Only When I Let Go of Human Attachments Can I Save the World's People
(Clearwisdom.net) Even after nearly two months had passed since I saw the notice on the Minghui website (the Chinese version of Clearwisdom) calling for written experience sharing reports, I still hadn't considered submitting a paper because I didn't think I was qualified to participate in the sharing. During the past six years of Fa-rectification, my entire family has barely survived the persecution. In the past, I thought I was doing okay just by making it through this tribulation. As the progress of Fa-rectification sped on, I realized that the true disciples who had walked the path of godhood in Fa-rectification weren't persecuted as severely as I was. I realized that I'd been targeted because I had attachments and loopholes.
Today is October 23, and the deadline for submitting papers is almost here. I think I should not miss this rare opportunity provided by Minghui. I want to summarize the lessons I've learned, and walk the rest of my path righteously. In the past six years, I was illegally detained twice; once in Beijing and another time locally. I was illegally arrested and taken to detention centers three times and sent to forced labor camps twice. My husband is still in prison. Our home was illegally searched and ransacked numerous times - I don't know exactly how many times, because the police often went there when no one was home.
When I returned home from a detention center in April 2003, I weighed only 88 pounds, instead of my usual 143 pounds. My husband was being held in a forced labor camp. My oldest daughter was living on the streets to avoid persecution. Relatives were caring for my younger daughter at home. She wasn't able to attend school full-time because the police often went to her school to harass her. I had a broken family, no source of income, and I was suffering extreme physical fatigue. As a result, the word "diligent" wasn't part of my vocabulary. I'd never wavered on the path of cultivation, but I'd lost the courage to save sentient beings. I thought my friends and family wouldn't approve of me if I clarified the truth to them, because our family was broken up and I'd lost everything. This degenerate human thought blocked me from moving ahead. Even when other practitioners pointed it out to me, I was still unconvinced, and I rarely went out to clarify the truth, especially to people I knew. Teacher has told us to do the three things well, but I felt my situation was special and it was too difficult. I wanted to wait until the environment was more relaxed. I was stuck in this state of mind, not wanting to turn back but also not able to move forward. I was miserable beyond words.
On September 25 this year, Teacher published the article entitled, "Walk Straight Your Path." I quickly memorized the article. In it, Teacher said,
"Also, don't use the wicked things that happen during the persecution as an excuse for not validating the Fa or not validating it well, ..."
I immediately realized that these words were for me. I began to search within myself; why did I use the persecution as an excuse for not validating the Fa? What was the root cause? What was my attachment? Finally I discovered my fundamental attachment.
I believed in samsara [the cycle of reincarnation] even before I started practicing Falun Gong. After I attained the Fa, I was very diligent, determined to escape the suffering of samsara. When the persecution started, I didn't turn back. When the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party was published, I saw the difference between the number of people who withdrew from the party and the number of practitioners, and I thought that I wasn't doing too badly among the practitioners in China and would able to escape samsara. As a result, I was pleased with myself. Because my attachment to self was aligned with the old forces' arrangements, the evil took advantage of my loophole and strengthened my human notions. (We used to have a pretty high standard of living before the persecution. My husband held a high position at work. Our overall living and working conditions were superior to most, but we lost almost everything due to the persecution.) I now felt that I looked worse than other people. My clothes weren't as good, the food we ate wasn't as good, and I was starting to look old. I felt sorry for myself.
In fact, isn't this type of thought a manifestation of my attachment to fame? Because the Fa-rectification is speeding ahead, Teacher has published several new articles, one after another, "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," and "The Red Tide's Wane." After reading them, I was deeply touched and determined to utilize the remaining time to do well the three things Teacher told us to do, starting with my friends and family. I had to let go of human attachments, clarify the truth, and save sentient beings.
One day after breakfast, I asked Teacher to strengthen me and give me the courage to save sentient beings. I took the Nine Commentaries and related material with me and visited the home of my husband's long-time supervisor, whom we call, "Older Brother." Before I even got into the room, Older Brother started in, "Don't say anything today. Just listen to me! You people are driving me crazy. I hate it. What's wrong with you all? Do you want to have a family or not? When the pressure is on, others retreat, but you just kept moving against it. The police said that you are the local Falun Gong coordinators. When your husband first got out of the detention center, I told him everything I could. I thought he'd changed, but he was detained again and sentenced to prison. On the day of his court hearing, he even spoke reasonably and at length in the court."
I was sending forth righteous thoughts the whole time. After he finished, I said, "Whether you hate us or blame us, Older Brother, I want to thank you because you want to see us well and not suffering." This one statement deeply touched Older Brother and his wife, and they started weeping. They said with choking voices, "We didn't go to visit you first."
I told them that no matter how difficult or brutal the reality is, we are determined to walk to the end of the path, and this path can't be wrong. "In the past few years, I've experienced extraordinary changes in my body, and many things have happened in society as well. Our Teacher talked about them several years back, and everything he said came true. You're worried for us, but we are worried about you. You heard in the news that the bird flu could lead to an epidemic? That's what we call human elimination. But flu isn't the fundamental cause; the standard of elimination is one's attitude toward Falun Dafa and whether one can break away from the evil Chinese Communist Party." Finally I told him, "Since you're so concerned for my husband, take a closer look and see who sent him to prison. When you finish the book and other materials I brought with me today, you'll understand everything we're doing. I'll be back in few days."
Later I visited them again. Older Brother's wife told me, "We've decided to withdraw from the CCP, but my retired sister is still being asked to participate in CCP activities. What should she do?" I told her that Teacher had said that once a person withdraws from the CCP, that person is being looked after. I was very glad to see that not only did they understand the truth, they'd already started telling their friends and family about it. On my way home, I felt relaxed and joyful because I was able to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. The feeling of restraint caused by the depression of the previous few years was gone. The notion of self-pity that was forced upon me by the evil disappeared too. I said to Teacher quietly, "Letting go of attachments feels so light-hearted, keeping the attachments was so exhausting."
By studying Teacher's new article, "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," I realized that if I were to wait for the environment to get more relaxed or wait until the CCP dissolved before I clarified the truth, in the future I'd have reason for regret and I would fall behind in terms of levels. For sentient beings to take a stand right now is not only a matter of avoiding elimination, but it is also laying a good foundation for attaining the Fa in the future.
I hope that all the practitioners who have the same notions as I did will make good use of the time and fulfill the solemn vows that were made long ago, with Teacher's merciful salvation.