Dealing with Domestic Disputes According to the Fa is Part of Fa-Rectification Cultivation (Part 2)
One of the main reasons that we don't easily resolve family conflicts is because many times, when we spread the Fa and clarify the truth to people, we can easily see people's degenerated notions. In turn, we then unintentionally resort to the same degenerated standards to handle the conflicts.
A practitioner and her husband live with her in-laws. Her husband isn't a Falun Dafa practitioner and went on many business trips for his work. In the beginning, this practitioner was able to refrain from inappropriately speaking when she felt upset. However, she became more and more upset with her father-in-law, who was stubborn and bossy. Eventually, her mind became less peaceful when studying the Fa. She talked to her husband several times, trying to convince him to get an apartment for her in-laws. However, her father-in-law would refuse to be moved out. Her husband respecting his father's opinion, would comply with his wishes. Therefore, she resigned to living with her in-laws.
One day, unable to control her temper, she had a big fight with her father-in-law over some minor thing. Her husband was away and after he came back, he didn't comfort her as she expected him to. He instead, blamed her for not showing respect to his father.
She felt wronged and began to see her husband as "useless." This led to a "cold war" that started to build between her, her husband and her father-in-law. Practitioners tried reminding her to remember she was a Falun Dafa practitioner, but she felt that she wasn't doing anything wrong except arguing with her father-in-law.
Her in-laws before were willing to read truth-clarification materials about Dafa, but things changed and her in-laws began to no longer accept any more information. They would shake their heads whenever people mentioned Falun Dafa. When talking to other people, they would sigh saying that they didn't have a good fate that they got such a daughter-in-law.
One day, she went out to distribute truth-clarification fliers. She ran into a neighbor who had just moved. He was shopping with his parents and she wanted to give them a flier. However, they wouldn't take it and they had suspicious looks on their faces. When she tried to clarify the truth to them, they replied briefly, "Your father-in-law told us about it." and they quickly left. She came to realize that her neighbor must have heard of the conflicts between her and her in-laws. She concluded that her in-laws must have complained to them about her, which is why they probably refused to listen to her. She didn't take it as a hint to look inside and it became a bigger issue. Her first thought was actually how her own reputation would be damaged, so she became more upset with her in-laws.
Every time her husband came back from business trips, she would complain of her father-in-law. Her husband could bear it no longer and replied angrily, "With such an attitude, you still want to become an enlightened person?" At first, she was angry with her husband, but then came to see her problem. A week later she came to see the root cause and dug it out. She studied the Fa with a peaceful heart.
She realized the reason that she married her husband was because her husband loved her very much and was reliable. She expected her husband to stand by her side when family conflicts occurred, but her expectations were dashed and she thought it unforgivable. Every time she observed her husband caring more for his parents than for her, she felt lost and felt her in-laws were competing with her for her husband. Eventually, she realized that her views on sentimentalities and marriage were actually degenerated notions. She thought she was right all the time, because of these notions. However, she came to recognize that she was far below the requirements of the Fa.
Since she started practicing Falun Dafa, her in-laws and husband never tried to intervene. She thought they were trouble-makers. Deep down in her heart, she saw her in-laws as burdens. Inside, she saw them as strangers. Because they are old, she thought that it would be best for them to move to an apartment building for senior citizens. She wanted to live alone with her husband. She thought her idea of having her in-laws move out was right since it was common to do so in current society. However, when she examined her thoughts, she realized these were all everyday people's attachments. It wasn't wrong for everyday people to do so since they followed the standards for everyday people. However, as a Falun Dafa practitioner, she needs to follow higher and stricter standards.
The moral standards of society have been quickly degenerating. Yet, she used these standards, to judge her own actions. She should have done better. Otherwise, what would give people the impression Falun Dafa practitioners are good people? Isn't it because the practitioners follow higher standards and therefore are better people? We always tell people that practitioners are good, but, how can we say this and then not be the example of a higher standard? We can only use our own words and actions to show them that we are good people.
She came to realize that before, she had blamed her in-laws instead of truly looking inside. The conflicts had escalated and her selfishness had been growing, negatively affecting her efforts to clarify the truth to everyday people and blinding her from seeing her own shortcomings.
When we talk about attachments, no attachment is big or small, they are simply attachments. In fact, after digging out her seemingly minor attachments, she felt she had made a huge breakthrough. She talked to her in-laws and apologized to them, asking them for forgiveness. She then began to show them through her actions that she had really changed. The lives of her household became happy and harmonious. Her father-in-law and husband felt the power of Falun Dafa through her changes. They now clarify the truth to their relatives and friends and have started to read Zhuan Falun.
When we have conflicts with other people, we know to look inside and treat others with compassion. When we have conflicts at home, we should similarly not become trapped by sentimentality. We should also treat our family members with compassion. If we make a mistake, we should actively seek to repair the damage that we have made. We should avoid making everyday people misunderstand Falun Dafa because of our bad deeds.
Falun Dafa practitioners should be good people no matter where we are. This is the most basic requirement for us. During conflicts, we should still behave and consider others first and look inside. Only by doing this, can we solve problems.
A female practitioner in her sixties had been helping her son and her daughter-in-law with their child. Her daughter-in-law was suspicious of her and she came to a boiling point, fighting with her daughter-in-law. Her son and daughter-in-law were upset and drove her out of their home. She had to live with a fellow practitioner. She was very sad and couldn't understand how her son could be so cold towards her that he placed his wife above his own mother. Through Fa-study and sharing with other fellow practitioners, she realized she should have controlled her temper and shouldn't have fought with her daughter-in-law.
From the standpoint of traditional Chinese values, it is wrong for a person to drive away his or her own mother from home. However, people's moral standards are drifting down and some people don't take it as a wrong deed.
Three practitioners went to her son's home to try and reason with them and ask them to take their mother back and treat their mother nicely, but her son and her daughter-in-law refused to do so. They said, "Don't you try to be good people? Then treat her as your own mother."
A year later, her son and her daughter-in-law had another baby. Her daughter-in-law's parents were going to come to help with the baby, but they didn't get the visa that would have allowed them to travel. The couple did not want to spend so much on daycare services, so her son went back to his mother and asked her to go home with him to help with her wife and the newborn. The practitioner hesitated. Initially, she didn't want to go back since her son and his wife made her so miserable and she wondered whether they would try to get rid of her again once the baby got older. She had a second thought. She realized that as a Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioner, she should help her son and her daughter-in-law have a correct understanding of Falun Dafa. She decided to move back and put what had happened in the past behind her.
She took very good care of her daughter-in-law and the newborn. Her son and his wife were deeply moved. One night, her daughter-in-law took a hold of the practitioner's hands and wept. She said to her, "Mother, I apologize to you."
Her son later, decided to drive to the home of the practitioner who had formerly provided food and board to his mother after he had kicked her out. He sincerely apologized to the practitioner and thanked him for taking care of his mother. His son said, "Compared to Falun Dafa practitioners, I'm not a good person. However, I'd be honored to have practitioners as my friends since you are genuinely good people."
Now, the practitioner's son and his wife respect her very much. They give her money and make sure she has enough money to spend on her own. Her son and her daughter-in-law also support her participation in Falun Dafa activities.
Dealing with Domestic Disputes According to the Fa is Part of Fa-Rectification Cultivation (1) -- http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2004/8/24/51682.html