My Thoughts on Whether Young Practitioners Should Get Married
(Clearwisdom.net) Concerning the issue of whether young Falun Dafa disciples should get married at this critical moment of Fa-rectification, many practitioners have different opinions. According to some practitioners, getting married means strengthening the attachment to romantic love and desire, which should be absolutely avoided at the present stage. Instead, a much higher standard should be imposed upon oneself. Besides, they say that family life consumes too much time, and as a result, it prevents one from doing Fa validating work effectively. Those who hold this view say that it's better not to get married. In my opinion, this point of view is not wrong if it's only applied to oneself, because the understanding of a person towards a certain issue can only guide one's own behavior. Different people, however, have different paths. In the following paragraphs, I would like to share with you what I think of this issue.
The Relationship Between Marriage and Love
Being married is one of mankind's forms of living. Traditionally, the main purpose of a marriage is to fulfill predestined relationships and propagate the next generation. Predestined relationship is the main factor that brings marriage into being. During ancient times, marriage was arranged by the parents. Until the actual wedding day, the bride and the bridegroom had never met each other, and therefore romantic love or lust was not involved at all. Getting married did not mean having very strong romantic love or lust. Not getting married, on the other hand, by no means indicated that one had no attachment to love or lust. Regarding these things, some people express themselves openly and freely, while others suppress their feelings. Cultivation, however, is to cultivate one's heart. Whether one is married or single, one must let go of romantic love and lust. The crucial part is how to control oneself during cultivation and be strict with oneself.
In my opinion, a Dafa disciple of the Fa-rectification period should conform to ordinary people and society as much as possible while cultivating. If you want to get married, then do so. There are also many practitioners who do not plan to get married. That should also be fine, as long as the relationships with family members and friends are balanced and harmonized.
As Fa-rectification is moving forward, the number of practitioners who are still single increases and so do their ages. Both the practitioners and their family members feel the great pressure imposed upon them. This is a serious problem. The pressure is caused either by the interference upon their thoughts directly from the old forces or interference from the human heart, magnified and strengthened by their own opinions and attitudes and those of their fellow practitioners around them.
I think that it is necessary for single practitioners and those who are around them to have a very clear understanding and knowledge of the principles of the Fa in this particular respect.
Some of the Dafa disciples who do not want to get married may have the attachment of time, thinking that the Fa-rectification will end very soon. Yet when the Fa-rectification does not really end by the time they expected, they regret that they didn't enjoy some aspects of life of everyday people. Such thoughts will definitely result in lack of diligence in cultivation. There are too many lessons in this area. We should not allow ourselves to go from one extreme to another any more. It is only when we can keep a clear head and be steady in every step we take, that we are really regarded as mature!
To cultivate during these years of Fa-rectification, practitioners who always proceed forward steadily and diligently do not have attachments. The difference is that they have the courage to face their own problems and attachments so that they can finally get rid of them. Some of those who undergo severe persecution, however, are not clearheaded. They constantly linger around and are manipulated by the opinions of others, and thus are unable to find their true selves and their own opinions. They have many attachments, some of which they do not realize themselves. And even when they do notice that they have these attachments, they are too lazy to face them, let alone abandon them. As a result they are often in the state of being interfered with and passive. As Fa-rectification disciples, we should walk solidly on our own path and cultivate something of our own!
"Panic When Mentioning Marriage" - a Manifestation of Not Understanding the Fa Very Well
Many Dafa disciples panic when talking about marriage. Their fear of marriage comes from seeing some married people sinking so deeply into qing and family life that they cannot do anything else. Some young practitioners do not behave properly when they are in love, or after they get married. Some even totally forget their identities as cultivators or their responsibilities during Fa validation, being completely infatuated with love. Because of these negative examples, people tend to have a false notion that once one falls in love or gets married, one will slack off in cultivation and fall to lower levels. I think this results from not only handling this issue poorly but also having omissions. Neither marriage itself nor this particular path of cultivation is a problem
To have a family life and to cultivate among everyday people until consummation is the path that Master gives us. We need to harmonize it but not deny or doubt it. Whether we can walk our paths properly depends on us. When problems arise, we should look inside ourselves and focus on improving.
Some married practitioners are afraid to talk about marriage. This is when they find that married life is too hard and too tiring, and they do not want to face it. They complain to single practitioners either intentionally or unintentionally, to convey the message that married life is too difficult and too exhausting, implying that they should avoid it. This has a negative impact on the single practitioners. It is the manifestation of human hearts to judge whether something is good or not simply based on one's personal feelings towards it. A Dafa disciple should judge everything based on the Fa instead of feelings, and in particular should not bring personal feelings and notions into Dafa. If after you have been married for a while and suffered a lot from qing, it is because you are still unable to let go of your irrational attachments of ordinary people. Your complaints show exactly the true state of your xinxing: You can neither let go of qing nor have a clear understanding of the Fa.
It is human nature to envy others' situation and state of cultivation, and to look constantly for a greener pasture. It's a man's desire to seek the happiness and comfort of ordinary people's life, and it's normal for ordinary people to reject hardships and so forth. Nothing is coincidental during cultivation, and our cultivation environment is designed and arranged for us step by step. If you really were put in another environment, it would be very likely that you would not be able to get rid of many of your human attachments! As a result, you could not reach consummation. Cultivation is hard and tough, and it allows no shortcuts. All we can do is to rectify our thoughts and behavior. The improvement of our environment can be achieved naturally if we improve ourselves during cultivation.
Time is limited for all of us. It is really not easy to do the three things well and to harmonize the relationships with family, work and society all at the same time, but we cannot run away from problems just because they are difficult. To avoid problems is the manifestation of the human heart. The principles are the same as the issue of eating meat, which Teacher has talked about in Zhuan Falun.
It Is Our Responsibility to Take the Path of Marriage Correctly
How Dafa disciples as a whole look at marriage in a correct and proper way is no longer a personal cultivation issue, but a concern of whether a healthy cultivation path can be left to the future cultivators. And whether marriage can be taken in a righteous way goes far beyond the sphere of loss and gain for any individual. Of course other practitioners' states of mind have an effect on whether this path can be taken more righteously. Those who can be diligent in their cultivation are able to validate the Fa continuously, displaying the magnificence and beauty of cultivation as well as the greatness of Dafa disciples of the Fa-rectification period.
Perhaps some of my thoughts may not be correct. Those who have better understandings, please correct and complement those of mine.