. With Teacher's help, I passed one test after another. Finally on November 21, 2003, my family members got me out of the provincial women's prison, and I rejoined the wave of Fa-rectification.