My Determination is Firm and Will Never Change
(Clearwisdom.net) Before I began cultivating in Falun Dafa I was able to sit in the full lotus position, with both legs crossed, for half an hour. After I obtained the Fa in February 1999, a fellow practitioner told me, "Once you start to really cultivate it will be hard for you to cross your legs." I did not believe him, but I found that it really was as he said. At first I could only sit in the lotus position for 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, and later 15 minutes, slowly increasing the duration each day. One time when I sat in the lotus position for 15 minutes, I had a feeling of flying, and felt like I was rotating in the air. I did not want to fly so I calmed myself down. Several months later, I could sit in the lotus position for one hour. On that day, when I rode my bicycle, I felt that both my legs were very light. During this period, sometimes I would sit in meditation with tears in my eyes. It was really a test of my determination. When I sat for almost half an hour, I was in so much pain that my breathing became heavy, yet I did not release my legs. A veteran practitioner asked me if it was hard and I told her with smile, "It's not hard, but it is hard for those who don't obtain the Fa." She nodded with a smile.
In 2001, due to the persecution, both of my feet were fractured and I was diagnosed with a compressed lumbar vertebra fracture. I was illegally detained in the hospital by the 610 Office and the National Security Office. In order to be able to interrogate me as soon as possible, they operated on my back and inserted a steel plate and screws into my back. After my feet were X-rayed, the doctor said that the bones were broken and one bone was so shattered that it could not be seen. However, they did not set the bones and just applied casts below my knees.
Lying in bed, I never thought about what would happen to me. My only thought was to cultivate in Dafa and practice. I remember a nurse said, "When other people have a broken bone they cry in pain. So many of your bones were broken, yet I have never seen you crying." I really did not feel any pain, so it must have been our benevolent Teacher who endured a lot of suffering for me.
Unable to stand, I practiced the exercises lying in bed every day. The colleague that was arranged by my workplace to monitor and "transform" me said, "Did you study dance? Your movements are so graceful." I said, "I'm just practicing Falun Gong." After the evil persons from the 610 Office and National Security Office heard about this they came to threaten me. I told them, "This is the method I use to heal my body." They could say nothing and I continued to practice every day. Whenever I had time, I exposed the truth about the evil persecution to the nurses and other people around me. In several days, the 610 Office and National Security Office transferred me to the prison hospital where I was strictly monitored. Later, I realized that they wanted to have me sign a repentance statement as soon as possible.
Conditions were very hard in the prison hospital, and I suffered much mental torture. Every morning, I heard the noise of iron chains and doors as they were opened one by one. Then the officials from the 610 Office and the Security Bureau took turns threatening and intimidating me. They illegally interrogated me for ten days until I tore up their notebook and then they never came again. Witnessing their behavior I felt sad, sorry and that it was so ridiculous. I feared nothing in the dark prison, because I could see the Fa-safeguarding gods above.
Over twenty days later, I could sit up and I started to do the fifth exercise. Because I had been bedridden for so long I felt weak. When I did the hand gestures, my arms shook. Because my legs were in casts, I could not cross my legs. I practiced like this for several minutes and felt very happy. I could finally sit up to practice! One roommate told me, "You sat there like a lotus and you looked very beautiful."
Four other female practitioners came to the prison hospital one by one, all of them having been severely persecuted. Three of them were sent there because they had been on a hunger strike for several days to protest the persecution. We recited the Fa and shared experiences together in the hospital room. We encouraged each other and opposed the persecution together. Finally, the prison released each one of us.
What I felt most sorry about during that period was that I studied the Fa very little. I wanted to leave that place and study the Fa. I knew that this was not a place where I should stay, and I could not accept the persecution.
Twenty days later, I returned home. It was a sunny day in spring. Upon seeing the tender green buds on the trees, I truly felt that,
"The windstorm continues through the night, but there is no need to worry." ("Deciphering the Last Three Stanzas of the Plum Blossom Poem" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
A few days later, without hesitation, I went to a hospital and asked the doctors to remove the casts from my feet. Seeing that my legs were so thin and the muscles had atrophied, the doctor told my father privately, "Please buy a pair of crutches for her and help her use them when she gets back home." When I heard this, I said, "No, that won't be necessary. What really works for me is that I persist in studying the Fa and practicing the Falun Gong exercises every day."
Besides persistent Fa study, I focused on learning to stand up again, and then I began to practice Exercise 3... once, twice, then a third time. I finished doing Exercise 3 by taking three rests, and even the excruciating pain in my feet could not shake my determination. Although at first I could only maintain the standing position for one minute, one week later I was able to take my first step and could soon walk again.
It was very difficult for me to practice Exercise 5, the sitting meditation, at that time. My ankles were very rigid and when I moved them the pain in my feet pierced my heart. For the first week I could only single cross my legs for 10 minutes. I wondered if I would ever be able to sit in the full lotus position again. Then I remembered that I could double cross my legs before, and thought that now I could certainly do the same. I would not let my notions stop my progress in cultivation. While I knew this was so, to do it was very difficult. I forced my legs into the double crossed position, and suffered unbearable pain. I could not bear it for more than a few seconds and quickly put my legs down. My thought karma also interfered. "The bones in my feet were not reset from the beginning. If I force them into the double crossed position will it affect my recovery?" Then I realized that this thought was not my own and it was the interference of thought karma. I knew that practicing the exercises was the best thing for me, and I was able to distinguish which were my true thoughts and what was thought karma that should be eliminated.
I gradually increased my endurance in the lotus position from three minutes, to five minutes, to ten minutes. As soon as I could do it for ten minutes, then I could do it longer. And finally I could sit in the full lotus position for more than one hour, just like I had before.
Besides the physical pain, there were all kinds of other tribulations, and the evil's interference in other dimensions. There was also strong interference and abuse from my parents who were afraid, because they had been deceived by the slanderous lies of the communist party. My husband was also persecuted. To get me to stop my cultivation, my father threatened three times to sever all ties with me, and he threatened to drive me out of the house. I kept clarifying the truth to my parents with compassion and I also did some housework, and finally their attitudes improved a lot.
During that time, the 610 Office, the National Security Office, the police substation and the Street Office continued to harass me. When they came to my house, I clarified the truth about Falun Dafa and the persecution. Once, several officials from the National Security Office brought an arrest warrant and attempted to "illegally arrest" me. I thought of Teacher's Fa lecture,
"If anyone can harm you, he or she would be able to harm me. Put simply, that person would be able to harm this universe." (Zhuan Falun)
I thought, I cultivate in Dafa and nobody can harm me. I sent forth righteous thoughts while I watched the officers sternly and clarified the truth to them. With support from my parents, after four hours, righteousness defeated evil and kindness awakened their conscience. They took back the arrest warrant and did not persecute me any further.
Under Master's compassionate care and with my firm belief in Dafa, along with studying the Fa, upgrading my xinxing, and persistent practice of the exercises, I could walk again 40 days after I was injured. I could sit in the full lotus position in two months. By the third month I could basically move freely again. Now I can run and jump naturally.
No matter how difficult it became, my suffering would never shake my firm belief in Master and Dafa or my heart for cultivating Dafa. This is my own cultivation experience. I have deeply felt Master's immense benevolence and compassion. Through this experience, I witnessed the magnificent power of Falun Dafa.
I am thankful to our compassionate and great Master! Heshi.